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Deployment Soundtrack: Conquer Me
Conquer Me

Blues Traveler, 1993

Preview Song

I have submitted resumes for three different jobs to three different companies. I have the skills and background necessary for all of these jobs. I have not received a single call back. Not one.

After the third rejection, to justify my heartbreak, I thought, 'It is just not time for me to go back to work.' But really, my kids don't need me as much as they once did. I am highly motivated. It seems like I should be able to get a job easily. I like to think I look pretty good on paper.

Just when I had decided I wasn't going to put myself through all of that pain again, my sweet neighbor came to my door to let me know that there was a job being posted that would be perfect for me. So with a deep breath, I begin to research the job posting.

It is something that is within my field of study. I have some experience in the field. Now comes the difficult part. I have to match my resume to the wording in the post. With these automated application systems, interviewers are looking for specific words within my resume.

So based on the counsel of several good friends, I have gone over my resume with a fine tooth comb. I changed some wording to be similar to the posting and next, I have to get through the actual application system.

I will return to the automated system and again, I will throw myself into the system. Hopefully my revamped resume will make me stand out. By the time you read this, I will have held my breath, closed my eyes and pressed the submit button.

Hopefully, next week, I will be able to tell you that I am looking for a new interview suit. And we can talk about the fashion of interviewing.

Wish me luck!

Strength and Courage ... sby

The College Spouse: School Is In For Summer

The summer is super busy for me and my family as I continue to attend school and my kids head to summer camp. 

I organize my summer schedule the same way that I do my fall and spring schedule – completely around my kids and their activities. This summer, however, my husband is scheduled to return from deployment so I need to throw that into the mix as well.

To make room for everything on our daily list, I’ve signed up for morning and early afternoon classes. That way I still have time to enjoy part of the summer with my family without completely wearing myself out.

It’s tough to take classes over the summer since my kids are out of school. But, I want to complete the prerequisites for my nursing program quickly. The only way to do that is to continue hitting the books even while everyone else is taking a break.

I know it’s a sacrifice that we are making as a family, but in the long run, these hard times will pay off. As a military spouse I have an easier time attending classes in the summer than many of my civilian counterparts.

The base has a free summer camp for the kids to attend and the hours fit my schedule. While I’m studying my kids will get to have a great summer and not be cooped up in the house.

If you are considering attending school over the summer start thinking about your schedule in advance. Once you know what classes you’re going to take, map out how you want to spend your summer. Communicate with your family so everyone will know what is happening. 

If you have children, see what camps or activities they can do while you attend class. You can also sign up for an online class instead if there are not childcare options. With a little preparation, you can have a great summer and attend school at the same time.

Are You Aware?

I am officially all-awared out.

Anyone who has spent more than four weeks in a military base knows that each month is designated as (insert cause here) awareness month!

There are seminars. There are lunches. There are cultural events. There is sign-holding at the gate to promote, or discourage, that cycle’s chosen cause/nemesis.

I get it. The official designation can help spread the much needed word about conditions, disease, history, etc.  But it can be a little overwhelming.

And then I stumbled across Nellis Air Force Base’s official Awareness Months Calendar. I became eternally grateful that the military didn’t feel the need to celebrate each and every cause.

Drumroll, please, for my favorites and how I think we should celebrate:

Family Fit Lifestyle Month (January) – Let soldiers come home in time in the evening so their wives can actually get to the gym for an aerobics class. Let them go to their children’s sports practices and help coach. Currently, our base has to limit the number of kids who can play because there are no parents available to coach. No wife I know can attend the aerobics classes because her husband is still stuck in the office. The vicious cycle of no shows in class means the base cancels the class.

Wise Mental Health Consumer Month (February) – I’m not sure what this even means, but by my interpretation, it means getting the proper care and knowing what to do if you are not. I’ve noticed on our base that during awareness months the command is great about announcing the month but miserable at actually providing resources. If they are going to bother to celebrate the cause, they should also bother to put together literature that lists resources for Mental Health. These should be readily available at units and information desks. It doesn’t do much good to throw a parade and not tell anyone what it’s for.

Better Sleep Month (May) – Mandatory naps. Every. Day. Of. The. Month. You’ve all heard of mandatory fun, right? The command books a day of activities and sports that you are required to attend? Mandatory naps; this idea could make me president.

Revise Your Work Schedule Month (May) – Hey boss, I’m tired of working 12 hour days. I will see you later! So, this probably wouldn’t work as well as I hope but it might be a good time to reassess how you use your time behind the desk and perhaps streamline your work schedule so you can make your son’s soccer practice or let your exhausted wife go to yoga (see Family Fit Lifestyle Month above).

Social Media Month (May) – Mandatory Facebook time! It could happen.

