How could you not love Etsy? So many fabulous, creative, handmade items in one place. Like a craft fair without the lines and bad parking.

I ordered a garden flag last winter and immediately looked up the artist on Facebook once the product arrived. I wanted to give her a big, online "like" and a thank you for the prompt delivery. I was pleased as punch to learn from her profile that my super cute new flag was also born of the imagination and creativity of a military spouse.

Jennifer Gonzales has been a Marine Corps wife for eight years. She and her husband, who has served for 14 years, were high school sweethearts.

Jennifer said she had a lifelong love of sewing and wanted to try out embroidery. So, on her fifth wedding anniversary when her husband was out in the field, she found a great deal on an embroidery machine and couldn't pass it up. And like a lot of us, her husband bought her the perfect gift, even if he didn't know it right away. Wink, wink!

The machine would soon prove to pay for itself. Jennifer got right to work embroidering "everything she could." Soon, she was selling keychains attached to a pocket that could hold a license, debit card and other small cards.

 
Jen's Sew Cute Creations was born.

We spent a few minutes with Jennifer getting to know her and her business. Here is what she has to say about being a small business owner and a military spouse:

What additional businesses challenges do you face because of the requirements that come with military life?

"Scheduling is hard for me sometimes because I like to work when the kids are in bed or if my husband takes them to do something. Sometimes he has to work late, has duty or is in the field and it may be a last minute schedule change for him so I have to figure out how to adjust."

What is the best thing about  being a military spouse business owner?
   

"I think the networking with other spouses is great! Being a military spouse you seem to have an unspoken bond with other military spouses and we all like to help each other out by buying from each other and spreading the word about businesses we have used." 

What is the number one piece of advice you would give to military spouses who are considering opening their own small business?

"If you like to do something, then just go for it! Start off small and advertise, advertise, advertise!  Don't be discouraged if you're not selling right away, but also know your limits and when to stop taking orders so you're not overwhelmed with this new adventure!"

Find Jen's Sew Cute Creations on Etsy at:

http://etsy.me/Ub70Kt

or on Facebook at:

https://m.facebook.com/pages/Pocket-Keychains-and-more/127080724104814

Autumn Lotz was pregnant with her second child when she went back to college.

She was doing well in her classes, but she was exhausted.

“The hardest part was dealing with homework, pregnancy and a toddler,” said Lotz, a Navy spouse. “Pregnancy brain is a serious thing.”

She dropped an 8 a.m. class because she was worried about her exhaustion affecting her grade.  Taking that class online would have been easier, she said, but she also admits that she doesn’t thrive in online classes.

“I’ve yet to finish my college degree,” she said. “Because of when I was due, in the middle of the semester, I had to take a whole semester off.  Then I had to take another semester off because she [my daughter] was too young for me to leave several hours at a time.”

Lotz is in her fourth year of working on her associate’s degree, and she still has an estimated two years left.

Lotz is also part of a growing trend of undergraduate college students who are considered “non-traditional,” which can mean, in a lot of cases, that they have at least one child.

While college enrollment can be considered advantageous for a family’s future economic prospects, a child can also present a blockade to finishing education, according to The Wisconsin Financial Aid Study, “Managing to Make It: The College Trajectories of Traditional-Aged Students with Children.”

Still, with the proper support, a college degree can be attainable for a student with children, according to the study.

“Schools need a published policy that respects pregnant women, whether they are faculty, staff or student,” said Serrin M. Foster, president of Feminists for Life, an organization that operates with the goal of meeting the needs of women, so as to lesson abortions.

Foster said that different institutions have different solutions, and it isn’t always “happening all over the place yet.”

“You’re your own advocate,” Foster said.

Inform professors ahead of time about your pregnancy and how it may affect your future in their course, even if you just need more breaks from sitting due to a baby dancing on your bladder.

“I mean, you can’t stop a pregnant woman from going to the bathroom,” she said.  “They have to accommodate this.”

Advocate for access to handicap parking or an elevator key, if it’s necessary, she added.

