In Army life,

In Army life, we (soldiers and families) are taught to adapt and overcome. It's just that simple. When your soldier deploys, you figure out what to do and you do it. When it is time to move, you figure out what to do and you do it. It's just that simple.

Or is it?

My family knows that there comes a point, usually at the end of the move, when "Mama's gonna have a meltdown." I live in a crazy world. It's okay. They know me here. But this time, the meltdown came much sooner than I expected and at a really bad time.

It all began with the phrase, "We are having trouble getting orders." Sweet soldier is being assigned to a brand new unit and there was an issue (that was well above our pay grade) of how to get a lot of the soldiers assigned to that unit. That may seem trivial, but I quit my job to begin getting ready for this move and we don't have orders. No big deal. I file it in my mental rolodex. I figure out what to do and I do it.

We begin to look for a house to rent. We found out where the best schools were and we began to look for rentals there. But finding a rental in a great area of town that will accommodate two adults, three kids and a 75-pound dog is almost impossible. We decided to buy. We have not owned a home since 2009 and I'm more than a little nervous. I file it in my mental rolodex. I figure out what to do, and I do it.

Packers come and I try not to stand over them. They are trained and paid to pack and my job is to be organized, stay out of the way and be available for questions. But when I hear one of the packers yell (about the packer in the kitchen), "I'm so glad she's packing the kitchen. Usually the new girl is afraid of glass," I file it in my mental rolodex. I figure out what to do and I do it.

Sweet soldier took sweet girl and left to go close on the house and get ready to receive household goods. Then our household goods shipment was split, a table was broken, I wrecked my truck and the dog got into a fight at doggie daycare. I file it in my mental rolodex. I figure out what to do and I do it.

I pick up a rental vehicle that is half the size of my truck and they tell me that they absolutely have nothing bigger and they have a "no pet policy" in their cars. I file it in my mental rolodex. I figure out what to do and I do it.

I'm excited to say, at this point, the house inspections and closing went smoothly as did the first delivery of our household goods. That was a much needed boost. My mental rolodex had gotten pretty full, and it needed some relief.

Now, have you ever seen a rolodex lose all its cards when it spins? I have. And that's what happened to me.

Some good friends recommended a karate/mixed martial arts dojo where our entire family could train, so we decided to check it out. It is a great place with a very caring and focused staff, and they have an all-day camp for all of my kids for the entire month of July! Where do I sign up?

So to begin, the kids took an introductory class. This class is made up of two lessons. The first night, they learn some basic punches and kicks and they learn how to stand and greet the instructor. The second night they are tested on what they learned the first night, and at the end, they receive their white belts to begin their karate career and they get to break a board. Sweet boy and sweet girl have participated in martial arts before, so this was a refresher for them. Little sweet boy has never done this before and I held my breath to see how this was all going to go.

If you don't remember, little sweet boy is on the autism spectrum. He is very high functioning, but having been out of a structured environment for a month, he has regressed a bit. I'm okay with that, because once we get back into a routine, some of his behaviors will subside. But we have lived in Kansas for two and a half years, and it has been a while since I have had to start something new with him. The staff at our new karate place was very welcoming and embraced the challenge of working with little sweet boy. All of that being said, let's get back to the story.

All three kids went to have their first lesson. I was really proud of them all. The older two fell right back into the martial arts routine with no problem. Little sweet boy struggled a little with standing still and the sharp body movements, but he still did well. He finished the class and declared, "I did my best!" As his mom, that's all I can require.

Then it became time for sweet soldier and I to have our MMA class. It was the same principle as the kids' class. Learn a few things the first night. The second night, test and receive your white belt. We learned some basic punches, a take-down and escape. I confess, I haven't had to learn something quickly in a long time, so it was a struggle to keep up. But I knew that once I started classes on a regular basis, that piece would come back. We finished the class tired but feeling good, and all of us have our second class two nights later.

So the day comes for all of us to test. That day I had spent most of the afternoon on my laptop, which I had forgotten was set to central time, and we are on eastern time. Before I know it, it is time to go. No one has had dinner and we rushed out the door.

We get to the dojo, and the kids' class begins on time, but little sweet boy began to struggle. He needed more reminders to perform the basic functions he had been taught.

Finally, he gave up, and I felt my mental rolodex begin to spin. He began to cry silently with huge tears and that usually means that he's afraid. I felt my mental rolodex begin to spin faster. I asked him what was wrong and he couldn't tell me, and that's when the cards began to fly out of my mental rolodex. I hugged him super tight and we cried a little bit together. We pulled it together enough to go into the class and watch sweet boy and sweet girl receive their belts and break their boards.

