By Amanda Rebmann

I’ve written several articles about the VA Mortgage, an area I have a good knowledge base in from having worked in the mortgage industry for almost 15 years.  I’ve originated mortgages and serviced them, which gives me a comprehensive appreciation for what will be for most people, their biggest monetary investment.  However, I’ve never been on the other side- the one getting the loan- until now.

For my husband and me, it just never made sense to actually purchase a home.  Before he went active duty, we were pretty young and our income wasn’t stable.  Since then, we moved around so much, we decided it was best to keep renting.  And, after the housing bubble collapsed, I was always worried we would take a loss on any purchase.

But now, with a daughter and a more permanent home base, it was finally time to take that step.  I wondered how it would feel on the other side of the equation.  I figured with my experience, I’d be all set.

A little lesson brought me back down to earth.

We’re looking for a single family house in a very competitive market- seriously, ridiculous purchase prices for tiny homes built in the 50’s.  We decided early on to limit the mortgage payment to no higher than his basic allowance for housing (BAH) so that we would never have to rely on my income to make the mortgage payment.  This is a good idea for us for family planning purposes.  It also gave us a very definitive ceiling amount.

For simplicity sake- let’s say we determined we wanted to pay no higher than $2000 a month for the loan payment.  This amount will also include taxes and insurance as VA loans will require an escrow account for these items.  I jumped online, pulled up a random VA loan calculator, and determined how large the loan amount would be to stay at or below that amount.  With that figure in mind, we met with our realtor and started hunting.

It wasn’t until the end that the realtor mentioned shopping the loan around a bit, to ensure we would receive the best rate possible.  When I plugged current rates into the loan calculator- I was amazed at the difference.  I had forgotten just how much of a lower rate could allow you to mortgage. 

It’s important to also remember there are ways to get that rate lower, to further lower your monthly payment.  Points may be paid at closing to receive a lower rate.  The good news is that your deal may be structured to have the seller pay for some or all of those points.  VA loans allow up the seller to pay for up to 4% of the purchase price of the loan in seller-paid closing costs.  For example, on a $200,000 loan, the seller can credit you up to $8000 to be used for many of the costs associated with closing a real estate deal.  In other words, the seller paid closing costs can help you lower your rate.

Shop around when looking for a mortgage.  In a transaction this large, a little competition can save you thousands of dollars, and may get you closer to moving into a house you love.

Lauren Gaughan, 32, spent a frigid winter very pregnant in Maine, while her husband worked in the Navy shipyard there.

She worked in a pharmacy, with lots of steady and overtime hours to keep herself busy at the end of her pregnancy.

The native Arizonian, who had previously lived in sunny San Diego before Maine, was not so accustomed to the snow, sleet and blustery temperatures.

Getting to the pharmacy before it opened to a line of waiting clients had a learning curve, for sure, Gaughan said.

“I just threw on a lot of layers and headed out super early,” she said.

It was the only way to guarantee she could get to work on time, she added.

And that’s exactly what you have to do, said Ann Marie Sabath, president of At Ease, Inc., a firm specializing in domestic and international business etiquette programs.

“The bottom line is, losers make excuses; winners find solutions, even in inclement weather,” Sabath said.

Sabath recommends that before the winter hits, you have a “plan of attack” in place, in case a storm is brewing.

If you have children, make sure you have at least two on-call babysitters lined up in case schools and daycares are closed.

“If you’re sick, you take a sick day.  Otherwise, plan ahead because it’s unfair to your employer for you to make excuses,” she said.

Make sure you know what the weather forecast says, she added.  You will likely need to leave for work early, very early.  She recommends a several-hour cushion, accounting for the fact that snow and sleet can affect private and public transit.

In your planner, Sabath recommends you “write down the time you have to leave, not the time you have to be there.”

Pack your lunches and your children’s lunches the night before.  Lay out everyone’s clothes.  Teach your children to get up and make their own beds promptly and get dressed.

“Be an effective delegator” in your home, she added.

Unless your manager previously announced the offices will be closed, expect to go to work, even if you’re leaving three hours early, she said.

“There are people behind you in line for your job, she said.

Know what your employer expects, said Matthew Randall, the executive director of the Center for Professional Excellence at York College of Pennsylvania.

Have the conversation before a storm hits.  What does he or she expect when schools cancel?  When certain roads are closed?  Know, don’t guess, Randall said.

Sabath said at a certain company she worked with, she watched two young professionals compete for a promotion.  One was incompetent and inefficient but showed up on time every day. The other was always a little late, but superb at their job.  The former, less competent employee got the promotion.