Adopt a Shelter Dog Month (October) – How about we tweak this to be Learn What It Takes To Actually Own And Care For A Dog Before You Adopt One Month? Too many military families fall in love with a tiny, fluffy puppy and then dump it in the street come deployment or PCS time. Those same animals are left in the backyards of housing for 24-hours at a time through heat and cold. Military families have a lot more stressors and instability and having a pet means more coordination and planning. Not every family is up for it. Officials should make sure they are before they send that cute fluffball off to a life of misery and eventually, abandonment. 

Other unusual month themes that caught my eye:

School Library Media Month – April

Spring Ahead for Life Month – April

Work Life Enrichment Month – April

Correct Posture Month- May

World Habitat Awareness Month – April

Recommitment Month – May

Self-Discovery Month – May

Tickling Month – July

Children’s Good Manners Month – September

Political Correctness Awareness Month – December

Want to see the whole list? Check it at http://www.nellis.af.mil/shared/media/document/AFD-111213-022.pdf

Deployment Soundtrack: A Soldier's Wife
A Soldier's Wife

Roxy Dean, 2005

Preview Song

I am an Army wife. It is all I have been for the last 11 years. It is my job. It is what I do. I have lived through the agony of deployments with little or no communication with my soldier. I have lived through deployments with too much communication. If I weren't an Army wife, I don't know who or what I would be.

I was scrolling through my Twitter today looking to see what people were doing at 3 in the afternoon and I happened upon a group of "girlfriends". It is a group of ladies that chat around their virtual table at different times of the day. Their discussions spanned the standard list of relationship issues: keeping the romance alive, love languages, blended families and such. But, the relationship topics I turn to are, 'How about keeping romance alive when all you have is Skype for 12 months,' or 'How your love language might change after five deployments.' You get the idea.

My lifestyle didn’t quite fit nicely into their other discussions either.

I have not been a single mom, but I have been a geographically single mom. Does that count?

I am not a working mom, but I have volunteered almost as much, if not more, than some people work in a week. Does that count?

Where on Earth do I fit in? What is my category? Sometimes I feel like an octagonal peg in a rectangular hole when I try to make my way in the civilian world. 

Since my youngest has started school, I have decided to look for some sort of employment to help my family gain financial freedom. I have put together my resume. I have had trusted and knowledgeable friends check it and recheck it. I have written cover letters and spent hours on the phone with my editor to make certain they were perfect.

So why is it that I can't seem to get a call back or an interview? Is volunteer experience any less important than paid experience? How do I not take it so personally when I don't get a call back?

Is the solution to just create my own job and niche in this world? I am not really sure. But we can explore that together in the weeks to come. What I am sure of, is that I will keep volunteering no matter what!

 

Strength and Courage ... sby

Homefront Spouse: Back to the Grind

Our calendar is beginning to fill with trainings, late nights and weekend work hours for my Marine.

Initially, the conversation between my husband and I about this new job and all that it entails stung a little bit. Long hours and nights apart are nothing new, but a year together while he attended school spoiled us all.

It is going to be a big change for our boys to experience Daddy being gone more and stuck with Mom instead all the time. My two-year-old idolizes everything Daddy does, like any little boy! He likes following Dad around the house or garage and helping with “man things”. The only thing I do in his toddler eyes is shop for food and make dinner. Sigh. 

Secretly, I don’t mind watching him turn into a daddy’s boy. There is nothing cuter then having your son think his daddy is a real hero.  I knew the schedule change was coming but I didn’t want accept it. And I definitely wasn’t quite ready to face it yet either.

But here we are, another late night this week and I really am ok, better than I expected actually. Yes, the days are exhausting but my mind has never been clearer and I feel calm - and happy.  Not to say I wasn't at our last duty station, but North Carolina is a fresh start for us - no cramped house, no newborn and nighttime feedings, no DC traffic.

No more dark cloud hanging over me. We have a clean slate. I could jump on the band wagon and complain about returning to a combat billet but it won't change anything. I know what is asked of me as a military spouse. We make sacrifices too and this is one of them.

So, I’ll put on my big girl pants and focus on our time together when my Marine is able to be with us. It can't be easy on him either and I think it is easy to forget that sometimes. As tough as it is on family, it is just as tough for them.  I know he is happy to actually be working again and no longer a student, but he must miss us too. At least I hope so!

He has so much to do all day I feel the least I could do is make the best of the situation and be a positive environment for my Marine to come home to. The house may be a mess, dinner may be burned or cold or not even made but we will be happy to see him no matter what time of day or night. I may have bad days (lots) and will definitely need to vent and allow myself to be frustrated but I can do it without placing blame on my Marine.

We are in this crazy life together after all. So bring it on Marine Corps, we are ready.

We Heart Military Bloggers: www.militarymentalhealth.org

Our Favorite Blog of the Month:  http://www.militarymentalhealth.org/blog/

The White House has pushed the issue of improving the mental health of military members and their families to front and center stage.

