Have you ever gotten to the point when you know something needs to get done, but don’t have an ounce of motivation to do it?

Yep, that’s me. And the motivation has been missing since, oh, the start of summer vacation!

I don’t know what it is. Perhaps it is not having to get up early and get the kids off to school. Or perhaps it’s the ridiculously hot weather that is draining me. Whatever it is, it’s not good.

I find myself waiting until almost the last minute to do my homework assignments, or worse, I am not giving what I believe is 100 percent effort.

Granted, I am carrying an A in one class and a high B in another and only one assignment has been turned in which counted toward the grade in that class. But I honestly don’t feel like I am giving it my all. I’m just not feeling it. You know what I mean?

I tell myself at the beginning of every week that I am going to start my assignments and finish them early. Between Monday and Sunday, that gusto goes out the door.

I may get them done, but never as early as I like. I hope that motivation returns soon, as I have a term paper to write and finals in a few weeks.

What do you do to regain motivation?

There are women in my neighborhood, lots of them, who want nothing to do with Army life.

They don’t attend FRG meetings. They don’t attend teas with the commander’s wife. They may not even know who their husband’s commander is.

Tara Crooks – a noted military spouse blogger and writer, and our recent webinar guest – used to be one of them. Last week, Tara told the Salute to Spouses community all about how she too used to shun the idea of military spouse life.

Then she described the journey that carried her to her life today, as a leader in the military spouse community. As I listened, I turned my phone to mute, even though I was supposed to be on the line with her – sorry, Tara. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging! But I would have been nothing but a distraction. As she spoke, I laughed, I cried, I mused at how many of her frustrations and triumphs sounded so similar to the experiences of my family and those around us.

Just like Tara, I realized at some point, you simply can’t fight it, no matter how hard you try. You are a military spouse, whether you like it or not.

I jumped feet first – no, did a cannonball into my military “spousehood,” being a part of the FRG and attending the teas and being everything my soldier and his unit needed me to be.

Then, the shine started to come off of military life.

The FRG felt more like a gossip tank and a means for rescuing distraught and misbehaving spouses. As a senior NCO spouse I was prohibited from participating in many of the fun functions that the officer’s wives attended. I was tired, I was lonely, and I really wasn’t interested in being a military spouse any longer.

When my soldier came home and it was time to PCS I put my foot down. I wasn’t interested in bailing wayward young spouses out of jail. I wasn’t going to the darn ball and God as my witness, I didn’t give two cents who the commander’s wife was or what she needed or wanted. So there!

But, within a week of arriving at our new duty station, I was appointed as the new FRG leader. I was organizing events. I had lunch with the commander’s wife (and she was lovely). No matter how much I tried, I can’t deny how much I love my military life.

Yes, to this day, I moan about Army red tape. I tell my husband after every FRG meeting that I am quitting come Monday. I loathe prepping for the ball and I secretly fantasize about running off and living a “normal” life.

But this is our normal. Even for the women who refuse to embrace their military “spousehood” to its fullest potential, this is your normal and you will miss it.

The sticky military red tape that dictates everything from how we mow our lawns to how often we see our husbands has become the guiding force in our lives. Without it, I think my household may fall apart.

The military pomp and circumstance, and even shopping for those darn ball gowns, have become highlights of our years and milestone markers that we compare all other events against.

And no matter how much you say you hate the Army, the phrase passes my lips frequently, you are just as proud as you can be when your soldier is in full uniform and in a formation for a unit function.

The flag unfurls, the music plays, this feels like home – no matter how much you try to distance yourself.

About Tara Crooks

Tara Crooks is the creator of Army Wife Talk Radio, Co-Founder of Army Wife Network, and Co-Author of 1001 Things to Love about Military Life. She and her husband Kevin and two daughters Wrena and Chloe are currently stationed at Fort Sill, OK. Her husband deployed to Afghanistan in late April this year for his third deployment. Team Crooks, as they like to call themselves, have been in the Army for 14 years. Today Tara hopes to share her journey with us and encourage us to celebrate this unique lifestyle that we lead.

Click to purchase 1001 Things to Love about Military Life

About Army Wife Network
Army Wife Network is the internet’s leading website for Army Wives, by Army Wives. We boast the only internet talk radio show designed specifically for military spouses- Army Wife Talk Radio- in its seventh year of broadcasting. To find out more about AWN’s history and interactive empowerment tools, please visit our website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com.  AWN cofounders, Tara Crooks and Starlett Henderson, are coauthors of 1001 Things to Love about Military Life along with Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer.

