It’s raining men.

And gear.

And uniforms.

And socks.

And boots.

Oh, we are so glad to have them home, but wow.

Has it begun for you yet? Is the homecoming honeymoon over?

There are the jokes you don't get between him and his buddies. His frustration at your home’s noise level – he’s accustomed to soldiers not children. And his constant question, "Where is it? It was right here when I left.” Yes, that was 12 months ago.

When I get frustrated with the difficulties of reintegration, I have to step back and look at myself and ask, “Am I doing the same thing? Am I saying things like, ‘Just forget it. I'll do it’ or ‘you think this is loud, you should have heard the three kids and the dog three weeks ago’.”

And there are the jokes he will never understand from my last Girls' Night Out.

We have to relearn how to be a team. He has to adjust and I have to adjust. We will get there - together.

Strength and Courage ... sby

Studying is easy for me. I organize my time wisely and give myself at least an hour every day devoted to my books. It wasn’t always that easy, though.

When I first started my degree, I studied very little or not at all. I believed the best way to pass the big test was to keep the information fresh: wait until the day of the test and cram as much information in as I could.

I quickly learned this was a great way to forget everything I had studied.

Now, as soon as I know there’s a test coming, I’m all over it! As soon as the test is announced, I begin studying an hour each day specifically for it. And, I’ve found it’s good to find the right time of day to study. The best two times of day for me to study is right after class and again after my children go to bed. I grab my books, my cup of coffee and get to work.

As I got better at studying, I also came up with new ways to learn the harder stuff. Now, when I struggle with a question, I make a flashcard for it. Then, on test days, I review only those cards before entering class.

If you have bad study habits, your first goal should be to break them! Set a study plan and stick to it! You will see improvements not just in your grades but you may also feel more confident in class and reduce your stress levels.

Another one bites the dust.

Another friend just received PCS orders that her family didn’t expect. So, off to Alaska they will go this June. This announcement comes after a slew of other Facebook posts from people across our community here who are packing up and heading out.

And we are still here.

Though I’m not stressing over the logistics of a PCS for my family, the impending departures have my stomach in knots. I am losing friends. I am losing community partners who I work with in volunteer organizations. My kids are losing friends. Heck, I’m losing people who I really don’t care for.

But, they are all part of our community. They are our current normal, and that is all about to change.

As I watch each of them pull away and begin the process of packing, rushing about and moving on, I fear. 

What if the families who move in do not have kids the same age as mine? What if my kids can’t make new friends?

What if no one volunteers and the organizations that these wonderful people have strived to build crumble?

What if the awful, miserable neighbor across the street is replaced by someone even worse?

What if none of the new people want to be my friend?

The military spends a lot of time addressing the difficulties that constant relocation means for children. What we don’t speak openly about is how hard it is for grownups too.

And, it is hard.

It’s hard to leave your friends behind, no matter if you’re nine or 39.

It’s scary to start over in a new neighborhood and march straight into the unknown.

It’s lonely when you are the one left behind.

And right now, my family is one of the last standing as most of the families we arrived with three years ago prep to leave the island.

So to all my wonderful friends heading to new adventures, I wish you the best. To those arriving, welcome. Our community needs you. We need you. Welcome.

We have neighbors who have never been to downtown Waikiki.

When we were stationed in South Korea, I had friends who never left the base.

In North Carolina, many military families had no idea that the Atlantic beaches were only about a two-hour drive east.

As someone who loves to travel, the idea of these military families living through a self-induced house arrest absolutely kills me.

I get it. You are not stationed in a pretty place. It’s too expensive. You don’t like it. You’re not interested. You miss home.

Every military spouse has probably experienced these feelings at some point.

For me, South Korea: not pretty, didn’t really like it. But I went out and found my way through the local markets where I was very obviously a foreigner and very obviously didn’t speak the language - and it was fascinating. The few there who spoke English were thrilled to chat. I cast my net wider and eventually had some wonderful adventures in a country that though I never did find pretty, it is a place I remember fondly.

