Our favorite blog of the month: http://www.militarywifemayhem.com/

The great thing about being a military spouse is that you are never alone. There are thousands of us around the globe who share the same joy and heartbreak that come with life in uniform.

But did you ever think to look outside your own nation for support and comfort? Military life is not easy for spouses in any nation or of any army. You can see this by reading the blog, A Military Wife’s Mayhem by Canadian military spouse, Vanessa (no last name listed).

She writes about her husband’s deployment to Afghanistan as a member of the Canadian military. She writes about her two children. She deals with many of the same difficulties we American spouses encounter when it comes to arguing with the on-base housing office and navigating messy neighbors. She even chimed in on the Huffington Post article published in March that describes military families as having “lavish lifestyles.”

Her joys are our joys. Her heartbreak is our heartbreak. She may pledge allegiance to a different flag but she is our sister in arms.

Check out her page at http://www.militarywifemayhem.com/

Enjoy!

Know a military blogger you’d like to see featured? Send us a link at info@salutetospouses.com

Spring is a good time to be a military family member. April saw the celebration of the Military Child with activities and programs around the globe. Last Friday marked Military Spouse Appreciation Day.

Some days, I feel like the military bends over backwards to accommodate family members. I mean really, what other corporation goes to the lengths that the military does to keep families healthy, entertained and happy?

On other days, I’m trapped on the phone, listening to canned, patriotic Muzak tunes as I wait for help with issues that I feels like the Army should care about, but does not.

Like most things in life, you take the good with the bad, and on most days as a military spouse, the good seems to far outweigh the bad.

Still, if I could rub a lamp and have three wishes granted, sequestration be darned, these are programs I wish the DOD would implement:

1. DODEA Schools , at every location. Moving is hard enough on military kids. As we crossed the country, and the Pacific three years ago, and are preparing to do the same again soon, I realized very quickly how much more stress military kids face with the prospect of changing schools. This is about more than making new friends and learning the lunchroom routine. State standards vary greatly as do curriculum and sometimes grading scales. My kids will be at a massive disadvantage when we leave Hawaii because the standards here are considered less than those taught in North Carolina schools. In Hawaii schools my children were not pushed academically and meeting the minimum standard was praised. North Carolina schools and teachers expect more from their students and I fear my kids are going to struggle as they adjust to the more difficult work and expectations. I prefer they learn to meet the more strict guidelines, however, I don’t think it is fair for them to be bounced between the two systems so carelessly. DODEA schools in every military location could give military children standardized requirements, curriculum and expectations. Transitions would be easier and students who may struggle in school may have an easier experience if there were fewer changes to face at each duty station.
2. Un-privatize housing - Sure, it's nice to have someone mow my front lawn and fix the back screen door my kid busted through. But with privatization has come a shift in culture and attitude among service members and their families. The notion of the NCO code and the ideals that soldiers have sworn to upheld now tend to be checked at the door of the unit when they head home. The amount of crime committed by soldiers or family members against other soldiers and family members is staggering. Neighbors are disrespectful and cruel to each other. Military children are left to run amok. When you call housing to ask for help, they can offer none. Soldier behavior, they say, is not their job. When you call the Army, they refer you back to the housing office. Meanwhile the bad behavior continues. I understand that we all need to escape the stressors of the job and make our home a safe zone. However, I also believe that when you agree to enter this military life you give up a lot of privileges and that includes acting like the neighborhood schmuck. I just think if your neighbors were your coworkers and the men and women who could impact your career because they saw you behaving inappropriately, military neighborhoods might be more pleasant. Why set a standard if you only expect soldiers to adhere to it part time? Not to mention, it might help with the DOD budget. Stop paying contractors to tend to our yards. Teach those young wives to work a lawnmower instead!
3. Spouse PT - I'm jealous of my husband’s mandated PT time. Sure, it’s at an ungodly hour of the morning and it’s grueling. But if someone required my spouse to watch my kids so I could work out and then facilitated the program, I'd probably be a lot healthier. For now, I have to schedule my workouts around my husband’s sporadic schedule, meaning I get a full work out about once a week. If the command set aside a time when spouses could exercises and when soldiers are guaranteed to be home to watch the kids, I’d be ecstatic. It could be lunchtime, before lunch, heck, even 5 a.m. At this point I'm so desperate to leave the house alone I would take any time they had and make the most of it.

