I was 28 weeks pregnant with my second baby.  I had a 1-year-old.  And, my husband was deployed.

I’m still not sure what happened.  It might have been the lunch we ate out.  The chicken did taste funny.  Maybe we just ate too much salsa.  Or maybe the waitress was carrying a virus.

But the day after that celebratory lunch, mid-deployment, my daughter and I got a stomach virus.  A reeling, violent stomach virus.

We were unable to keep so much as a sip of water down.  We lost liquids and nutrition so quickly I was crawling around my house to get to her.  We slept on the bathroom floor on a pile of rag towels.  There was no end to what kept coming out of both of us.

Oh, the pain.  The new baby in my belly flipped and flopped, and I was so sick and so nauseous and so pained.

And I had nothing.  No medicine.  No extra diapers.  Nothing to hydrate us.  No easy foods that followed the BRAT diet when and if we survived.

I couldn’t muster the strength to get us into the obstetrician’s office for me.  And I had just fired our pediatrician due to a rather large difference in opinion.

I was stuck.

Luckily, we survived.  A phone call to a friend when it was all said and done brought applesauce and peppermint tea to my doorstep, along with diapers and wipes and a huge bottle of bleach.

We managed to see the other side and live to tell the tale.  Though I’ll never laugh about it.

However, I learned.  I realized that, during deployments, sometimes, you are truly alone.

No friend can risk exposing themselves to Vomit-Fest 2015 to help you.  And so, you have to be able to take care of yourself.

I swore from that day forward, I wouldn’t be caught so unaware during a deployment again.

And I made my own little checklist that we accomplish before each deployment to make sure that, when the poop starts to fly, literally or figuratively, we are ready.

1. Stock your pantry and your freezer

I am a bulk shopper by nature.  I don’t enjoy frequent trips to the store, and I can save money if I buy en masse.  But navigating a Costco or Sam’s or any other big-box wholesale shop with children, on a weekend, alone? Well, it may rival my husband’s job in intensity and danger.  So before he leaves, we go.  He comes, too, mostly to kid-wrangle. And I buy everything we could possibly need or want.  

I buy ready-made meals that save us on the busy days when we have soccer practice till late in the evening or activities planned out of the house all day.  I buy dry goods we use constantly – rice, beans, oil and butter – in large quantities.  I buy meat; one family we know actually buys a whole cow and has it butchered and saved in their freezer.  I buy a ton of canned soup, tuna fish, plenty of loaves of bread (which can live in our freezer till they need to be eaten), and pasta.  

I also triple or quadruple meals I make the month prior to my husband leaving.  That way, I can freeze the leftovers for full meals that can be easily re-heated, and I don’t have to handle work, life, kids and the dreaded dinner prep every day of the week.  I love cooking, but there simply isn’t time for it every day when I’m going at it alone, and often times, it’s not worth the stress.

2. Prepare for emergencies

Before my husband leaves, I acknowledge the upcoming weather.  I buy canned goods and bottled water if he’s going to be gone during hurricane season.  I set up a store of extra blankets and a camping stove and heat sources if winter is coming.  I’ve lived without heat in January. I won’t make that mistake again.

If our computer is being wonky or the air-conditioning has had some glitches, we fix them before they become a problem at midnight, on a Saturday, during a holiday weekend, while I’m alone

I keep a ready supply of medicines for all manner of typical illnesses.  If it’s a good treatment for a cold, cough, sinus infection, rash, or stomach virus, I’ve got it.  Up above my stove, in a cabinet where it takes a little effort to get to, I store paper plates and cups and plastic silverware.  During the current deployment, when my hot water heater exploded, we had to spend a day without water.  Those paper plates came in very handy.  

3. Review all your family’s “business”

My husband and I share the financial burden of the household.  We both pay bills and deal with filing and paperwork.  So before he leaves, I make sure I know where everything is. We review the filing system and any changes he’s made to it.  I make sure I know the password to every account we have, and I go over how and when every bill is paid.  I make sure bills that are auto-drafted are set to do so at the right time and frequency.  And, I address a pre-set amount of pre-addressed and stamped envelopes for the bills we pay through the mail.

I buy plenty of stamps and envelopes, printer ink, and packaging materials.  Braving a post office for stamps with children in tow is no small feat.  In general, it’s a good idea to avoid any establishment where they don’t have carts or buggies to help you contain kids while you tend to business.  Buy it before he or she leaves, so you can do it alone.

We review what’s in the fire-safe box that we have at the ready in case we need to leave our home.  In there, we keep all powers of attorney, and we, of course, make sure those are all up to date, along with our wills and all license and tag renewals on things like our vehicles.