Kuwait – not really interested. It was hot - miserably so. I didn’t exactly always feel safe, either. But again, we took off in our SUV and saw the sights. Our family will probably never set eyes on that type of expansive desert landscape again. It was incredible. And so was the impromptu petting zoo moment with a camel farmer and his herd who were walking along the side of the road. Best vacation pictures ever.

Florida – I missed home. It was a one year assignment. It was a lot of work to move back and forth for that short period of time. I had to leave behind a job I loved, my friends and my very comfortable, cockroach free house. But into the SUV we went, again, steered clear of the tourist traps and stumbled upon some of the most lovely scenery and scrumptious restaurants we’ve ever found.

Hawaii – My Facebook friends are aghast when I complain about our leisurely existence in the Aloha state. How dare I! But visiting a place and living there are two very different experiences and the island life state has plenty of inconveniences for a spoiled mainlander like myself to moan about. Still, this one feels like a no-brainer. Hawaii’s way of doing daily business drives me crazy but that will never stop me from enjoying hikes to waterfalls or sitting on some of the planet’s most stunning beaches. Believe it or not, we know families here who have never been to the beach.

Regardless of where we are, none, even the fabulous, black sand beaches of Hawaii, can compare to our home in North Carolina. We are counting the days until we return.

Until then, we make the most of where we are, wherever we are. I know a PCS move can place you squarely outside your comfort zone. But let yourself go. You never know what or who you will find.

Go. See. Do. Be. You may never step foot in this place again.

He's home! Yay! Oh crap! What now?

I hope someone besides me is thinking that. If not, I may be closer than I thought to being fitted with my own monogrammed straight jacket.

We spend our time trying to put our best foot forward. We put out of our minds that we didn't save enough. We spent too much. We didn't pay off enough debt. The house is not clean enough. We focus on the perfect outfit and we take care of things that we haven't thought about since he left, like shaving our legs.

You get to the link up point and you can smell the testosterone. You see the bus pull in or the plane land. Your heart skips a beat, and with all due respect, you just want the general officer to shut up so that your sweet soldier can march in and hear the command, "Dismissed!"

This time I had just as many butterflies as I have had four times before. Lucky for me, he was in the front of the formation. Lucky for him (or maybe not), I am a redneck at those things and I was on my feet screaming!

"DISMISSED!"

Bedlam ensues and there were squeals, kisses, hugs! My friend was there to take pictures and I updated Facebook and Twitter immediately. We picked up his bag and headed home. He loved the big yellow ribbons on the house and he was anxious to meet our new dog.

Here's where things got real!

We walked through the door and the dog was not having any piece of my sweet soldier. It is not an exaggeration to say that the dog barked and snarled for an hour. That finally resolved and sweet dog realized that sweet soldier belonged there.

Kids got off the bus, shot through the door, greeted their daddy with a huge hug and talked non-stop about the day and the past year. It was amazing to watch. It was almost if no time had passed.

We recently celebrated 10 years since the invasion into Iraq. My sweet soldier was part of that. I remember the reintegration briefings then before the soldiers came home. I remember fearing that things would not be the same when he came home. I remember worrying that I would not be able to handle my soldier coming home from war. But we made it. It was difficult, but we made it.

In the Army, it seems nothing is constant except change. As my sweet soldier and I reintegrate, as he changes jobs and we lose neighbors and friends to PCS season, together, you and I will be able to use the resiliency that we have gained over the course of the deployment to face it all.

Today, I am learning that with reintegration, as with deployment, staying on schedule is key for me. I haven't been to the gym in four days and I am losing my mind! Today, I am determined to get back on track!

We navigated the deployment together and we can navigate homecoming together. Sweet friends, this is where the "rubber meets the road." I hear you out there, and just because we have closed the books on deployment number five doesn't mean that I am going to leave you behind.

We are in this for the long haul!

Strength and Courage ... sby

Editor's Note:Photo courtesy of Sarah B.Young

Deadline to enter is March 31. Get cooking!