What’s your dream military family program? What changes would you implement if you were in charge?

So Mother Army took my sweet soldier away for 12 months. Then, she brought him back and gave him 30 days off. It was wonderful to have him home, but it was a long 30 days.

What was the best thing that she could do for me?

She sent him back to work!

Thank you, Mother Army!

I need to stay on my schedule as much as he needs to stay on his. Now, back to our regularly scheduled marriage.

Strength and courage … sby

Our packers arrive tomorrow. This is our PCS week!

I made my to-do lists, organized as best as I could and feel surprisingly calm. I actually had nothing extra to do at one point and even fit in a workout today. It almost doesn’t feel right to be this calm during a move. I hope the week continues like this and the craziness is behind us. 

But, I know better. Too many things can happen between now and that last box getting unpacked. But, I am not letting myself go there right now. We have had a busy two weeks of traveling and living out of suitcases, so I cannot wait to feel settled again. The fact that we will have three years in our new home is incredibly refreshing after two PCS moves in a single year.

As if a PCS move wasn’t chaotic enough, we closed on the purchase of our first home two weeks ago in North Carolina.  When we made the 6-hour drive to our new duty station to finish the paperwork, we also decided to move most of our big furniture by ourselves.  My husband took full advantage of the fact that I wasn’t pregnant this move and put me to work. Couches, beds, dressers and boxes were loaded and unloaded by just the two of us. My strength and determination was actually surprising to us both, but I think I am just that anxious to get out of our current living situation.

After we signed our lives away and were handed our keys, we enjoyed our new home for a quick 36 hours before we made the trip back to Virginia. I cannot tell you how wonderful that day in our new home was. Everything about it feels right and I felt like a new person for those few hours. And we all know, if mom is happy, then we are all happy!

I truly believe my tough year in Virginia, in the house I’ve nicknamed, “our mouse hole,” has made me appreciate the small things about our new home, like a yard and closets.

While buying a home while still serving in the military may not be the best choice for everyone, this feels right for us. There are a lot of risks with such a large purchase since re-location orders can come at any time. Living on base has always been a safe bet for us, but we are ready for change.

The obstacles we overcame this past year have gotten us exactly where we were meant to be. For the first time in almost seven years as a military family, I feel like we are home. I look forward to sharing our journey at another new duty station with you!

I got nothing.

I feel like I have nothing to write, nothing to say because I am buried under a giant pile of everything.

There is so much to do that it can be impossible some mornings to decide where to begin. And this morning, I’m feeling just a little lost.

The house needs to be packed for an impending move. The most specific date we have been given is 90 days. You know the drill. Pack for a move in which you don’t quite know where you are going or when.

It’s the end of the school year so every weekend is filled with final little league games, end-of-year parties, graduations and ceremonies. There’s little time left between events to sleep. Forget tackling that to-do list.

With all that packing comes the never-ending research: the search for a good school, preschool, house, therapy, scout troop, veterinarian and activities for our 7-member household. We’re moving at a key time of the year for signups - for small activities like sports teams and bigger issues like preschool. You have to be ready to call with check in hand as soon as you know where you will be landing.

And despite how much I have to do, life keeps marching forward. I’ve always said if I could pick any magical power it would be to stop time. How great would it be for the rest of the world to stop turning while I got my entire shipment of household goods in order? Instead, every morning that I wake up with a list, I still have to get the kids to school, run to the grocery, handle issues for the volunteer positions I hold, juggle two toddlers  - the daily grind that is putting our pcs prep on ice.

So, this morning, I really have nothing to say. Because I know my fellow military spouses reading this know exactly what I’m going through. There is so much to do it leaves you almost, speechless.