What happened next really surprised me.

When sweet boy and sweet girl finished their class, we signed them up to become students and they were given a bag with their uniform and gloves in it. Little sweet boy looked at me and said, "Where's my bag?" It hurt my heart, but I said, "You chose not to test, so you will not get a bag tonight. When we can come back and test and earn your belt, then you will get a bag." Let me go on record now as saying I hate teachable moments.

As we go over this conversation several times, as you do when you have an autistic child, one of the instructors comes and sits down next to me and tells us that he will be glad to test little sweet boy once our adult class is over. We did! He passed and he even broke his board!

But let's step back for a moment and talk about my mental rolodex. When I felt it spin and I realized the cards were flying out and I was at risk of coming completely unhinged, I realized that I was tired of fighting. When I began to learn ways to combat a person trying to overtake me, I realized that I had been feeling like I was fighting with everyone including myself, either physically or mentally. Mostly, I was fighting to feel like I was staying afloat. I fight to get things accomplished on time. I fight to keep my little sweet boy on the right path. I fight to raise good adults. And I fight to make my marriage work.

What I realized was that I wanted was some calm and some peace. MMA may not be for me right now, but I am not completely closing that door. Right now what I need is the calm of a good solid run and the peace of some yoga. Once life settles down a little bit, maybe my inner fighter will emerge once again but for now, I will pick the rolodex cards up off the floor, throw them in the trash and begin again.

One more thing. Thank you to the amazing staff at Seigler's Karate and MMA! Mr. Hobbs, Mr. Waters and Ms. Waters, you are all amazing. Thank you for your patience and understanding, and Team Young is ready to fight the good fight!

May the moving gods smile upon you and may only the things that you don't like get broken ... sby

Summer feels like it just started but we know you've seen the back to school ads creeping into your newspaper. The first day will be here soon. Are you ready?

Have you even applied?

Don't even know what you want to study?

No worries. Seriously.

There are a lot of great websites, blogs and web pages dedicated to online education but none covers the topic quite as well as our very own Bryant & Stratton College -Online.

The college's Facebook page is rife with information about different career fields, keys to job interviews and the basics of filing out financial aid forms.

Our favorite feature is when the college profiles two career fields and explains the difference between what students in that field study and what they should expect on the job. Real answers from real people working in the field today. You can't get closer to the source than this.

Hit "Like" and you will get a daily dose of back to school advice in your Facebook feed from the college. Who knows, you may wake up one morning and discover the career you've always wanted.

Free. This is free for you and this is your last chance to grab it!

Are you a military spouse making a career change? Looking for a job? Yearning to mingle with other working, military spouse moms? Mom Corps is where you need to be!

Ten lucky Salute to Spouses readers have the opportunity to get a free, one-year membership to www.momcorps.com

This award-winning, career development firm gives its members access to expert career advice, industry pros and the most up to the minute information on what is trending in the business world. And now, it can all be yours.

Salute To Spouses and Mom Corps, announced a new partnership last month in honor of Military Spouse Day. Mom Corps shares our commitment to support military spouses as they grow their career and educational goals.

Mom Corps was created and is led by an Army spouse who experienced the challenges of re-entering the workforce after each PCS. Now, her program gathers experts, advice and resources into one online community where women can find help in meeting their career goals.

When you join the site you will have access to career experts who deliver training in the areas of job search, workplace flexibility and business ownership. Members can also use the Mom Corps community to network with other professionals.

In honor of all the hard work spouses do all year long, Mom Corps is giving away 10, free, one-year memberships to fans of Salute to Spouses. This is a $99.99 value!  Deadline to apply is Thursday, July 10. Apply today!

To apply, visit MomCorps.com.

I have a confession. I am not a perfect military spouse. I may not even be a very good one. My realization came last year over the holidays when I could not make cookies. And it made me cry. A grown adult, mother of two, crying over cookies. Let me explain.

When my husband and I moved here and he took his new billet, I really thought I would be able to be more involved. I was getting settled and my boys were on a routine and I was feeling great. There were so many ways to be involved and being new to the battalion was a great opportunity to jump in and be that supportive, active military wife I had always wanted to be.

Summer came and I attended a meeting or two, went to a couple of functions and felt really positive about how things were going. Invitations came in for events and I quickly RSVP’d - yes! Then, life happened.

Just as I began volunteering and getting into a new routine, my kids got sick. And then we had family visit. And a birthday. Repeat this cycle a few more times. Life got busy. I know there are families who have more than two kiddos but all I know is what it is like to have two boys, ages 3 and 1 ½. And they are busy. And fun. But so incredibly busy and exhausting.  