For a split second, I feared for our lives.

My husband, toddlers and I were hunkered down in a tent for a weekend campout. My older son was in his own mini-tent. Six Girl Scouts, including my daughter, were split into two small tents, just footsteps from ours.

The rain pelted the vinyl walls. The drops fell so swift and heavy that it sounded like buckets of nails being dropped on sheets of glass. Water began to slowly drip through the fabric. Wind tugged and pulled at the tent stakes, pushed into the ground deep enough, I hoped, to keep any of our tents from becoming airborne.

It was about 2 a.m. and the storm had been relentless since we shuffled the scouts to bed five hours earlier. It paused long enough for me to hear our sister troop abandon their gear and hurry home before the clouds began spewing again.

I ran out to check on my scouts. I feared their fear. I dreaded unzipping those tents and finding them huddled together, tearful and frightened.  I unzipped each tent carefully and found – sleeping girls, gossiping girls, giggling girls who stashed their flashlights quickly under their pillows as I entered.

Success.

With each of our PCS moves, our family has had one constant: scouts. Our sons are Cub Scouts, our daughter, a Girl Scout. My husband and I both volunteer as troop leaders and district organizers. Our weekend schedules are based on the activities of the two groups.

What seems like a lot of work and stress to some people is a way of connecting with our community for us. My husband and I have met some of our closest friends through scout leader training and seminars. Our children have made friends for life through the program.

And no matter how often or where we move there is always a scout program nearby. When everything is new and unfamiliar, my children can count on scouts to remain constant.  

For me, the opportunity to lead, and teach my Girl Scouts, is a fantastic feeling. In the three years my troop has been together here, they have grown and learned to work together.

They can pitch their own tents, make their own dinners and handle themselves with ease in torrential downpours. I know that my leadership is not the only reason they can do these things, but it has been rewarding to be part of the process.

Military life is a busy life. Between PCS, deployment, training and daily life there can be little room for much else. But if there was one thing I could tell every spouse I met, it would be to find your volunteer niche and make time for it.

All of my closest friends are fellow scout leaders. Scouting has taught me the coolest places to visit in each of our new duty stations. Scouting has made us part of our community within weeks of stepping off the plane.

There are hundreds of volunteer organizations and, undoubtedly, there is one that fits your interests too. Give it a try. You never know where your volunteer role may take you.

Readers, please join me in welcoming home Sarah Young’s husband, Bill, and all the soldiers who are finally in the arms of their loved one this week.

I met Sarah years ago when our children attended preschool together. With her support and guidance I learned to survive the ups and downs of military life. I was thrilled when she agreed to write this blog and share her life with you as well.

This week, Sarah and her family are taking a much deserved break. As seasoned military wives know, the journey isn’t over when the unit returns. There are new challenges and decisions. Families have to reconnect. Soldiers need to adjust to the civilian world again and let go of the 24-7, high-alert lifestyle of the warzone. It’s not an easy transition to make.

And seriously, who ever imagined that one soldier could produce so much laundry?

If your service member is finally home, or soon to be, take your time. Live in the moment, but also give yourself a moment. Reunions are wonderful. But they are also stressful.

Give yourself time to breathe. Give your spouse time to decompress. Don’t get wrapped up in the details of making the house perfect. They have been gone a long time and that means the whole family needs to adjust to living together again. Give the process the time it needs.

And don’t forget to share the good news with your friends here at Salute to Spouses.

If you have a reunion photo you’d like to share, please send it to us at info@salutetospouses.com . We will post the best images on our Facebook page. I can’t look at a single image of those joyful moments without tearing up, but I hope I’ll be crying all week as we post your beautiful photos.

Welcome home, to all our returning warriors. We’re proud of you.

Winter on the East Coast has not been kind to our family.

In the last two months we have been hit with the flu, stomach bugs and every respiratory illness in the book. This is my first cold and flu season with two kids and I am now officially a pro at getting a puking kid to the bathroom while simultaneously using one hand to give a squirmy baby a breathing treatment.  