Drive on friends. We’ll be unpacking, and packing again, before you know it.

Are you still reintegrating? We are. Not every day is a good one and not every day is a bad one. It's just life.

One of the things I am really trying to do is manage my expectations - of him, of me, of the kids. You get the idea.

But one thing we have done together is complete a Warrior Dash. If you are not familiar with the race, it is 3.1 miles of trail and obstacle fun. We ran together. We negotiated the obstacles together. I fell he helped me up. I tripped on a tree root. He asked me if I was okay and I yelled at him. Hmmmmm. I learned a lot about myself that day and I learned about us that day.

Stay strong, sweet friends. As everyone gets back on a regular schedule, my hope is that you will find some peace in your heart and soul. Remember that everyone gets through this in their own time. Don't compare your relationship to your girlfriend's and her husband. Everyone and every relationship is different.

As I write, my sweet soldier and I are celebrating 11 years of marriage and in that, five combat tours, five changes of station, three kids and countless craziness! Thank you for taking me on this journey with you!

Strength and Courage ... sby

This house is empty; at least that’s how it feels once the kids are asleep. The hours between bedtime stories and sleep are usually my favorite of the day, when I drop the supermom cape and curl up with my husband for a few precious, tranquil hours.

But this house is empty and now these hours are eerily quiet. A few days ago, deployment four began.

It doesn’t feel real. I’m functioning like he’s coming home from work any minute, when in reality, I know we’re staring down nine, long months. He’s been gone so much for school and training this past year that we’ve only had a fraction of his time to spend together. I’ve grown so accustomed to his absence that it feels almost second nature, like this deployment isn’t really happening - he’s just TDY. It’s an odd mix of grief and denial. Yesterday, after I walked the boys home from the bus, I figured I’d better run the vacuum and start dinner before Jason came home. Oh. Wait. Yeah.   

Little things force our reality to hit home, like tripping over the shoes he left in the mudroom or finding a baseball glove he left out from playing with the boys. I know it will be far too long, and too many birthdays, until he uses either of them again. He put on his deployment wedding band, inscribed “fly safe,” and for now, his formal one hangs on my necklace, resting against silver aviator wings.

His hoodie hangs on the bannister because it smells like him and I’m not ready to put it away yet, not when I can still breathe him in. My kids probably think I’m some deranged cat with catnip, the way I hold the sweatshirt to my face. 

His shaving cream is on the bathroom counter and his scent still clings to his pillow, a minor comfort when I realize my laptop and two phones are sleeping in his place. There are moments when our reality hits me and then it feels like my chest might implode with pressure and choked back tears. The first week of a deployment is not for the faint of heart.

We have had four deployments in our 11 years of marriage. The truth is, none of this gets any easier; we just get better at it. The ache is just as fierce as it was during his first deployment in 2003, but we’ve grown to function, and even thrive through it all. That ache reminds me that a love that knows no distance is to be cherished and it is something to be thankful for. We’ve learned how to flourish in our marriage during deployments.  Whether he’s sitting on the couch next to me, or 7,000 miles away, he’s still my best friend and my partner in our crazy existence. Skype, email, text, calls, care packages and good old fashioned love letters keep us connected when we can’t be together. The only thing that makes these deployments tolerable is that I can still feel him here, even when he’s so far away. 

Yes, the first week is a doozy. It’s stepping off the cliff and hoping you fly, even though it feels more like a plummet than a glide. The good news is that the first week only happens once a deployment. The second week brings with it the passage of time, a better groove, a more stable schedule.  Denial will fade, and we will have good days and bad. I’ll be thankful for the good ones, and push through the less-than-good ones, knowing that nothing stops the passage of time and that he will come home. Nine months does not last forever, it only feels like it. 

Our house may be quiet for these few hours, but in a few more, the boys will be awake and up to their shenanigans. I’ll put away his shoes, his baseball gloves and his sweater, but the best reminders of him are still here to hug and kiss me good morning in the form of four wonderfully noisy boys. Besides, quiet houses are overrated. 