So between volunteering and keeping up with grocery shopping, housework and life in general, I have not been the model military spouse.

So, back to the cookies. My husband’s battalion had about 50 Marine’s returning home from a deployment and another group preparing to deploy. It was a great opportunity to bake or bring in items to give to the Marines coming or going as a small token of appreciation for all they do.

All I have to do is bake cookies. Easy right? My son and I had made cookies months earlier for the same cause. He really enjoyed helping me make treats for the Marines. Since I hadn’t been able to make a lot of functions lately I thought this would be a nice way to contribute in a small way.

The week goes on and I have all the ingredients I need except for butter. A teething, miserable, independent, crabby toddler in the store with an independent and sassy 3-year-old who has not napped is a disaster, if you didn’t already know.

Strangers give us the look that says, “Why on Earth would you bring them out in public?” Or they say, “Wow, they are close in age, you have your hands full!” If had a quarter for every time I heard that I would be rich and able to pay for someone to grocery shop for me. 

Anyway, I get the butter and we attempt to make cookies during little guy’s nap since they are needed tomorrow. I must make them and have them ready to go so my husband can take them in with him to work. Perfect. Easy.

Then, I burned the cookies.

Big little guy went to the bathroom, needed help and I flushed the toilet. You never, ever flush Big little guy’s business down the toilet. A 10-minute meltdown ensued, which led to a much needed trip to his room for a nap.

I forgot about the cookies. They burned.

So I cried.

I cried because I ruined the cookies. I cried because I sometimes get mad at my husband for working late at night even though I know it isn’t his fault. I cried because secretly I daydream about a “civilian” life. I cried because sometimes I fake my excitement when my husband comes home, excited about his next mission and when and where it may take him. I cried because sometimes I wish I could close my eyes and go back to our first duty station with our best friends and our house on base. I cried because as much as I would like to say “yes” to every event and military function, my family keeps me busy and there are days I can’t find a way to get anywhere. I cried because sometimes I forget the names of people who work with my husband or I forget their rank. Or forget what acronym means what.

Some women are amazing and can do it all. I am finally realizing, that most days I can’t get my mom/wife “duties” together let alone military spouse ones. I am not perfect. And that’s ok.

I didn’t get to contribute cookies this time, but it doesn’t mean I have failed as a military spouse. At this moment, my family comes first. Some days are great, some not so great. It was one bad day. I have a feeling I will have lots of time in my husband’s military career to be more active.

For now, I will do what I can, when I can. I am finally learning I can’t be everything for everyone at all times. Little by little I’ll get the swing of it all. Better late than never!

For those who know me, they know that one of my favorite quotes is by Coach John Wooden: “Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out.”

We received our assignment of choice (great job for him, close to home for me), and then the other boot fell.

As I have said before, this has been the worst move ever. With a split shipment, a fight at doggie daycare, a 16-hour drive that became 20, and a dog that wouldn't sleep in the hotel, you would think that I would already have on my straight jacket with the monogram squarely positioned in the front (embroidered in script), but I am choosing to not let it beat me.

I get up every day and open a few more boxes. I set small goals for myself. Today, I will get books on the bookshelves. I still give myself time on social media. I go out to the pool and meet neighbors and make friends.

But I will admit to you, only my closest friends, that after two and a half years in Kansas, I had forgotten what it was like to start over. Overwhelming doesn't even begin to cover it. It all came to the surface the other night, but that is a story for another time.

For now, we are filing claims for damaged furniture and adjusting to new things. All-day karate camp begins soon, and I am looking forward to that!

Let's meet for coffee next week, and we'll talk more. I have some organizing to do.

May the moving gods smile upon you and may only the junk you don't like get broken ... sby

I’ve been getting these headaches lately.

They aren’t migraines, but they come on fast and radiate in my eyes and ears and jaw.

It took awhile to figure out what was going on, but after calling a doctor friend of mine and doing some research, I think I have chronic sinus infections, exacerbated by the weather courtesy of the Deep South in the summer, i.e., a constant state of extreme heat exhaustion and dehydration.

So, I’m making a concerted effort to stay hydrated, sleep more and stock up on natural anti-microbials, germ-fighters and nasal sprays.

And then I Googled.

I know better. I really do. After the last time Dr. Google convinced me my child had some kind of nose cancer because she had a bloody nose, you’d think I would have given it up by now.

But like a scab you can’t help but pick, I typed in “chronic sinusitis” one night.

At first, nothing was truly alarming. I might have latent allergies I’m unaware of or some kind of nasal polyp. Nothing terrifying,

And then, I read it:  “Chronic sinusitis left untreated can cause brain aneurysms.”

Excuse me?