Last week President Obama announced sweeping changes to the Veterans’ Administration that will add thousands of counselors to their ranks as well as hundreds of community events and millions of dollars.

His focus, he said, was erasing the stigma of seeking help for mental health issues. Taking that first step through the doors of the local VA is going to be difficult for a lot of people.

With this website and blog, you don’t have to leave your house to take those first steps toward help.

The Department of Defense created the Military Pathways website with the help of Screening for Mental Health, a nonprofit organization. The site provides free, anonymous mental health and alcohol self-assessments for all service members, including the National Guard and Reserve, as well as their families.

The website addresses depression, PTSD, anxiety disorder, alcohol use and bipolar disorder. After a series of self assessment questions, the site will tell visitors whether they could benefit from working with a mental health professional and will provide them with a referral for services provided through the DOD and the VA.

The site also includes videos addressing these issues and articles for family members and caregivers.

Finally, this site’s fantastic blog highlights new programs, treatments and steps you can take to regain control of your mental health. The blog tells the stories of military families’ journeys through PTSD. The blog posts provide information for military members, spouses and helps guides parents through improving the mental health of children and teens during deployment and PCS.

After just a few minutes on the site I found myself writing down several websites and clicking on links to programs that I thought would benefit my own family and friends.

The issue of mental health is not an easy one to address or know what direction to head in. Visit this site first to kick start your journey to a healthier future.

Tackling Mental Health Issues

Last week the White House hosted the National Conference on Mental Health. President Obama announced that money, specialists and efforts would be poured into the Veterans Affairs Department in an effort to get help to every veteran and family member who needs it.

It is a gallant step in the right direction.

As part of his call to arms, the president announced that the VA has already met his challenge to hire 1,600 new mental health professionals. The department’s crisis line has increased its capacity by 50 percent. More than 150 VA centers across the nation will host mental health summits with community partners.

In a speech last week, Obama specifically addressed the need to reduce the stigma associated with seeking help for mental illness.

That is the key.

Without a shift in mindset no amount of money or counselors are going to convince suffering military members and their families to seek help.

War is hell. Coming home and living with the aftermath can be absolute torture. And too often, the men and women who suffer the most also suffer in silence. They are our nation’s warriors. To admit a need for help, may seem to them, akin to admitting defeat.

The thousands of recently hired counselors are not going to help them step out of the shadows. Neither can the millions of dollars the government is willing to spend.

This is a job for us - spouses, children, parents, neighbors.

Our husbands, mothers, sons and daughters risked everything to fight for us. It is our turn to fight for them. The perceived stigma of seeking treatment will only dissipate if we provide a safe environment for them to do so.

If your veteran is suffering, contact the VA. Ask for guidance and then be the safe, gentle, positive force that leads your veteran to seek help.

They can’t do it without us. They won’t do it without us. Please help.

Deployment Soundtrack: Hurricane
Hurricane

Bridgit Mendler, 2012

Preview Song

This week I had planned to write about trying to break back into the business world. Starting from what seemed like scratch is hard on the soul and the mind. But then something happened ...

On the Friday before summer school was slated to begin, I received a voicemail confirming littlest sweet boy's seat on the bus to school. "Great," I thought. We are ready to roll.

Monday morning came, littlest sweet boy got on the bus and I waved goodbye. I drove to the gym and jumped onto a treadmill for my run and then began my session with the trainer at 9 a.m. I didn't check my phone until 10 a.m. when I got back in my truck.

Then I heard the words that will haunt me for many days to come. The voice said, "This is Mrs. Hunt. We have Stephen and he is safe."

My heart just sank. My son is on the autism spectrum and his issue is communication. I had been telling him for a week that he would get off the bus when he saw his paraprofessional. Unfortunately, due to a miscommunication on the paperwork, he was dropped off at the school he attended last summer not the school to which he was assigned.

I am not sure if it was lucky for him, lucky for the school or lucky for me, but as I listened to the voicemail, I realized that the school had done everything they could to rectify the situation. Between the time the teacher left me a message at 9:13 a.m. and the time I called the school at 10 a.m., the school had faxed corrective paperwork over to the county transportation department. All I had to do as the parent was follow up with the transportation department, which I did when I got home.

When I submitted the incident to the court of public opinion on Facebook, I was met with interesting responses. Mostly, my friends felt that they would have lost their cool or even "flipped out." Make no mistake, that was my internal response! My brain was screaming, "Are you kidding me? How does a child with special needs get dropped off at the wrong school? Don't you have double and triple checks for that?"

But here, sweet friends, is where our practice of being passionate without being emotional can be utilized. He could have ended up at a school where no one knew him. Instead, he was taken to the school he attended last summer.