“If you can’t manage your time, you can’t manage your money,” Sabath said.

You should “always be kept waiting; never keep others waiting,” she said.

If you manager gets to work at 8 a.m., then you do, too, if not before.

“You’re not working for your health,” Sabath said. “You want to compete with others at your level.”

Some companies do have a “work from home” policy during certain kinds of inclement weather, Randall said.

If that’s the case, you want to make sure you send off an e-mail in the morning to your boss, telling them you’re checking in and bullet-pointing what you’ll be working on during the day.  Check in frequently, and make sure they know the best way to reach you.  Keep them updated on how your goals for the day are going.

And be aware that this “isn’t always a possibility with every job,” Randall said.

Sabath agrees.  Blizzard or not, you have to continue to do your job and keep in touch with those above you.

“It’s all perception,” she said. “Your job is valuable. You should treat it with the same 24-carat gold care that you do your family.”

 

I need to take a moment to brag about my longtime friend, and fellow military spouse, Bonnie.

When her husband left the Marines more than five years ago, he was welcomed into the civilian world with repeated "no's" at interviews and job prospects that could never pay the bills for their young family of six.

They struggled. They missed payments. They chose between things like food, clothes and electricity each month. The amount they owned quickly grew into a mountain and the amount they had, no matter how hard Bonnie and her husband worked, seemed to never be able to overcome.

Eventually, he was forced to leave his family and work overseas for two years for little more than he would have made at the fast food restaurant up the street that refused to hire him. Bonnie found work too. In an office, making minimal money, doing minimal stuff.

But instead of doing only what she had to, and getting out the door to go home and handle the couple's four children and manage the household with her husband overseas, Bonnie stayed longer hours. Worked harder.

She began looking at her job with the question, "What can I do to make this company better?"

When the branch in Texas began having problems Bonnie was asked to fly out there and see what the problem was.

She spent one week in that office. It was a business trip, away from the pressures of daily life at home, with her meals paid for  and a hotel all to herself.

But she spent little time in the hotel and ate most of her meals at her desk, if she ate at all. She was too busy re-organizing the highly dysfunctional branch. She was interviewing employees and putting together a comprehensive report of what needed to change to bring the operation there up to speed. She did everything from forge new relationships with customers to clean the bathrooms which had never once been cleaned.

In that one week that Bonnie took control, that branch, which had consistently lost money over a two-year period, made $200,000.

When she returned home, she put together a power point presentation for her boss and his associates. She called a meeting. He expected a quick run-down with little detail. She gave him a comprehensive report that gave him, in detail, the needs, cost and outcome that was possible with that office.

And when she was done speaking, the CEO said, "So basically, what we need there, is you."

When Bonnie told me this story, I had goose bumps. My friend, who took this job she really didn't like out of desperation to feed her family, was able to look around, figure out what need she could fill for this company and work her tail off to fill it.

And when she did it, the company took notice.

They promoted her.

They moved her and her family across country. Unlike military moves, they paid for every meal, no questions asked. They paid for her gas, they paid a company to move her 6-person household with no weight limits. They gave them 30 days in a hotel and they can stay even after their new house is set up, you know, just so they have time to really unpack.

They gave her a raise.

They gave her a giant budget, and said, do your magic, make this office profitable.

This my friends is what the actual American dream looks like.

It was a tough road. It was a road filled with heartache and hungry stomachs and long hours. It was a road that left this couple separated for years as they desperately attempted to make enough money to pay down their bills and live together again.

Bonnie just didn't work at a job, she worked to better herself and do a better job. She worked not just to be noticed but because the job needed done, desperately.

And when it was all over, the company did take notice and gave my dear friend the promotion, the raise and the workload that she deserved.  And from here, she can only keep moving upward.

This can be you. This can be all of us.

But first, you have to understand that your job, is more than just the place you go from 9 to 5. Put passion into your work, find a way to be the best at what you do, to fill a need for your company. Be the solution and management will take notice.

My heart is bursting with pride for my sweet friend Bonnie and her family. After years of struggle and long hours they are breaking through the muck, thriving, growing and finally receiving the kudos they deserve.

Bonnie told me as they stopped for a break at our house during the cross-country journey to her new office that it was weird for everything to be on her. As a military spouse, and the daughter of a retired Marine, she was used to every move, every job, every family decision coming from the military, and ultimately, the man of the house.

Now, it was all on Bonnie. It was all civilian-based and she was in control. On Monday, she would be heading in to work while her husband unpacked the dishes. The flip in roles was different and a little unnerving, she said.

But Bonnie, you got this. And for military spouses everywhere, so do you. Keep moving forward. It can only get better.