Ding, Ding, Ding. Round four has begun.

Follow Rebecca also at http://theonlygirlamongboys.blogspot.com/

The radio announcer said a curious thing last week. He interviewed a fantastic local personality and when he was through, sighed and said, “I want to do that when I grow up.’

But you’re a successful radio deejay, with a steady income, in a large, successful market. That’s the definition of grown up, right?

Even my kindergartner who was listening along made note. ‘But mom, he already has a job,’ he exclaimed.

True. But that doesn’t mean he has to stop dreaming.

Every day thousands of grown-ups with full-time jobs, families and a steady income make the decision to go back to school.

The notion that college is only for pre-adult, high school graduates who struggle to learn how to do laundry, wake up on time and go to class all at once has been turned upside down.

College is for anyone with a dream. 

And deciding what you want to be when you grow up can definitely change as you grow.

Those college courses can take you from worker bee to management. They can help you change fields. They can earn you your first degree after years of putting it off for babies, PCS and marriage.

Dreams don’t end when you enter the workforce. They become clearer.

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?  Going back to school is the first step to make that happen.  Visit your education office on base or speak with a local admissions representative. You can make your dreams come true.

This week, I have been on vacation. Yes, you read that correctly. I, just me, am on vacation.

My mother is retiring from her job in my hometown. So for a week, I am not Mrs. Young, Mom or a volunteer. I am Sarah Bradshaw Young, daughter.

I have been able to reconnect with friends that I haven't seen in 10 or 20 years and I have spent quality time with my parents and brother whom I haven't seen in almost three years. In short, I have had a great time!

On the other side of that coin, my sweet soldier is at home with the three kids for the week, alone. Oh my.

I left some notes for him. What the kids take for lunch and snack. What time they get up and go to bed. What time the buses arrive to drop off and pick up. In short, I wrote him a field manual to our life, and according to the kids, he has done a great job!

The funny thing is that in the mornings after the kids left for school, he called to say, "I'm not doing it right. The kids are looking forward to you coming home. What time exactly will you be back?"

I am sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that my sweet soldier did an excellent job of taking care of the kids! I know they were fed. They were bathed. They made it to school on time. And they were loved. Those are the things that are important to me, not necessarily in that order. Each time I spoke with him, I tried to be encouraging without nagging. I finally asked him to consider something.

If he threw me into his job and tossed me a manual on how to do it, step by step, I should be able to get the job done. I would not do it as efficiently or as quickly as he would, but it would get done. The same is true of being a stay-at-home-mom or primary caregiver. When he stepped into that role, he did things his own way and the way that worked for him but according to their schedule and routine. He got the job done. His mission was complete.

Sweet soldier, you did a fabulous job! Thank you for making it possible for me to take a small vacation to be with my mom on a very important day. Thank you for making it so that I could relax for a week. I am almost home, and then it is back to the grind!

Strength and Courage ... sby

PCS moves are a hassle. They are even more so when the move happens during a college semester.

During our last move, we were given orders just three months before my husband’s report date. I was in the middle of a semester. Chaos ensued.

Because I was attending a local university and not an online college, I had to quickly begin the process of finding a school in the new location and hope that my classes would transfer. I packed, researched schools, studied and cared for my family all at once – which made for an exhausting three months.

When we arrived at our new duty station I had no internet. Perfect.

I relied on my cell phone to complete homework and to continue researching local colleges.

One of my first stops on base was the Navy College office. The counselor there provided me with more information about the local schools and helped me choose one that was military friendly.

Visiting the counselor was the best step I could have made. I am happy with my choice of school and enjoying my experience there. Unfortunately all of my credits didn’t transfer, but I have already caught up and earned enough to continue forward in my program.    

While I recommend that you try hard to finish your semester before you PCS, it is not always possible. If your PCS comes quick, just try to do as much research as possible and register soon with your new school. That speeds up the process once you arrive and is one less task you are faced with while you unpack.

And, don’t forget to visit the education office on base. The counselors there have all the information you need to know about local schools.