Last year my son's pee wee football coach suddenly died.

He was young. Funny. Friendly. I loved that he was my son's coach because he seemed to understand my son's often difficult behavioral issues. He was good with the boys. He and his family were adored in our community.

The heartbreak felt across our military community for his young widow, left with four little children, was palatable. The task in front of her was huge. And it started with having to suddenly PCS across the Pacific, handle the funeral, the flux of family and suddenly the inevitable moment alone that was to come when she realized now, it was just her.

It was weeks before most of us realized this was not a sudden training accident or illness. He had committed suicide.

Shock. More tears. Questions.

This month is National Suicide Prevention Month. In 2013, suicide was the tenth leading cause of death for Americans. One person died by their own hand every 12.8 minutes. That same year, the Department of Defense announced that about 22 veterans were committing suicide every, single day. 

Earlier this month, this young service member's wife posted a pointed message. The only one she has ever posted regarding his passing. She wrote,

September is suicide awareness month. It's a month that should be acknowledged. It's a month that should be talked about. I never imagined I'd ever be affected by something like that. There is help. And there is hope. And there are a ton of different resources to use if you ever feel so low that you can't pull yourself out. Use them.

And she is right.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention lists these suicide warning signs:

If a person talks about:

• Killing themselves.
• Having no reason to live.
• Being a burden to others.
• Feeling trapped.
• Unbearable pain.

 A person’s suicide risk is greater if a behavior is new or has increased, especially if it’s related to a painful event, loss, or change.

• Increased use of alcohol or drugs.
• Looking for a way to kill themselves, such as searching online for materials or means.
• Acting recklessly.
• Withdrawing from activities.
• Isolating from family and friends.
• Sleeping too much or too little.
• Visiting or calling people to say goodbye.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Aggression.

 People who are considering suicide often display one or more of the following moods.

• Depression.
• Loss of interest.
• Rage.
• Irritability.
• Humiliation.
• Anxiety.

There is help, 24 hours a day.

Contact:

• —  Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
• —  Psychiatric hospital walk-in clinic
• —  Hospital emergency room
• —  Urgent care center/clinic
• —  Call 911

The Veteran's Crisis Line is available every day, all day and night:

1-800-273-8255 and press 1

If someone you know is suffering reach out, make the call for them if you have to. Every minute counts. You can help change their future.

There are some circles in which I am not a military wife.

My children and I participate in an alternative learning cooperative once a week. It’s located 40 minutes from my house and the base my husband’s command deploys from.

I joined this summer, and I teach a journalism class to high school homeschooling students.

My girls take a preschool science lab, art and sensory classes, plus other fun, play-based educational classes.

We love it there.

I am a teacher and an assistant in my daughters’ classes.  I am surrounded by families like mine and different than mine, and though there are a few that are military, none of them are married to a submariner.

Until recently.

A new family joined the co-op; the matriarch’s oldest daughter is in my class, and she asked about my pregnancy.

I smiled, and she asked if my husband and I were getting excited.

I told her we were, though not as much as before, because my husband was going to be gone for the birth.

She cocked her head, questioning, and for the first time in the two months we have been at this co-op, I told her he was in the Navy.  And we were stationed on a submarine.

Her face immediately lit up.  I knew she was new to the area, and I suddenly realized why.

She excitedly told me her husband was also a submariner, and that they, too, were making the 40-minute drive weekly for this educational opportunity.

And just like that, it snapped.

She asked the questions you ask when you’re new to a Navy base.  And I answered. I gave her what scoop I had, and I told her where to go first and who to go see.

And then she asked if we could get together closer to our homes a different day.

I told her we sure could.  Because she seemed nice, and community is the bedrock of the Navy wife’s creed.

And yet, I was a little sad.

My cover, in a way, had been blown.

I am a proud military spouse.  I always will be.  I have skills honed from my husband’s service, and I am thankful and proud of them.