One of my favorite things about the Army is that 90 percent of the time, we don't have to say, “Goodbye.”The phrase, “See you later,”seems to be more appropriate. In my 10 years with my husband, we have made five Permanent Changes of Station. I have said tearful goodbyes. I have given and received some fun gifts. But what makes it all worthwhile for me is the PCS stopover - when we have a chance to reconnect with old friends as we zip across the country to our next duty station.

This time my girlfriend, her sweet soldier, her two kids, one dog and two cats found the time in the amazing PCS race to stop in my town for dinner. This friend and I have been through a lot together, not the least of which was a 15-month deployment. Then we were blessed to be stationed together again at our last duty station. I consider her to be one of my best Army wife friends.

She texted me and she said that they were staying right outside our post gate for the night. We should meet for dinner. As we waited in the car for them to walk over from the hotel, “Good Times”came through the radio. I couldn't help but think, “How appropriate!”We laughed and joked and noted how much all of our kids had grown. I watched her sweet soldier help my sweet girl with a crossword puzzle and sweet girl loved every minute. My older sweet boy played checkers with her younger sweet, sweet boy and it was like no time had ever passed among us. The only thing missing was my sweet soldier.

After dinner we said, "See you later," one more time and the hugs and well wishes overflowed. I am looking forward to seeing them again in a few weeks as her sweet soldier takes another step in his career. I am so grateful to be able to share that moment with them. A few hours of driving won't keep me away!

But that is not the first time this has happened this week. Another friend messaged and said that she was picking us up to ride over to Leavenworth to see another good friend! I was thrilled. I can't wait to see both of my friends and their kids again and we can talk about the "Good Times."

What I think a lot of civilians don't understand about our Army life (only because they don't have to do it as often) is the true sense of loss and mourning that takes place when we leave a post that we have grown to love. Even after only having been there for a year and a half, I truly grieved when I left Fort Meade. I miss those ladies terribly, but I am so glad that it truly is a "See you later." I hope you get to experience the stop over during this PCS season. It truly made my day!

Strength and Courage ... sby

Do you ever feel like there are not enough hours in the day? Well this week, I am feeling exactly that. It is midterm week, and I have two. Thankfully, my college has two quarters as opposed to one semester. That makes studying easier with just two full-time classes to juggle each quarter as opposed to four in a semester. But that also makes the classes move along at a faster pace. Add that work in with everything else that’s going on this week and I feel like I am doing all I can to keep up.

This week my daughter has basketball camp - nothing intensive as she is only 8, and it is not a full day camp. However, it’s just long enough that I don’t necessarily want to sit there, and just short enough that it doesn’t give me a whole lot of time to run around and do errands. And, it’s smack dab in the middle of the day. Lovely.

I also have a list of errands that seems to be never ending. Pick up my daughter’s prescription, grocery store, a seemingly daily trip to Wal-Mart and a host of other things. One of my classes is 5 hours long and wipes out an entire evening each week. Our family has also added walking to our evening routine. There is a trail on post that is just beautiful. It is woodsy so it’s nice and shaded and has enough hills to get a pretty good workout. And it’s 2.5 miles.  Do you know when I last walked 2.5 miles, on purpose?

Oh, and don’t forget our unit’s organization day, aka family fun day. Not only will that take up Friday, well into the afternoon, but I think the next town over is putting on a fireworks show that night too. So there’s yet another activity to add to the list. So when am I supposed to fit my midterms in there? Hmm. Not sure. I think I have some time in the middle of the night!

What are some of your strategies for balancing studying and home life?

About 48 hours into the deployment, Murphy’s Law supplanted itself into my friend’s life. Her husband had been gone about two days when the pain in her hips got so bad that she scheduled an MRI. 

The tech examined her hips, searching for the source of the pain and found a “thing” on her spine instead. Docs called and demanded she return to the hospital, immediately, for another look.

Four MRIs later, she was told her spinal cord was sitting outside of its protective shell and completely exposed. This is not good.

When doctors told her what they found, her husband, a submariner, was underwater.  And a week later, he still has no idea. There is no email or phone capability in the fathoms below – just silence.

His command, however, spun itself into a tizzy when they learned they had a spouse with three small children looking at near immediate spinal surgery and weeks’ worth of recovery.