For the most part, though, things are getting better, Foster said.  And, if you will ask for support, people will provide what they can.

Still, the struggle is that “perception is reality,” Foster said. “We think that pregnancy means your education is over.”

But, even legally speaking, it doesn’t have to be.

Title IX means any educational program that receives federal funding cannot discriminate based on sex, including pregnancy.

This means pregnancy-related absences are excused; when you leave school, you can return and be reinstated.  Your grades can’t be penalized for pregnancy, and you cannot be harassed in any way for your condition.

“Under Title IX, schools must offer pregnant students the same benefits they offer to students with other temporary medical conditions,” according to the National Women’s Law Center.

Colleges take care of STD education, alcohol abuse and suicide prevention, she said.

“The last thing they talk about is pregnancy and parenting,” she added.

Some schools have childcare centers and childcare financial assistance in place for when the baby is born, she said.

“Who in college can afford an au pair?” she said.

Housing near or on campus for families is available at some places, compared to 20 years ago, when pregnant students watched “new housing go up for basketball players,” but nothing for them, Foster added.

Foster and Feminists for Life advocate for each campus to have a central place for pregnant and parent students to go for support.

They push for universities to allow places for breastfeeding, pumping, and breast-milk storage on campus, as well as helping parents have parental leave and health insurance coverage for themselves and their dependents.

“Pregnancy discrimination is against the law,” Foster said.

When I was in high school, I attended a small seminar in the school cafeteria for kids interested in engineering. I was the lone female.

When I arrived on my college campus four years later, the engineering and medical schools were teeming with female students. My closest friends were working in labs and out in the field - collecting data, studying variants and moving science, and our female role in it, forward.

So where have all those gals gone? Studies say women have moved away from tech fields in recent years.

A study last year from the National Science Foundation shows a staggering drop in the number of women who chose to study computer science in the last 30 years. According to the study, in 1984, women accounted for 40 percent of computer science majors. In 2014, that number dropped to 18 percent.

Why?

CNN suggests that the field is considered boring, too male dominated, and a place where women are still regarded as foreign rather than part of the team. Read the full article here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/31/tech/women-computer-science-halt-catch-fire-feat/index.html

Mommas, let your babies grow up to be engineers, computer programmers and software developers. Technology-based careers are some of the fastest growing fields in the nation. Jobs are plentiful, the pay is outstanding and employers have a really hard time filling a lot of these slots. There are simply not enough talented professionals to take on these tasks.

Don't believe me? Check out the stats from the U.S. Bureau of Labor: http://www.bls.gov/ooh/computer-and-information-technology/home.htm

And if you are looking for a second career, this is your chance to enter a field that needs dedicated professionals.

Girls can compete. Girls can excel. Girls can be a force in technology. We just have to remind them that they can and give them the confidence and the tools to excel.

When your daughter signs up for after school activities this year, suggest the science club and then be there to support those awesome kids. Get excited about the science fair. On your next family vacation, make visiting the science center a priority.

You never know when you may light the spark that changes the world.

A friend of mine is mid-deployment.  Her husband has been gone; her out-of-town company has left. 

Due to the school schedule, vacation time is over.

And, well, she’s stuck.  It’s the deployment doldrums.

And so, yesterday, I left on her doorstep coffee, wine, and cookies.

Last week, after I survived the biggest event I run for a non-profit all year – with only a few minor panic attacks – I flopped down in my bed.

My husband found me an hour later, staring at the ceiling, seemingly checked out.  Or dead.  At the time, he said he wasn’t sure which.

He tentatively – and with some fear – said, “Babe.  Can I get you something?”

I grunted out three words, never taking my eyes off the ceiling.

“Coffee. Wine. Cookies.”

The man had the good sense to bring me (decaf) coffee, cookies, and what I believe was his attempt at wine for a pregnant lady; he poured me a glass of grape juice with a squeeze of lime.

The wife of one of my husband’s shipmates was distraught when I ran into her at the grocery store.  Her first sweet baby had crawled off the bed while she bent down to pick up her shoes.