But sometimes, I just don’t want that to be my sole identity.  Or even my main one.

I didn’t realize it until I put down the teacher, mom, co-op façade and turned on the Navy wife channel, even if just for five minutes.

It seems silly.  I can’t just get rid of that part of my personality, after all.

But sometimes, it’s just nice to be someone else.  Even for one day a week.
 

When my husband retired from the Army, we both hit the job hunt trail.

We each fired resumes to dozens of employers and within weeks had several interviews scheduled.

After my interview at the job that was number one on my wish list, I waited about 48 hours before I received the, “you got it” phone call.

My husband’s first choice job? He waited a week. Then, 10 days. So he emailed the recruiter to see if there was anything else he could provide to help the process.

No, the recruiter assured him. You would be hearing from them within the week.

Ok, so it was two more weeks. But he got the job.

And word came right before he was about to pull out his very last hair.

Why the wait?

Employers are not attempting to test your patience. I promise.

They may still be conducting interviews. They may have actually offered the job to someone else and are waiting to see if they decline or accept the position before calling you as their second choice.

An employer may still be working the kinks out of the actual position. If they decide to change the job responsibilities during the search process, you may be out of the running if your resume does not support those new needs. For my husband, he was deemed overqualified for the job he applied for. Luckily, the company liked him enough to find a position in the company that did fit his resume and hire him accordingly, hence the long wait.

It is completely appropriate to contact an employer after a week, thank them again for the interview, reiterate your interest in the position and ask what their timeline is for filling the position. It is also wise to hope you get the job, but continue your job search as if you did not. Sitting and waiting to hear back is time wasted that you could spend interviewing with another great company who might make you a better offer.

Dream of having your own blog? We can make that dream come true.

If you are a savvy military spouse who can put pen to paper we would love to interview you for our next blog spot. We want to hear from fantastic military spouses who are juggling a job and military life, from moms who wear combat boots and dads who hold down the homefront while mom heads to the front lines. Do you volunteer a lot? We want to hear from you too!

If you are interested in learning more, please email editor in chief, Allison Perkins at aperkins@bryantstratton.edu

Alpha, Bravo, Charlie and Delta.

Most military members and their families can say the military phonetic alphabet just as easily as they can sing the alphabet.

But Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta aren’t just part of the service member’s vocabulary.

They are also names given to service member’s children.

Charlie, meaning “free man,” has been among one of the top 1,000 names for baby girls since 2005, and much longer for baby boys, according to the Social Security Administration

Charlie, though, isn’t exclusively a military name.

But Ace is.  And it’s been in the top 1,000 names since 2010, according to the SSA.

So has Garrison, which has been in the top 1,000 since 2012.

Still, the names can get even more thematic, if you dig.

Bullet. Jet. Liberty. Jeep.

Major and Maverick, both listed as popular since 2010 by the SSA, and Roger, literally meaning “famous warrior,” which has been popular since well before 2000.

“The factors that parents typically consider when naming a child include family names, popularity of a name … religious names, ethnicity, and possible nicknames or rhymed names that could cause a child to be teased,” said Mallory Moss, co-founder of BabyNames.com.

Considering all those factors, it’s not shocking that some military families choose to use terms familiar and dear to soldiers, sailors, Marines, and airmen.

She said the popularity of a name – especially a military one – can work for or against a parent deciding to add some military terminology into a baby’s name.

“This could go either way,” she said. “Some parents want something popular, and some parents do not.”

Other traditional military names can carry a double meaning and become popular, though not for their original military association, she said.

“I think Benedict is an interesting name to discuss, as it is, military-wise, associated with a traitor, yet [the name is] becoming popular alongside the popularity of the actor Benedict Cumberbatch,” Moss said.

Military heroes, in particular, can provide great options for names and often do, she added.

“Names I would suggest from this list would include Nathanial, Patton, Creighton,” which is interesting and has the potential to become more popular,” she said, along with “Alexander and Colin.”