I don't know if he remembered the teacher, but she remembered him. She took him into her classroom for the day and made it all work. When he came home from school, he was a little out of sorts, but that happens with any change in routine.

The next morning as we prepared for school I decided to not take any chances. I pulled off a long strip of duct tape and wrote on it, "Please take me to Ware Elementary. If not, call my mom at ...". I stuck it on his shirt and made another strip for his backpack.

The bus pulled up to my driveway and before I let him step a toe on it, I confirmed his drop off with the driver.

The bus pulled away and I waited. Thirty minutes later, I received a text from littlest sweet boy's paraprofessional that included a picture. He made it safely to school.

I was glad to be in the eye of the hurricane that day. I let the system that was in place work, and it may have been chaotic and scary, but we were experiencing the calm inside the storm.

The lessons I learned from this incident are to listen carefully, ask for documentation and let the system work. I asked if they minded if I followed up and they were grateful to have me do so. For those of you who know me personally, you know I would have followed up anyway, but the team felt better that I offered to do so.

It may sound a little silly, but how you as the parent or advocate of the child react to these situations is almost as important as the incident itself. Be passionate not emotional. Listen more than you speak. Look for what the team has done right. Offer to help where you can. Finally, follow up and follow up again!

Strength and Courage ... sby

 

Adjustment, Over

My husband has been deployed six weeks now.  This is when the adjustment period is supposed to be over, right? Well, at least that’s usually what happens around here.  We’ve done this so many times that I know the general pattern of it and this last week was week 6: Hell Week. 

It’s been the kind of week where I’m looking at these tiny humans I’ve created and asking who they are and what they’ve done with my real children.  I’ve never had so many kids sitting in time-out at once.  It’s a good thing we have a long staircase. 

We’re six weeks in and my boyish little guys have sprouted horns and are carrying pitch forks. I’m left shaking my head, wondering why the words, “Stop licking your brother” just escaped my mouth.  Oh, but it did. The four-year-old is looking up at me with a perfectly plausible explanation yet the big brothers are not amused. 

We’re past the initial shock and the initial honeymoon period where the boys are little angels.  We’re in triage mode: “whoever’s out of socks gets their laundry done next,” and “Yeah, we’ve got this.” 

We’re six weeks in, and I’m wondering why on Earth I thought going on a Paleo-diet and giving up wine and caffeine was a good idea during a deployment.  Any given day has every mood in this house. But I know that every day, without fail, each of the boys at a different time will whisper the words, “I just miss Daddy,” and my heart will break all over again. 

Tomorrow will mark a full six weeks since he’s been gone, and this is finally starting to feel real.  His face on Skype makes me want to crawl through the computer just to feel my fingertips against his skin.  I’d almost forgotten how badly this sucks. 

But we’re keeping busy.  We’re out at events, hitting the parks and taking trips to visit family.  I have a vow for this deployment: I shall not hermit and I mean to keep it.  I’m trying to focus more on what the boys need and how to keep those smiles on their faces.  I’m keeping close to my battle-buddies, both local and not, leaning when I need to and supporting where I can.  I’m learning to run out my frustrations instead of eat them (the scale thanks me), and cherishing every second that I get my husband on Skype, phone, or IM. 

Adjustment over. Welcome to deployment.  We’re about to kick its butt. 

Follow Rebecca at http://theonlygirlamongboys.blogspot.com/.

Retirement Chronicles: Living in housing? No need to pack, yet

That last day in the military is coming on fast and furious. And some of you don’t have a job. Or a place to live.

You don’t need to shack up with your in-laws or pick a hotel to call home. Retirees have 11 months from their last day in service to move out of government housing.

Say it with me, yeehaw!

For a large family like mine choosing a place to live takes a certain mixture of savvy, great planning and perfect timing. Since neither my husband nor I have found full-time jobs yet, picking a place to settle is a moot point.

We’re stuck in a loop: if we move without a job, we may have to move again in short order once we find a job. Who really wants to change over bills, official documents and explain the short turnover to their landlord? I don’t even want to think about how much we may lose in security deposits since, as retirees, our last minute moves will no longer be nicely covered under a military clause in the rental contract.

Turns out, you can hole up in government quarters and avoid the real world for a little longer - 11 months to be exact. Now, your time there isn’t free. You have to continue paying rent after your military pay stops arriving.

And once you receive retirement orders, if you decide government housing is the place for you, you can be placed on the waiting list to receive housing on base after your 11 months have passed.

The amount of time you are allowed to remain on base as a retiree once you secure a house depends on the location. In Hawaii, once you move up the very long waiting list and are placed in a house you can essentially live out your days there.

At other bases, retirees sign one-year leases and are awarded spots only if the influx of active duty members that year is low, meaning you could be moving in and out pretty often.

 So, for now, we will remain in our snug military house until we see what the outside world has waiting for us, at least until 11 months from now.

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