As much as it stinks to not have family nearby to help, I do count my blessings. One perk of my husband being at this school and not in the fleet is that he comes home every night. The days may be long but I am lucky to have him for relief at the end of the day. No matter what kind of day I have, it always seems better knowing he will be home at the end of it.

As anxious as I am for our PCS, I also know these types of days, faced together, will come to an end.

We will be back to combat training, work ups and (gulp) deployment. Late dinners, solo bedtime and loneliness will be my new reality. I have been there before but after a year, it feels foreign to me.

As much as I have joked and complained about the school my husband has been in for the last year, it’s been refreshing to have him home every night and for so long. I am not sure I could have survived the switch from having one kid to two without him here every day.

We had been looking forward to a week of vacation between his graduation and arriving at his new command so we could visit family and settle in at our new home.

However, his new command wants him to start work right away. So our lengthy break has turned into a weekend drive to the new duty station.

What does that mean for my boys and me? We get to sit in an empty house while we wait a week or so for our belongings to arrive.  I already have nightmares of the movers showing up while I chase the kids by myself and try to keep track of inventory and conditions of all of our belongings.

My imagination is running wild as I write this. Can you feel my panic yet?

Before I allow myself to go any further, I close my eyes and tell myself to stop. I haven’t even thought of what is for dinner tonight (it’s 4:30pm) and I am worried about things two months away that I have no control over.

I know better than this - I can only focus one day at a time.

Tonight my husband will be home for dinner, he will get to play cars with his boys and help with our nighttime routine. Tonight, I am not alone.

I have to remember to stay in the moment. I have no idea what changes this new move will bring but I do know what the next few weeks will be like: I have my family together each night.

Moving is stressful, military or not. But I can’t stress yet. I need to focus on right now. At the end of the day, and all the challenges that arise, we will get through it.  We always do.

My husband is due to deploy in the next couple of months and I am desperately seeking some kind of plan - a roadmap to cling to. 

This is our fourth deployment. 

It’s not like we haven’t been through this before.  When it comes to the Army, we’re on the more experienced side, but definitely not the overly-experienced.  What I find to be the most difficult part of homefront life during deployment is the elusive concept of balance.  It’s so easy to get knocked off our feet.

Our third deployment started out rocky and went down from there.  Our dog drowned the day my husband left. The rental we were living in became infested with black mold. We bought a house and I moved into it box by hand-packed box. We had a brain tumor scare with our youngest child which finally resulted in an Epilepsy diagnosis. 

My normal, schedule-driven life was reduced to a year of triage: the kid who needed attention got it first; whoever ran out of clean socks got their whites tossed in next.  It was a hot mess.  I was a hot mess.  I swore never again would I let a deployment take me down. 

Now it’s time to put my money where my mouth is. 

One thing deployments have taught me is that life goes on for us here at home.  During his last tour, I graduated college.  It had been years of screaming babies and writing term papers at 2 a.m., but that framed diploma on our wall constantly reminds me of what goals we can accomplish when we stick to our plans. 

I know wives who plan to lose weight, ones who will go back to school and ones who will learn a craft or volunteer during this deployment.  My lofty goal this time around is simple sanity. I want to find a balance between my career, keeping our 120-year-old house from falling into shambles and raising these four boys without a father to help me construct Cub Scout pinewood derby cars.  Luckily, I make a mean pinewood car.

Balance is so hard to achieve because each day hits us differently during a deployment.  Scheduling is well and good until a deadline looms and three of the four boys have the stomach flu.  It’s called life and it doesn’t stop just because they’re deployed.  So I’ll have to be flexible with my plans and my schedule. I know I can rock this. 

Our last deployment knocked me on my butt, but this time, I’m up and swinging before it has the chance to strike.  I’m finding my balance and setting routines before he goes.  Sometimes you have to look a deployment square in the face and simply say, “Yeah, I got this.”

Bring it on, Deployment Four. 

Follow Rebecca at http://theonlygirlamongboys.blogspot.com/