The last few months I have struggled with my topics to blog about. Our life felt a little boring. A little, dare I say, normal!

We were busy, but we had a routine. We knew what to expect with my husband’s job and the boys and I had our routine and looked forward to our weekends with Dad around. I felt a little guilty writing about military life because I had the guilt that my husband was training Marines to deploy but wasn’t the one doing that.  With our latest news, our life is about to get flipped upside down.

Believe it or not but we have new orders! Luckily, we are staying at the same duty station. My husband is just changing units as his current billet is a 2-year commitment and is coming to an end.

I was not ready to move again so getting the news that we get to stay put for two more years was exciting. Now, I can finish decorating my house since we moved in almost two years ago. Considering we have moved twice in three years, a part of me was not convinced we would stay longer than two years so I stopped decorating.

So back to projects I go! Now that we have the official paperwork, we can start planning. My husband and I looked at the calendar and his new schedule. I thought two more years in the same house and same duty station meant no changing or disruption in our lives but I am learning that even though my feet stay planted, nothing else might.

The more we look forward, the more changes coming our way. For my husband, that means three months away at school and then a long workup in and out to sea then and a possible deployment. Yuck. That is a big change for us. The last 4 years have been a resident school and then random one month trainings and late nights.

Although my boys will get to stay in their routine, I did not account for the fact that their dad would miss much of it. And, most of our friends are on 3-year orders and will be leaving this summer or next, leaving us behind. I know that’s what we do as military families, we move and start over, but I have always been the friend to leave first. I am not sure how I feel being left behind.

As soon as I wrap my brain about these new orders, my husband comes home and says there may be a new billet/orders available so we can move this summer if we want to.

And just like that, the Marine Corps throws us for a loop. Although I am beginning to think it’s not so much the Marine Corps and more like my husband!!

Stay tuned. A lot happening for our family. You never know where the Marine Corps may take us!

http://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/40-bags-in-40-days-2015/

The season of Lent begins today, a time when Christians focus on simple living in the 40 days before Easter. Often, many people give up a perk or something they enjoy during this time to help focus on their religious studies.

Whether you practice Lent or not, the website 40 Bags in 40 Days is an awesome idea. It is tied to the idea of Lent and literally cleaning out your house and giving away everything you no longer need.

For military spouses who move every two to three years, the idea of an organized decrapifying session is heaven-sent.

The site provides a blank 40-day list and suggests you make one before you begin with the spaces you want to clean out, and keep one as you go to list what you have actually cleaned out.

Closets, un-opened boxes from two moves ago and toy boxes are obvious choices. But the site reminds you to clean out less obvious spaces as well, such as email inboxes and digital photo files. Isn’t it time your 12-year-olds baby pictures found their way off a disc and into a photo album?

Each day’s challenge does not have to be a complete overhaul of a room. We have a stack of papers that have been sitting on top of our piano since we moved, a year ago. This bothersome, 1-foot by 1-foot space is a perfect contender. We can clean it out, even on a busy day, if we put it at the top of our agenda.

The garage, it needs to be cleaned too. And we will put it on the list, but on a Saturday, when little else is happening.

Our favorite part about this project is that the website not only cheers you on, but also tells you where to put all that stuff. There is no need to send all our stuff to the dump. Almost everything we will declutter this season is re-useable. The site points you towards shelters, collection points and non-profits that can use what you no longer need.

Remember to burn or shred any official documents. Military families seem to have a social security number written on every paper they touch. Don’t let that fall into a donation box.

We know. Spring is busy. New sports seasons are starting, the yard will need mowed again soon, after you finish shoveling that last bit of snow. There are holidays and parties and events to plan and attend.

But try the 40-bag challenge. Even if you only clear out five spaces, those are five less areas you have to clean out in the rush during your next PCS.

And that is always a good thing.

I’ve made a new friend.

She’s married to a fellow sailor serving with my husband.  They just had their wedding. They’re trying to have kids.

Our husbands were positively giddy to get us together.

So, I made my best chicken parmesan, and they came over, and everything was nice.  She was sweet and kind and she definitely expressed interest in keeping me company during the upcoming deployment.

I, of course, know what it’s like to be new and lonely to this life.  And I would never want someone to be in that position, and I could always enjoy the company of an actual adult, as well.

Except there’s one little problem.

I am a mom with two little girls.

I do this writing gig in my spare evening hours while they sleep.  I have some volunteer work I do. I enjoy reading and shopping and cooking.

But most of my socializing is done with other mothers.