She dislikes the names Chester, Sherman, and Ulysses.  She also doesn’t like Jackson – and alternate spellings like Jaxon, Jacson, and Jacsyn - because it’s by far the most popular military-hero name and, therefore, over-used, she said.

According to the SSA, she’s correct.  Jackson has been a popular name since before 2000, peaking in popularity in 2013, when more than 0.5 percent of total boys born in the United States were given the name Jackson.

Also, “the boy names that are more military tend to be traditional, and traditional and Biblical boy names do tend to be the most popular,” Moss added, so it’s not shocking that so many families choose military-inspired first and middle names.

While the trends for female military names are much harder to track, we do know that using traditionally male names for females, like the aforementioned Charlie, is in itself its own increasing trend, she added.

So, when you’re naming a child, remember that you can’t control what happens to the popularity of a name, Moss said.

“Understand that if you pick a name that becomes unpopular, the child will be stuck with it for life,” she said. “Chester, I imagine, is one such choice.”

She recommends that, when picking a name, you make sure it sounds good with your last name.  She also said most parents should avoid a name that “means an adjective or a noun, like Kelly Green or Crystal Chanda Leer.”

And pay special attention to the fact that some names may be “easily teasable” and avoid those, Moss said.

You don’t want something too old-fashioned sounding.  And if you can pick something that lends itself to a nickname you like, that’s a positive too, she said..

“It’s hard to stop people from using nicknames without sounding like a jerk,” she said.

One of my dearest friends messaged me in a panic last week. Her daughter is heading to kindergarten.

Should she stay at the private school she loved, but would have to leave at the end of the year for first grade? Should she head into the unknown, public school, first grade? Would she be behind the curve when it came to making friends if she stayed in the private school? What if the kids at the new school didn’t like her?

What if she didn’t like them?

What if?

Kindergarten can be hard. For grownups.

We’ve now processed three of our five children through the first day of kindergarten. For us, each new beginning has been easier. There are less tears and more high-fiving in the parking lot when my husband and I realize we arrived at this milestone with less bumps and bruises each time.

But for my dear friend, delivering her firstborn to the threshold of the future, 18 years that are going to whiz by in a blink, the unknown was overwhelming.

And to her I say. That is ok.

Let yourself cry when she walks through that door. Be worried for her. Be attentive. Listen when she speaks and hear what she is saying when she comes home at night.

Guide her, advise her. Go through her bookbag.

Ask who she sits with at lunch and hang on every word as she discusses the difference in the My Little Pony characters that one friend likes but that another friend doesn’t.

Correct her when necessary. Praise her when deserved. 

But, also, let her go.

She will trip. Let her pick herself up.

She will fail. Let her. And then, help her learn why she failed and how to do better in the future.

A friend will betray her. Let it happen. And then help her understand how words hurt and why kindness to others is so important.

She will want to take risks. Let her. She will learn.

She will want to make friends with someone not like her. Invite this person to dinner. Teach her to respect the beautiful, colorful, cultural differences of our world.

Stand by her side, not in front of her.

For grownups who know the dangers of the world, that first step is terrifying.

For a kindergartener, that first steps means opportunity and magic.

Let her seize her moment and soar.

As it turns out, my friend’s daughter surprised us all and decided she wanted to leave behind the comfort of her private preschool/ kindergarten that she loved and move to the public school.

She was ready for the big school. She was ready for the challenge. She was excited.

World, watch out. The kindergarteners have begun their path to greatness.

And mom, stand back and enjoy. The best is yet to come.

The first time I went to college, my husband was deployed. It was only my three- year-old son and me, and we had our routine down to a fine science. It was difficult at first, but we learned pretty quickly that we had no choice to accept that we needed to make it work.

That year, I maintained a near 4.0 GPA, became a Phi Theta Kappa honor student, and kept a pristine house. Seriously, it was immaculate all the time.