I quickly reminded her all babies did that at one time or another, and then gestured to the aisle beside us, stocked with glass bottles.

“Get yourself some coffee, wine, and cookies,” I told her, and then bid her farewell.

Without realizing it, in just a week, I had patented the recipe for a military spouse survival.

Coffee. Wine. And cookies.

Call it survival.  Call it necessity.  Call it whatever you want.

Sometimes, everyone needs a crutch.

And when things get hard – and with deployments, military work schedules, and semi-single parenting, they often do – there’s no shame in a little pick-me-up.

Coffee. Wine. And cookies. 

Trust me.

We know many of you are caring for a spouse who was severely injured in Iraq or Afghanistan.

And the struggle has been long, and hard.

For those who suffer from traumatic brain injury, returning to everyday life may have at first, seemed impossible.

As they improve and progress, the Department of Defense has offered a series of classes for caretakers and family members to help these veterans in their recovery.

This week, they are hosting an event that specifically addresses helping your veteran take the next step toward regaining their everyday life.

On Thursday, Aug. 13 from 1 - 2:30 p.m. EST, the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury will talk about helping your veteran go to college.

Karen Hux, Ph.D., a professor in the department of special education and communication disorders at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln, will discuss the challenges these students face and ways to overcome them.

This includes discussing:

• Support strategies and accommodations to make note-taking easier
• Ways to maximize reading comprehension
• How to balance educational, social and daily living activities

To register for the webinar, please visit http://dcoe.cds.pesgce.com

Once you register, you will receive an email confirmation and directions on how to log in to the session.

During my husband’s worst deployment, in the midst of the surge in Iraq in 2007, I dreamed over and over that he had died. I had visions of what I would do if that happened, how I would react and how I would grieve.

Later, when he was deployed as a commander of nearly 1,000 soldiers in 2010, I had visions of a different kind: What would I do if one of our soldiers was killed, and I was called upon to help the spouse?

Thankfully, I never experienced either scenario in real life. And while death is something none of us like to talk about it (or should obsess about the way I did), we can be prepared in case it happens to one of our own.

Recently, a soldier in our current unit died of an illness after being in the hospital for a few days. My experiences helping his spouse and their five-year-old son over the past few weeks have reminded me that grief is one of our most primitive, yet most unpredictable, emotions.

Here are 10 tips for helping a military spouse deal with loss and grief, whether you are long-time friends or unfortunately meeting only because a tragedy has happened:

1. Everyone grieves differently, and that grief evolves over time. This is the most important thing to remember anytime you are around a person experiencing a loss. Some people retreat inside themselves. Others dread being alone. Some won’t leave the house for days. Others will find comfort in going out to do “normal” things.  If a grieving person reacts in a way different than you think you would, don’t judge them or question them. Let them grieve in the way that feels best for them at that moment.

2. This isn’t about you. This piggybacks on the above point – the only person this situation is about is the one who is experiencing the loss. If you find yourself seeking attention for your actions, or complaining, or talking randomly to others about the situation, step back and take a deep breath and refocus. If someone else is already providing assistance - like a close friend, neighbor or more senior spouse, ask them what you can do to help rather than overwhelming the grieving family.

3. Don’t intrude where you are not wanted or needed. Be very aware of when and how you can best support the grieving family. Again, this is not about you – if the spouse doesn’t want you there, leave. You do not have to be physically present to provide assistance.

4. If you are the one “in charge” of spouse support, assess the surviving spouse’s needs and discuss them carefully. A person in tragic circumstances may not know what they need, or how to express that need. At the same time, you don’t want to completely take over the situation. Talk to the spouse gently about her needs. Look around the house. Does she have kids who might need childcare while the CAO is meeting with her? Does she appear to have food on hand? Does she already have a support system in place that she can call upon (or you could call upon for her), like a church group or close circle of friends? Once you assess the needs, make a plan and present it to her. For example, a schedule of babysitters for her child or a plan for neighbors to walk the dog.