We stand as a tribe at playgrounds, Costco, story time – tired, covered in yoga pants and spit-up food.  We crave coffee and the chance to watch a television show that is not Peppa Pig.  We hope and pray for silence; for floors not covered in Playdough, sandbox dirt and little mismatched socks.

She, meanwhile, has a clean house.  She’s well-rested.  Silence is, often, deafening.  Her kitchen cupboards are filled with foods she likes.  If she wants to go out, she can.  If she wants to stay in, she can.

She has nice clothes and never talks about poop.

And I have absolutely no idea how to hang out with anyone that cool.

Sure, I used to.

I, too, once had nice clothes and clean floors and Saturday mornings to sleep in.

I used to go out.  Get my nails done.  Drink wine and have fun without worrying about paying a babysitter.

I was cool.

But I’ve forgotten how to do that.

I have no idea where to invite her. 

“Would you like to go shopping with my children and me?” is an invitation that lacks a little luster.

“Come on over tonight!  We’ll heat up some leftovers for the kids and sneak bites of cake when they aren’t looking!” sounds downright depressing.

My fellow mothers get it.

But will she?

And just like a teenager nervous on the first day of school, I fear rejection.

If we don’t have little minions clinging to our legs and shrieking like banshees, I’ve forgotten how to bond with other women.

And now I feel beholden to this sweet, deserving girl, who needs a friend. 

And all I can think to invite her to, is Trader Joes.

Currently, if a service member is a convicted sex offender, no one outside the courtroom has to know about it.

They don’t register with local authorities, as civilian offenders are required to do or face penalty. They do not show up on those handy internet searches that tell parents where the closest offenders live. And when they leave the service, it is easy for them to simply disappear into civilian life – and attack again.

Members of the House of Representatives introduced a bill this week that requires the DOD to create and publish a database of all convicted military sex offenders.

This is not just a good idea, it is a great idea.

According to Stars and Stripes, the bill was prompted by an investigation by the Scripps news service that found that 242 military sex offenders, of 1,300 cases, were never recorded on any public registry. No one in the public knows who they are. No one knows where they live.

Officials told the paper there is a high rate of repeat offenders among those convicted of a sexual crime. Registries kept by local and federal authorities are open to the public to give people the opportunity to know where danger may be lurking and steer clear of that individual. But military offenders simply disappear.

And in some cases, they remain in the military, even after conviction. If you search online for sex offenders who live in military house, you will find nothing. There are no records.

Often, parents on military bases have a false sense of security. There is a guard at the gate. Everyone who lives here is military and on the same team? Right?

You could be wrong. Sex offenders live on base. But currently, you have no idea where.

This bill, will let you know. And as a parent with children who roam the neighborhood with their buddies, or a spouse whose husband is deployed most of the time, you deserve to know who is lurking along your sidewalk.

It is time to take back control of our neighborhoods.

Contact your senators and representatives. Ask them to vote in favor of this issue. There is no reason for sex offenders to use the military to hide their crimes and seize that as an opportunity to strike again. There is no reason for the families who support our nation’s warriors to be in danger in their own homes.

A few blogs back, we talked about the types of legitimate resources to use when writing for research. It occurred to me, however, that finding those legitimate resources could be a huge task all by its itty-bitty self. So, in the interest of working smarter rather than harder, I’ve compiled a list of steps that will make things easier, and online places that are basically academic-writing gold mines! 

Research writing is the bread and butter of most kinds of science-based work. Although the term itself can be a bit intimidating, all it really means is that the information you are trying to get across is legitimate, and has been reviewed and positively received by other people in that field.

I stress the word positively because not everyone who publishes a paper is correct. Remember Andrew Wakefield? He was that doctor who said that autism is linked to vaccines. Well, he published a study, and it turned out that not only was he super wrong, but that had he faked a bunch of the findings and has since been banned from practicing medicine.

Now, it is not likely that you will find and use a study that is as wacky as Wakefield’s was. However, it is important to pay attention to the author(s) of the study. It is always a good idea to look for works with more than three contributing authors, and those authors should have lots of fancy letters behind their names (MD, PhD, etc.). Those letters should also have a connection to the information that is discussed in that study.

For example, if you’re doing research about cutting edge missile technology, you probably don’t need a paper written by an emergency room physician. Likewise, if you’re doing research for a paper on emergency medicine, maybe don’t use a study written by a rocket scientist. So, where are some good places to look legitimate research?