Although there is very little about that year I’d like to revisit, I often find myself looking back with longing at the days I really had it all together. Not only do I look back fondly, I also measure my current return to school against that period of time.

And, to be brutally honest, I feel like I’m already failing miserably.

I still keep a clean house (not as clean as it was before, but the chores multiply exponentially when you add another adult, a toddler, and a dog who thinks she’s people.

Mostly, I clean because the combination of OCD and ADHD does not lend itself well to a serene study environment. And although it’s only my first semester back, I can already feel the weight of the responsibilities pushing on my shoulders.

And, if I can whine for a minute, my spine already totally hurts from sitting hunched over a

laptop with a toddler sitting on me.

How do you deal with these kinds of feelings, dear readers? Do you have any tips or tricks? Tell me a story about your fixes for anything and everything related to the stresses of being a parent, a spouse, and a student.

I’m all ears.

At least, I will be when I finally have some down time.  Hopefully the nursing home will have decent WiFi.

Military spouses are home alone, a lot.

Wouldn't it be nice to have someone walk you home at night while your spouse is away?

A new app created by five students from the University of Michigan does just that.

The Companion app, lets users to request a friend or family member to keep them company virtually and track their journey home via GPS on an online map. The friend or family member can participate even without installing the Companion app, which is available for both Android and iOS.

When you receive a request from someone using the Companion app, you will be linked to a an interactive map that allows you to see them moving along their path in real time. If the person lingers too long, runs or veers off the path, you will see it.

But, the friend or family member isn't the only one watching. The app can also sense a change in direction, speed, whether the user has been pushed or their phone been taking. The app will ask if the user is ok. If they are, they confirm by pushing a button within 15 seconds.

If there is no confirmation, the app emits loud noises to potentially scare away animals or criminals and gives the user the choice to call the police.

While the app will never stop bad things from happening, it may get you the help you need quicker. And, it's always good to know someone is watching your back.

Read more about the Companion app here: http://www.businessinsider.com/campanion-app-surging-in-popularity-2015-9#ixzz3lFCdtn5H

The summer PCS season has just ended and there’s a good chance many of you moved overseas, or at least some place “foreign” to you.

A move to another country can be overwhelming. The search for a house (or the long wait for one on base) can be daunting, it can takes months for cars and household goods to arrive and trying to keep in touch with family and friends in different time zones can be frustrating.

Even a simple thing like a trip to the grocery store or the gas station can be overwhelming.

It’s easy to start to feel sorry for yourself. It’s natural that a sense of loneliness and isolation will start to creep in, but don’t let it ruin the unique opportunity you’ve been given to experience another culture.

Here are five tips for adjusting to life overseas:

• Get rid of pre-conceived notions. We’ve all heard the stereotypes and rumors. Europeans are rude, Asians are ultra-formal, certain places have bad drivers or weird food or an abundance of body odor or … you get the idea. But the reality is that people are people, no matter where you are in the world. Their attitudes, customs and way of life are no better or worse than ours, just different. Believing the negative things you might hear about a place before going there will only serve to make you feel just that – negative.

• Try to speak the language. You don’t have to be fluent, or anywhere near. But at least make an effort.  Learn key words and phrases that are common courtesy in any language. Learn to ask someone, politely, if they speak English. In Japan and Korea I barely learned to count to 10, but I did know how to say thank you and good morning. In my sixth year of living in Germany, I can sometimes manage to eke out a full sentence or two. But I am always greeted with a smile whenever I try, and, more often than not, a response in perfect English.

• Get off base. We live on the same base where my husband works and my kids go to school. The commissary, clinic, movie theater, chapel, gym, library and shoppette are all within walking distance. Some people see little reason to leave the gate. And you know what? Those people don’t like it here very much. Yes, it is intimidating. Yes, it can be scary. But what’s the point of living in another country if you don’t experience any of it? Start slowly by taking a walk or a bike ride off post. Check out a local café or restaurant with your family or some other Americans. Go to a special event like a festival or art show. Soon you’ll learn your favorite places to shop and eat, and you’ll be planning a weekend getaway to yet another new country. Step out of your comfort zone. You’ll find a whole other world out there, and you’ll be very proud of yourself for doing so.

