I must be honest and admit I have struggled to write these blog entries lately. Not because life has slowed down any and I am lacking in material, but because I feel guilty that we are in a pretty normal routine lately.

I cringe at using the word normal because I am not quite sure what that means. I remember feeling this way almost two years ago, in Virginia, when my husband was going to school. We weren’t experiencing any deployments, work-ups, curse of the car breakdowns or major appliances malfunction. Currently, most of my chaos comes from just being a stay-at-home mom whose husband happens to work long hours and who has his phone attached to his hip, day and night. Oh and he occasionally travels out of the country for a month at a time, is not really able to tell me exactly what he does and sometimes jumps out of planes. That’s normal right?

For us, it feels the most normal we have been since we began this military journey eight years ago. I feel settled, which is funny because two months ago I didn’t feel this way. I have struggled in the last year as I decided what was going to help me feel settled and complete outside of my role as a military spouse and mom.

I briefly thought about continuing my education and thought pursuing this lifelong goal had to happen at this very moment. I had to “be something” other than mom and Marine wife to gain the success I have always wanted. Maybe that would help me feel like I had control in this crazy life.

But I put school on the back burner to pursue employment instead. I have yet to act on this decision since deciding and talking about it a couple weeks ago. In the meantime, I am really trying to embrace the luxury I have been given - I am a military spouse and stay-at-home mom. For a long time, I have felt that wasn’t enough in my life. I didn’t feel successful. But that is something successful … that is two jobs and two things I can be successful at!! Not everyone has that opportunity - to be married to a Marine or soldier and be able to stay home with their children. Whether I want to admit it or not, I made both of these choices. Unfortunately it has taken me a lot of self-reflection and time to not only admit that but embrace it. And most important, be proud of it.

When I met my husband almost 12 years ago, I had no idea what our future would hold. When we graduated college and moved out of state together, I never imagined the military would be a way of life for us. I wanted to go to graduate school and be successful in my career (whatever that meant). When I said yes to my husband’s marriage proposal, I accepted all that came with him - including this military career he had yet to begin. It was a rocky and eye opening experience at first but it was foreign to both of us and we traveled the path together. It has been almost eight years now and it has become our way of life. I can’t imagine living any other way.

And it wasn’t that I was not proud of being a military spouse during the trials and tribulations. I was. I am!! But I have let it prevent me from being truly happy with where I am in my life.

There was a time when I dwelled on the anniversaries that we missed together or the birth of our first son while daddy was deployed or the many first milestones that were recorded in my husband’s absence. At the time, going through those days were sad and definitely challenging but they made me stronger and I believe I am a better person because of it.

I have been fortunate enough to have my husband home for many memories and milestones during the last three years. I couldn’t be more thankful for that. We all go through tough days, tough months, gosh some even tough years. All that matters is where you let it take you.

At the end of the day, you can let it break you or you can choose to be stronger. Today, I chose to be stronger and happier. I know our “normal” could very well change at the drop of a hat and if it does, we will take it one day, one breath at a time. But for now, I will embrace our normal.

Life, military or not, is too short to sweat the small stuff. At the end of the day, I gave it my best and my family deserves that. Some days that may mean no time to shower or hotdogs for dinner because of meetings for volunteering, errands and swim lessons. But if I made my family smile that day, it’s a success. If I gave them one memory to treasure, that is a success! And I am proud of that!