One thing I have continuously been working at as a military spouse has been asking for help. Since I have had children, I have had to own that fact that I cannot do it all. And sometimes, it’s ok to ask for help.
I used to try to schedule appointments around my husband’s work schedule. But I am sure you all understand how not easy that is; Trainings change, schedules are always shifting, trips pop up or get canceled last minute.
I hate to admit it, but I just don’t take my husband’s schedule into account most of the time. I remember being sad during my son’s first year of life because he couldn’t come with us to all the monthly appointments like other dads. But, I learned to tackle the questions and soothe the vaccination cries by myself. I quickly mastered the art of taking two kids to the doctors even though it was stressful and left all three of us in tears sometimes. Friends offered to help I hated accepting their offers.
So, getting back to asking people for help - with no family here, friends become your family and as much as I hate having to ask, sometimes you just have to suck it up and do it.
Like I did, last week.
Even though my husband was home, I had to step outside my comfort zone and ask for help because I did not have a choice. I was in a minor car accident with my children (don’t worry we are all fine!). But as military luck would have it, my husband was in a building where he could not bring his cell phone and I did not know that at the time. This was my first emergency as a parent and even though my Marine was home, I could not reach him.
As I stood on the side of the road, holding my 2-year-old who wanted to run into traffic, I tried to search my phone for a number of someone who works with my husband who could get in contact with him. Surely, I had to have someone’s number. I made a note to save an office number the last time he traveled out of the country but it was nowhere to be found.
I think this is where a little panic set it once I realized everyone was ok. In my mind, I knew I could call my husband and he would answer and come save us and we would be fine! And even though my children and I were okay (my car was a different story) my emotions started to build.
My car was not drivable and we were 20 minutes from our home. The police and the mechanic from the tow truck company asked where they should take the car and how we would get home.
I guess this would be a good place to admit that I have trouble making decisions. The tow truck needed to know where to tow the car. I have never been in an accident before. Doesn’t this kind of stuff fall under the husband category? I cook, clean and raise children. I wasn’t prepared for this situation.
During a deployment, sure this could probably happen. But he is home and I did not have my solo mom game face on. The police officers offered to take us to the station where we could wait until we could get a ride home, but I wasn’t prepared for a day stranded at the police station. I had no idea when I would finally reach my husband. And who could I call to pick us up? My friends all had kids of their own and couldn’t possibly fit us in their cars with them. How do I manage this?