1. Google Scholar (https://scholar.google.com) is a great place to start, and many of the article results are free. The site is easy to navigate (thanks, Google!), and you can save them to a citation sheet if you want to use them later.
2. EBSCOHOST (http://www.ebscohost.com) is a fantastic site to find a huge amount of legitimate research material. Although it typically is a subscription-style service, it is likely that your school’s library offers free access (which you can search on the site). They also offer free trials.
3. Directory of Open Access Journals (http://doaj.org) is an engine to access open access journals. I’ve never found anything on this site that wasn’t both legitimate and free.

It is likely that you will find enough sources for any undergrad research paper through these four sites. If not, well, at least you’ve seen some excellent examples of how scholarly research engines should look and function. Now GO! I know you must be agonizing over the wait to check out all of the amazing, legitimate, peer-reviewed articles available to you!

(Giggle.)

After 20 years of putting a uniform on every single day, you might think your family is ready to finally be free from military life. But, it’s a hard transition to make.

The JROTC program allows retirees to continue serving in uniform, but leave behind deployments, months’ long training and other trappings of traditional military service.

Retirees must have retired in grade as E-6 through E-9 or W- 1 through W-5 or O-3 through O-6.

While most people think of JROTC staff as teaching in the high school classroom, there are also opportunities to serve at the Brigade headquarters and as a department head.

In any case, your daily activities will be very different from what you lived in the military. Instructors, like other high school teachers, will be teaching a curriculum given to them by JROTC. Instructors also work weekends and evenings, guiding their cadets through PT, leadership training and competitions and marching with their cadets in parades.

As a member of the high school faculty, you will be required to be just that, a high school teacher. You will work in the bus line, the lunch room, chaperone events and rotate through any other duties that the faculty is require to do.

In addition, some states may require you to be certified as a teacher. The JROTC website has a great guide for each state that shows how much, or how little, certification you will need to join the high school staff as a military instructor.

And, being a high school teacher isn’t for the faint of heart. When my husband was interviewed for a JROTC job at a tough, inner-city school, the first thing the colonel there told him was, “these kids are rough. You will have to watch your back in the hallways.”

That was enough to steer my husband clear of that job offer. And six months later a student shot another student in the hallway. The first people on the scene to stop the attack were the JROTC instructors.

Still, JROTC is a chance to make a difference. In addition to the officer’s firm warning about the violence in the hallway, he also reminded my husband that in many cases, the JROTC instructors were the only ones who were steering these kids to a future where they would grow and succeed.

They were there, he said, to grow a better future for the nation.

Want to know more about becoming a JROTC instructor when you retire?

Visit http://www.usarmyjrotc.com/home/xtesting for all the details.

I have noticed that throughout our military moves, my closest friends at each duty station are spouses whose husband’s work with my husband during trainings, deployments or schools. It’s easier to form bonds over the long hours or mandatory family fun events. 

The tough part is leaving these friendships behind. Even though technology, smart phones and social media make it a little easier to stay in touch through the distance, things are not the same once we live apart. 

The same thing goes for my friends back home - you know, my “normal, civilian friends.” Schedules are busy, lives are busy. It’s just not quite the same when you can’t get together in person regularly.  

And picking up the phone to actually talk? Forget about it. As soon as my kids see that, they turn into attention seeking monsters! So we go on making new friendships but never forgetting that special bond we have with others.

On our way home from our vacation with family, we were able to stop by for a night and see our very close friends. We went through a deployment together, they supported me in the birth of my son when our husbands were in Afghanistan together.  

We laughed together, cried together. Our families have treated one another like family more than friends. So, after almost two years of not seeing one another, we were excited to finally have a reunion.  But a piece of me worried if things would be like they used to. There are more babies in each family now. The kids are all older. My boys are wild. Would they be able to handle us? 

Careers have gone different ways and new friendships have been made. I was nervous I wasn’t the same friend. That I hadn’t kept in touch enough. That I should have sent cards for birthdays and just because. The list went on. I finally realized I was only making myself more nervous.  

As we explained to our 4-year-old why these friends were so important to us on our drive over, I recalled all of the late night chats, laugh and cries. No matter what I always had those memories. 
    
As soon as we all hugged one another, my worries melted away. Emotions ran over me and I felt at ease. The miles between us, the years of not seeing one another didn’t matter. We were brought back to exactly where we left off. 

One day wasn’t enough to fully catch up and re-acquaint our families. But it was enough to fill my heart and realize that not every friendship I make has to replace my old ones. You can’t replicate experiences with one another.  

This family is very special to both my husband and I. We may not get the opportunity to live near one another again, or go through a deployment together or have babies together but it doesn’t have to prevent us from continuing our friendship and making memories. The Marine Corps brought us together but we choose to continue on together, no matter where the Corps sends us!