They didn’t quite know where to begin or what to do to help her. What they knew for certain was that her husband was not going to be sent home, regardless of her medical condition. The mission, they said, would not be compromised.

There was no hesitation from our group of spouses. Without really even thinking about it, we came together and said, “It’s ok. We got this.”

We quickly discussed which family could take her children, what activities we would ferry them to and how we would handle her house cleaning and back to school shopping.

We began to clear a bedroom in our house and move the television so she could rest there post-surgery without worrying about cleaning and cooking.

As far as we were concerned, the only question was when. The rest of the pieces would fall into place. Her children would be fed and loved. Her daily duties would be tended to. She could rest and heal.

I’d like to think that in other communities, the reaction would be the same. And in small towns where residents have known each other for years, I’m certain it is.

But in the military, friendships are often based on just weeks or even days of knowing each other. Families are strained with their own stressors of deployment and injury – things that would break many civilians. But these same families happily reach out from under their own burdens to shoulder those of others.

As a military spouse, I complain a lot by what I feel is unpreparedness by the commands to handle families. I am vocal about the downfalls I see in the military machine.

But I am humbled and grateful for the graciousness and kindness that I see in military spouses every day as they work together to accomplish what no amount of planning and daily meetings at headquarters could.

These spouses are the reason that military units can function on the front lines. They are the reason America wins wars.

Today was an awesome day. The fact that it came on the heels of two very bad weeks is not lost on me. My status on Facebook today was, "100/100/100; 2.5 minute plank; 3 mile run. I think I will call it a day." During the course of the day, I completed 100 abs (sit-ups, crunches and leg lifts), 100 arms (push-ups, modified push-ups and tricep dips), and the rest speaks for itself. I ran the full three miles, and it felt great!

Over the last two weeks, I have really been struggling with holding myself together. The kids have lost their minds for the summer. Technology created a "hot mess" between my husband and me and another friend and me. I have to tell you, friends, I was tempted to crawl up under my bed and stay there. Can this deployment be over already? Can I seriously learn to think before I speak or type, as the case may be? But do you know what? Today, my perspective changed.

I have started using a saying during this deployment, "If you have your hands on your boot straps and are pulling, I will gladly stick my shoehorn in to help you." Now, this applies to me. Can you believe it? I am going to take my own advice for a change! I decided to change my perspective. I have learned from my errors. I have apologized for creating a "spinex" (as my sweet soldier puts it) in the lives of people that I care about. And then, I ran.

I completed my first running goal, which was to run a full three miles, and there is no stopping me now! When I began the day, I felt like I was running on empty, but now my cup is full and overflowing. What do you do to help change your perspective sometimes? I would love to hear about it. Please leave me a comment below.

Strength and Courage ... sby

Focusing on my schoolwork has been tough lately because my concentration keeps being invaded by thoughts of the impending PCS to Korea that my husband will be making - alone. Even though it is 10 months from now, I am already running through the checklist of what needs to be done and know I am going to forget something. It has been a couple of years since my husband has deployed, so we’ve gotten a break from him being gone every other year since ‘01. When he leaves, he will have been home for three years straight, which hasn’t happened, ever, in our 14-year marriage. I’m already worried about getting things done.

Even though this isn’t technically a deployment, I know the deployment gremlins will show up. They have every other time, why not again? Something will go wrong with the car, an appliance or with anything else that can break down. And I will, for the first time, have the added pressure of trying to sell our house while he is gone.

Deciding on when the right time is to put it on the market is not an easy one. And with the housing market these days, there isn’t even a guarantee it will sell. So, as soon as my husband finds out where we will go after Korea, I will be putting the house up. I figure I’d rather have too much time, than not enough. And if it happens to sell quickly, I will be moving myself, two kids and a dog into a rental. Not something I am looking forward to, but I really, really do not want to rent out our house when we move. I am a worrywart and I will constantly worry about whether the renters will pay on time and if they are taking care of my house. If we don’t have renters, I will have the added worry of paying a mortgage and rent. I just want to be done with it.

The separation is one more reason I need to stay motivated to finally finish my degree, because I don’t want to have to balance everything plus school. Doing battle with those deployment demons isn’t always easy but I’ve done it before and if I’m going to stay on track to graduate before my husband leaves I’ll need to do it again.

Beware, dear reader, for I’m going to swear. A lot.