I shut the browser on my computer, as if I’d seen something I shouldn’t.

The freak-out commenced pretty quickly after that.

My husband is deployed. I am alone with my children. My brain is going to explode and I haven’t taught my 3-year-old how to call 911 yet.

This can’t be good.

In about 90 minutes, I wondered if I could skip all the Tricare referral mess and just call a neurosurgeon and ENT the next morning. It was urgent, after all. My brain wasn’t going to hold on much longer.

Another 30 minutes later, and I had convinced myself to move in with my parents – blissful empty nesters for quite awhile, mind you – for the rest of the deployment, just in case I had an aneurysm. That way someone could look after my kids.

And then my youngest woke up, and my morbid doomsday plans had to take a backseat while I settled her back to bed.

The next morning, I awoke headache free and feeling sheepish.

But now, if I feel so much as a twinge in my temple, I worry. I panic, almost. I hear “Aneurysm!” echoing around the chambers of my rather delicate skull.

I feel my trigger finger itch, and wonder if I should talk to WebMD again.

It’s maddening.

And thus, I have instituted a new rule for deployments, ranking right up there with “You may not watch Law & Order: SVU marathons while he’s gone.”

No more Dr. Google during deployment.

At the very least, my PCM will thank me.
 

Done with your PCS move? Looking for a new job? One of the best places to begin your search is at a job fair. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce program, Hiring Our Heroes, hosts regular job fairs in cities around the nation. These fairs  are specifically geared toward helping military veterans and spouses find employment.

Here is the list of job fairs being held in July. Don't forget to click on the link and register! Good luck!

July 8, 2014 - Huntsville, AL

July 9, 2014 - Springfield, OR

July 10, 2014 - Annville, PA

July 15, 2014 - Atlanta, GA

July 17, 2014  - Tucson, AZ, Fort Belvoir, VA

July 19, 2014 - Meadowlands/ East Rutherford, NJ

July 28, 2014 - Joint Base MDL, NJ

Aug. 1, 2014 - Joint Base MDL, NJ

Is anyone else just a little tired of the quizzes?

You know, the Facebook quizzes that can tell you what Disney princess you are, what type of dog you would be and what theme song you should blast as you roll down the street? Apparently selecting a color, type of vacation and your favorite hip hop artist will reveal your innermost identity.

They were funny, at first. They trickled in and for the first week I enjoyed musing over what science fiction world I should really live in and what Disney prince was really my perfect love match. Ha ha, very cute. A nice diversion from work.

But seriously, they are out of control.

This week's releases: How Texas Are You? How Bro Are You, Bro? and What College Major Should You Be?

We are scraping the bottom of the barrel, folks.

And the scarier part is that the quizzes that appear to have some merit, such as determining what college major you should be, may in fact influence those of us who are not able to resist the mindless advice.

Walk away from the quiz.

It cannot tell you what you should study or what career you should have. I took it today and purposely picked every poor answer possible. Drugs? Yes! Study? No. Interested in work? Nada. Up early? Never. Work ethic? Got none. Love books? Only to color on.

And according to the quiz, those answers labeled me as a future computer scientist.

Ummmmm.

Again, walk away from the quiz. The answer you are looking for is a lot easier than even taking a quiz.

Do what you love. Do what interests you. Pick a career that you are interested in learning more about, not just because a random internet quiz matched you to it.

When I took the quiz again with honest answers, it placed me squarely in engineering. Sure, I like science but I hate math. I despise math. I don't have the patience for the level of mathematics that the most basic engineering degree would require.

Strike two for the computer quiz.

Still don't know what to major in? First step, don't sweat it.

One of the most important experiences that comes with attending college is to spread your wings and learn, and explore. It is ok to enroll and take classes and have no idea where your path will lead.  

Take the journey. You will find your way. The choices you make will be much more fulfilling than any that a computer program could spew back at you. I promise.

On our kitchen calendar, there’s an eight day block of time this month with the words “Mommy at Conferences.” As soon as I wrote those with a dry erase marker, our four little boys dropped their jaws.

“Where are you going?”

“When are you coming back?”

“But I have a field trip that day!”

“Who is going to take care of us?”

I raised my eyebrows at them and simply answered, “Daddy will be here with you.”

The looks I got were a mix of skepticism and excitement. After all, mommy makes them eat vegetables with dinner and do crazy things like bring the laundry downstairs. But dad? Well, he’s the unknown. He’s always the fun parent when we’re co-captaining the ship, but they’ve never been left all alone with him before for longer than a day or two.

I’ve always been the one running the Avenger Initiative when he went away to work.