5. Call on others to help, and allow others to be involved as appropriate. When tragedy strikes, everyone wants to help. This is partly because we feel bad for the surviving family members, and also because it helps us deal with our own grief and fears. Organize that help accordingly, so that the family is not overwhelmed. If the surviving spouse doesn’t want people dropping by her house, by all means let her put a “do not disturb” sign on the door. Then corral the helpers into doing something useful and appreciated, based on the needs of the spouse. 

6. Let the military handle the “official” side of things. Don’t hypothesize with the spouse about money or benefits, timelines, or anything that the government controls. Whenever a servicemember dies, whether in combat or not, the immediate family is assigned a Casualty Assistance Officer, or CAO. The CAO is usually a member of the deceased person’s unit and is the point person for all official business related to the death. There are also usually several other members of the unit assigned to assist the CAO for as long as needed.  The CAO will help the family make burial or cremation arrangements, bring them necessary paperwork to sign and answer any questions they may have. He or she will also make sure the family is briefed on government benefits and receives any immediate financial assistance.  The CAO and the unit might also help with travel arrangements for other family members, the surviving spouse’s PCS if he or she will be relocating and countless other details.

7. You are not a professional grief counselor. Certainly you can be a sounding board and a shoulder to cry on, but be cognizant of the fact that most of us don’t have a degree in counseling. The CAO should provide information on mental health services but if you think a grieving spouse – or their children – might be in need of professional counseling, gently remind them that such counseling is readily available and, if necessary, give them the contact information. 

8. If you are stepping in because the person who died worked for or with your spouse, talk to your spouse about what he or she might expect of you and what assistance your own spouse envisions you providing

9. Don’t forget to take care of yourself and your own family. Helping someone in crisis is emotionally exhausting, and your own family, especially your children, may also be affected. Don’t get so immersed in helping someone else that you forget to take time out for yourself and your family.

10. Stop and think before you say or do anything. Back off. Don’t suffocate the grieving family. If there is any time to be compassionate, thoughtful and selfless, this is it.

The FBI says men of Middle Eastern descent are approaching military families and intimidating them. These families are believed to have been monitored by the men.

Why is this not at the top of the headlines?

The alert was issued earlier this week. I found it only by Googling the term, military family.

According to CBS News, the men came to the homes of several military families in Colorado and Wyoming. They asked questions about their military members’ jobs. They tried to gain personal information. They were intimidating.

Read the full story here: http://denver.cbslocal.com/2015/08/04/fbi-middle-eastern-men-intimidating-u-s-military-families-in-colorado-wyoming/

This comes on the heels of the DOD warning military families that our enemy was here. In the U.S. And they were targeting family members.

Turns out, they are in our own front yards. And they are not afraid.

The FBI is monitoring the situation. Congressional members are concerned.

I think I’m not alone is saying military families are outraged.

Ladies, be aware. Watch the vehicles that travel your neighborhoods. Lock your doors at night. Set your alarms. Know where your children play during the day.

The fact that our families have been contacted and intimidated in our own front yards by our enemy is disturbing. The fact that it doesn’t make the top of the news that night is horrifying.

It’s time to watch each other’s backs. It’s time to go to your commands and demand to know what they are doing to keep our families safe. It’s time to make your own plan to protect yourself and your children.

This should not be at the bottom of the newsreel. This should be front and center. Our military families sacrifice enough without being intimidated in their own homes. Call your senators, call your commanders. Make them address this. Now.

Still deciding whether or not you should go back to school and earn your degree?

What is stopping you?

Not enough money for tuition? Might PCS soon? Deployment coming?

Bryant & Stratton College not only understands the busy life of the military spouse, but will be there to support you every step of the way.

And, military spouses who attend Bryant & Stratton automatically qualify for a $6,000 scholarship to work towards their online degree.

The school offers associates degree in dozens of portable jobs perfect for on the move military families, including accounting, criminal justice and medical reimbursement and coding, among others. Bryant & Stratton also offers dozens of Bachelor degree programs in the same fields as well as management, financial services and health services. Check out their website for a full list of degree fields.