4. Accomplish all routine maintenance.

If the car is due for an oil change soon, take it or have your spouse do it before they leave.  The air-conditioner needs to be serviced?  Do it now.  Don’t wait another month till he or she is gone. 

Bring in the yearly carpet cleaners.  Take the pet to the groomer.  Go to your annual check-up or take your kids a month or two early for theirs, as long as you do it before your husband or wife leaves.  

Some of those appointments can seem innocuous, but they are easier to do with the assistance of your spouse, either staying at home with children or going with you to make the process quicker.

If you can’t go before he or she leaves, make sure you’ve at least scheduled them.  Along with help or a baby sitter if need be.  You will forget in the deployment haze to take the dog to the vet if it isn’t pre-scheduled.  

Also, ask everyone you make an appointment with to send you a courtesy call, text, or e-mail.  Last week, I would have missed my chiropractor appointment entirely if they hadn’t texted me the day prior.

5. Prepare a deployment call-book

Make sure you have contact information for his friends and family.  They may have a baby or someone may be ill.  Your spouse won’t be checking on them.  That’s your job.  Know where to send flowers on Mother’s Day and make sure you have everyone’s birthday in line.  Pre-buy birthday cards if you can.  If you plan to attend a rash of birthday parties, order or shop for birthday gifts before hand.  I like to keep a box of gifts I’ve found for various ages and genders; it makes the birthday-party circuit that much easier when you’re doing it alone.

Know what’s coming up soon after the return of your spouse.  Are you planning a trip to see family?  You’ll need to buy the plane tickets before their return.  So make sure you’ve established what he or she wants in terms of travel plans.  

If the worst happens and your car breaks down or your heater bites the dust, who does your spouse want you to call for repairs?  Have someone you can call for plumbing, electrical, heating and cooling, and car issues.  Have an emergency babysitter and house cleaner on call, as well.  I keep all these numbers and business cards in my purse.

And make sure you have a physician you can trust on call.  Don’t fire your pediatrician before a deployment.  Not having a doctor when you need one is a surefire way to guarantee you’ll get sick.

7. Prepare for the mental challenge

I never start a deployment without a secret chocolate stash.  Because when the kids are on my last nerve and the house is a wreck, sometimes that chocolate and a cup of tea save me.  I also store plenty of coffee, for when I’m up working into the wee hours and don’t have my husband home to help me in the morning with the kids. 

I keep a box of surprises for my kids – special movies, coloring books, games and toys.  When things are ugly; when I have to accomplish something without the assistance of a little one, I pull out the box and find a distraction for them.  

I ask my husband to download television series and movies he won’t watch, but I want to while he’s gone.  They become my secret little indulgence in the evenings while I fold laundry or work.  I binge-watched three seasons of Downton Abbey one deployment, and I’m dramatically working my way through House of Cards currently.  Those silly television dramas keep me company while he’s gone, and they’re ready and on tap for when a surprise bout of loneliness hits.

On weekends, I’ll treat myself to one of those saved movies, or a book I’ve really wanted to read or a craft project I’ve really wanted to do.  I save all that stored away on my iPad or in a box I keep, and I use those as my reward at least once or twice a week.  I even pre-set my favorite television shows, which my husband hates, to record on my DVR. 

8. Fill your calendar

For my girls and I, the weekends and evenings are the hardest.  So I make sure we have a full calendar before he leaves to keep us entertained and moving forward.  We register for sports, dance, and music lessons.  I buy tickets to figure skating shows, a special train ride, or a music festival.  

If he’s missing holidays, we decide how we’ll spend them before he leaves.  I buy beach gear when it’s summer and hiking gear for the cooler months and fill our open weekends with little local daytrips.  I totally outfit our backyard so I can throw my kids back there when we need some outdoor entertainment instantly.

We have weekly dinner dates with other families whose spouses are gone.  And we try and have certain days we set aside to paint or bake cookies.  

I figure out how I’m going to get my exercise in before he leaves, too.  Whether that means I find a jogging buddy who pushes a double stroller like myself, or another friend who is willing to swap childcare with me so we can each have some alone time at the gym, it’s all arranged so I’m not floundering those first few weeks he leaves.

Everyone has different needs.  So my specifics won’t work for everyone.  But I find the better prepared I am, both emotionally and physically, for a deployment, the faster the days fly by and the less stressful the time is on my children and myself.

In the end, it’s important to prepare and keep it as simple as you can.  You don’t want to get too overwhelmed, so be prepared to say “No!” if you can’t commit to another thing and save your sanity.  

And don’t forget to breathe.  Your pantry is stocked, and your calendar is full.  This, too, shall pass.  And while you wait, it may even be fun.