But now, my head is swimming. Do I prep meals in advance? Do I make sure all the laundry is done? Do I leave it all up to him and then secretly place a nanny camera in the living room? I have to admit, the last idea has a wee bit of merit.

We’d been expecting a four day trip, but when I needed to extend the time due to another conference being held directly after the first, I told my husband, “It looks like I need eight days split between Nashville and Las Vegas.”

Of course his first reaction was, “Wait, you’re going to Vegas without me?”

To which I kind of grimaced and said, “Looks like it.”

His eyes flew wide, and he said, “You’re leaving me for eight days?”

Seriously?

“You just left me for nine months,” I replied, and then reminded him of the previous three deployments which were each a year. “I think if you can handle terrorists, you can handle our five kids.”

At that moment, a war broke out between our middle boys that would have made Chuck Norris proud. And I think my husband suddenly may have been preferred to face the terrorists. That reminds me, I need to leave him a striped shirt and a whistle.

So he’s taking leave, and spending those days with our kids, giving me the opportunity to further my career, and I couldn’t be more thankful. In this military life, I’ve often found myself putting my needs behind his. After all, we PCS for his career, he has an unpredictable schedule, and he tends to spend massive amounts of time overseas, or at schools or trainings – none of which he can help. My job has always taken a back seat because that’s how our family has needed to live to function.

But when I signed my book deal, our lives shifted dramatically, and we became a two-career household. When Jason takes these days off to be a stay-at-home dad it means more than him supporting my career, it’s showing me that he’s capable of putting my career first when the situation calls for it. Without a better way to say it, I’m so incredibly thankful to him for the love and the support he shows.  And yes, I know it’s not fair that he goes to work in Afghanistan while I meet my colleagues in Las Vegas.

So for once, it will be me Skyping in to see our babies and wondering how he’s doing. Would it be fun to secretly hide a little nanny cam? Sure, but I won’t. Not because I don’t want to see him losing his mind between ninja fights, diaper changes and homework (a small, evil voice inside me lets loose with a grin when I think about this), but because part of me is scared that he won’t. Part of me is terrified that he might actually run this house better than I do. In which case, I guess I’ll bring home a bottle of wine and beg him to be the Yoda to my Skywalker. Or I’ll just ask what he bribed the kids with. 

I’m leaving for a week, and I’m nervous, but I know he’s got this. After all, I trust him in the same way he trusts me – wholeheartedly. But if anyone wants to sneak by and take pics of how he’s doing our daughter’s hair … well, I’d definitely go for a giggle there. Those curls may be the death of him.

Good luck, babe. May the force be with you. By the power of Grayskull, cowabunga, and autobots roll out. Enjoy your daddy-only week. Their superhero capes are hanging in the toy room, and there might just be a daddy-sized one ready and waiting. You’ve got this and I miss you already.

You would think that moving as much as we do, that the act of moving would, in and of itself, feed my somewhat obsessive compulsive nature. But my dear friends, it does not. Most days, it sends me to the corner rocking and singing the alphabet quietly to myself, like it did this day.

The older kids wanted to "help" me by unpacking their own rooms. "Make sure you put your things away," was my last instruction. They came downstairs a little while later with big smiles, and they wanted me to come upstairs to see the "spaceship" that they had created out of boxes. I was busy unpacking boxes too, so I told them I would look at it later.

I should have looked right then.

When we went upstairs to tell everyone to get ready for bed, soldier and I discovered what can only be described as a war zone in our media room! Boxes had been just dumped on the floor. Packing paper was everywhere. Pencils had been jammed into the sides of the boxes. Crayons and stuff were everywhere! We asked them to clean up the mess before bed, but it got worse.

The next day, I planned to put together the kids' rooms while soldier took them to the pool. What I found took my breath away!

Sweet girl and sweet boy had dumped two huge boxes and a wardrobe box onto the floor. Nothing was put away. Packing paper was on the bed. Can you see it in your mind? I felt my knees buckle. All I could do was start at the top! It took me three hours to get the boys' rooms sorted out. I got the garbage out of the girl's room, and I will probably tackle hers today.

At this point in my life, I am learning that a little mess is ok. Moves, and life, don't always turn out like you plan, but John Lennon's lyric still holds very true, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans."

We make messes. We clean them up. We make more messes. But it's ok to make messes. Messes teach us lots of different things, so pay attention to the messes and enjoy the summer!

In the meantime, I will continue to look for the base to the blender!

May the moving gods smile upon you and may only the junk that you don't like get broken . . . sby

Don’t forget to follow Sarah’s moving adventures on Instagram and Twitter. Look for #QuartersSweetQuarters Feel free to add your own PCS photos to the mix!