Classes are online, professors, tutoring and the library are all available via online and phone. If you are on the move with a PCS, your class moves with you.

There is no better time than now. Let Bryant & Stratton College help you achieve your goals.

To learn more, please visit http://online.bryantstratton.edu/salute/

Or call 1-800-895-1738. Start your career today!

Returning to school this fall?

Chances are you are shopping for books, paper, pens and scholarships.

With enough digging around base, your hometown and the internet, you will find that there are thousands upon thousands of dollars in scholarship money. And many of them are only given to very specific types of recipients.

Luckily, there are a lot of benefactors out there who think women and moms deserve an extra hand when it comes to finishing their college degrees.

Google the term, scholarships for women, and you will find thousands of hits.

One of our recent favorites comes from a list published by www.nerdwallet.com

The money expert site can guide you through choosing the best credit card, the best mortgage and applying for the some of the biggest scholarships available, nationwide.

The site’s round-up of scholarship dollars that are specifically awarded to women seems tailor made for military spouses.

The Emerge Scholarship, for example, is designed to specifically help women who education has been interrupted and who understand the power of giving back to their community. Sounds like a lot of military spouses we know! Learn more at: http://www.emergescholarships.org/index.php/apply

The Philanthropic Educational Organization Program of Continuing Education awards money to women who are earning a degree to support their family. For the spouses of many injured service members this type of scholarship may be the help they need to make their dreams a reality. Learn more at: http://www.peointernational.org/sites/www.peointernational.org/files/content/psa-info-card_updates_2013-02-11_low-res.pdf

To read nerdwallet.com’s full list, check out the entire article here: http://www.nerdwallet.com/blog/nerdscholar/2012/10-fantastic-scholarships-women-returning-education/

Get those applications filled out and sent in!

We are talking about what lies ahead lately.

We have a year, maybe less than, and with such frequent deployments, my husband knows he’s in the hunt for our next set of orders. And soon.

After the holidays, we will have to decide – along with the rather severe and not always so accommodating needs of the Navy – where we are going.

East Coast or West Coast; North or South; a maintenance or teaching job.

We could move to somewhere we used to live; we could move to a whole new location.

It’s all very exciting. And, exhausting.

Granted, considering it’s July and I’m pregnant with my third child on the cusp of my third trimester, I keep jokingly telling my husband we need to move to Bangor, Wa., as quickly as the Navy will let us go.

The fact that we have friends there who wear sweaters during the summer months makes it attractive enough to me, right now.

Attractive enough that I would even consider driving cross country with a dog and three kids.

Though honestly, and more realistically, we’ve been chatting about the first Navy city we lived in, Charleston, a lot more than we thought we would at this point.

My oldest was born there.  We love that city.  And I always swore that if we ever went back, I would have one more, last baby, at the birth center with the midwife who delivered my oldest child.

It would be a nice little book-end to my childbearing years, I joked.

But that means we would have another baby after this one.

Another pregnancy.  Another summer sweating in the South, swelling like a watermelon, and wishing we spent all my time incubating babies while stationed in the Artic Circle.

And still, the thought seemed appealing.
 

Even though we said we were done after this baby.

My husband laughed when I told him, “Well, maybe we don’t do anything permanent, if we could be moving back to Charleston.”

He always said four kids was a good number; I’m worried that his amusement was perhaps a little bit more of a twinkle in his eye, rather than just a laugh at the thought of another baby.
 

Not that we should pick our next duty station based on the possible existence or not of a fourth child.

But I still wouldn’t put it past my dear husband.

Plus, it seems like as good a reason as any.

Moving to any duty station we or the Navy pick is going to be perilous with our brood in tow, even if it remains just three children and the older-by-the-second dog.

In fact, Charleston would be the shortest move we could make out of all the options open to us; though, I didn’t point out to my husband, whose idea of a road trip is pretty much the same thing as a detour through the ninth circle of Dante’s Inferno.

And while another baby may not sway him entirely into picking a duty station, a short move time might.