- Don’t complain, whine or belittle your “hosts” in front of your children. Yes, it’s always good to be honest with kids and let them know you might share their nervousness at being in a foreign country. But, regardless of their age, kids take their cues from us. If we let our kids think we hate where we live, or even worse its people or their customs, we are tainting their perceptions and cheating them out of what could be one of the best experiences of their young lives. Expose them to that culture and teach them to respect it, enjoy it and embrace it.

• Find the humor whenever you can. I once ordered what I thought was meatloaf in a German restaurant, only to discover that it was in fact a giant, cold cube of congealed animal parts. When I was about six months pregnant in Korea, I could no longer fit into our jerry-rigged laundry room to wash clothes. My husband and I have both failed the driver license tests in different countries, and more than once been challenged by the many unique types of toilets you find around the world. We’ve misread every manner of signs and maps and instructions and mispronounced words in more languages than we can count. That’s OK. We forgive ourselves. We laugh at ourselves. A lot.

Twice now, I have seen the future of job seeking, and I don’t like it.

The first time, we were in a big box store. A 20-something gal was toting a screaming child in a stroller. She was stretched out across the customer service counter top, attempting to fill out the store’s application while the baby attempted to drive her nuts. He was winning.

The applicant hushed the child, grumbled at the child and emphasized to the screaming toddler that, “Can’t you see Mommy is getting a job?” I’m guessing he only understood that he was tired, and that was the end of his interests.

Again and again the applicant tried to speak with the manager. She smiled, batted her eyes and virtually begged for the job, and occasionally turned away to swat at the little boy.

Days later, at a restaurant, a teenage boy was filling out an application at a pizza joint we frequent. He sat back in the booth and gulped down pizza while he answered the questions. He seemed less interested in filling it out completely and more interested in the free pizza the manager offered him and the game playing on the television.

When the manager sat down to speak to him, the teen continued to eat and answer questions with a mouth full of food. We could hear his answers to typical questions: when can you work, why do you want to work here? His answers were goopy, pizza-filled responses that had little substance and a lot of chewing. Since he was wearing a baggy t-shirt and jeans, he looked more like he was there for the free pizza than the job opportunity.

This is not how you apply for a job.

How you represent yourself, from the moment you pick up the application, is how the employer, especially a minimum wage employer, may see you. Every time you return to that restaurant or store is a chance to make an impression.

And just because it is a minimum wage, starter job, does not mean you should show up appearing less than prepared and ready. You want to convince the management that you should be hired not because you can fill an empty, 8-hour shift, but because you have potential to grow in the company.

When applying for an hourly job, remember:

1. Pick up the application and take it home to fill out. You do not have to be in a suit and tie to do this, but don’t show up in your cutoffs and tank top either.
2. Try not to bring distractions to any part of the application process. This includes, children, pets and even your cell phone.
3. Dress to impress. Applying for an $8 an hour job slinging greasy fries? Wear a suit, or the nicest outfit you own. They know you can handle this job. They are looking for applicants who can be groomed to move into management positions.
4. If the management offers you free food, don’t take it. Politely decline. If you they insist on bringing you a plate, at a minimum, stop eating during the interview process. Nothing says amateur like answering why you are a perfect fit for their company while splattering tiny bits of cheese all over the boss.
5. If you eat or shop at this place regularly, behave. Before and after your interview management may notice you, and how you scream at your kids through every, single, aisle.

It may be a just a minimum wage job, but employers are still looking for the best employees they can find. These hourly workers often become shift managers and store managers. Be sure you not only show them how valuable you can be today but also what your potential is in the future.