You, I can warn. The general's wife who stumbled across me pitching a fit last month had no such luxury.

Lucky for me, she had an excellent sense of humor.

My friend and I were at the housing community center setting up tables for a function. We were irritated because no one else came to help. We were tired because it was just one more event in a long line of events marking the end of the school year. We were ticked. No, we were furious because the trade winds, which had been mild for weeks, came roaring in with the power of a small hurricane that morning.

Our event was outside. The tablecloths, placemats and programs – all paper - phoosh – gone with the first strong gust.

I chased them down a hill. Over cars. Under tables. In heels and a skirt. ‘Grumble, grumble, what the h***,’ I muttered.

Brilliant me, I thought, I’ll duct tape the suckers down. Ha! Have that wind.

Whoosh – down the hill, over the cars, under the tables – again. ‘Son of a *****, d**n it,’ my cursing and volume increased.

Duct tape on - check. Heavy centerpieces in the middle – check. Boxes strategically placed to hold everything – check.

Kafoosh! Slam! Crack! Down the hill, over cars, under the tables went the papers. The boxes of glass gifts were smashed. Centerpieces were turned upside down.

Then I said, no screamed, the mother of all swear words.

Then, I sang it.

And then I declared my defeat, with help from the word.

And then I sang my favorite four letter word, again, adding syllables and thrusting torn papers into the air for emphasis.

By the end of my outburst, I’m sure I appeared downright crazy.

About five minutes later, a woman walked out from around the corner and I immediately recognized her from the spouses’ club. She is the general’s wife.

Gasp. Terror. I am again saying the same swear word again but quietly in my head for a whole new reason. She knows exactly who I am too.

She greeted me with a hug and a smile and pleasant, quick conversation. And then she was gone. I turned to my friend who was practically peeing herself she was laughing so hard.

Apparently, the general’s wife had walked to the community center to show some visiting relatives the lovely windswept ocean view from its peak. A view I ruined with my ode to the f-word.

And when she heard me screeching, my friend said the general’s wife backed quickly out of view and proceeded to laugh hysterically.

I’m sure I did set quite a scene singing swear words into the wind as tablecloths turned in the air around me.

And as funny as it probably was, I will never, ever swear like that in public again. This woman probably understood the absolute stress we were under and was truly laughing with me.

Next time, my unintended audience may not find it as amusing.

So, lovely reader, sometimes you really do feel like cussing into the wind. Sometimes, the wind deserves it. But you may just want to save it for later.

You’ll thank yourself at the next spouse club meeting.

My third, and last, child starts kindergarten in the fall. Since he is on the autism spectrum, the powers that be decided that the best way for him to transition from pre-k to kindergarten was through an Extended School Year program. This means he will go to school for the month of June at the school where he will attend kindergarten. Does that make perfect sense? Yes. Is it the best thing for him? Yes. Does it scare me to death? Yes!

Did you know that 1 in every 88 children (1 in every 54 boys) is affected by autism? What is interesting to me is that it seems to affect every child differently. For my sweet boy, he echoes just as Dustin Hoffman's character did in "Rain Man." And just like a lot of kids on the spectrum, my sweet boy does not make connections. Quite simply, I can tell him that he is going to a new school with a new teacher, but he may or may not understand what that means. However, he jumped on the bus that morning (new driver, new assistant and all) before I could get the question, "Eisenhower, right?", out of my mouth. He was on the bus and gone before I knew it.

My dear friend asked me if I would be as emotional if he weren't special needs. She and I are both sending our third, and last, kids to school. We are both planning to be at the bus stop with our pom poms in hand cheering for the success of our babies and our new found freedom. But I admit to you, only my closest friends, that I am nervous in the pit of my stomach. I am nervous because he can't tell me when someone hurts him or when he doesn't get a fair shake. He can't tell me when he has achieved one of his educational goals or when he does something really cool on the playground. That makes me nervous.

Deployment or not, I have kids to raise and for my youngest sweet boy, I have to be vigilant. No matter how sad or frustrated I am. No matter how worried I am. He is counting on me to be his mom and his advocate. No matter what life throws at me, I will be both of those things for him with all of my might. But I also have to remember to let him experience life on his terms. It sometimes takes a little longer and a few more tries, but sweet boy, I promise you, I will "hold on loosely, but won't let go!”

Strength and Courage ... sby

When people ask me how I am paying for school, I have no problem telling them that I am using my husband’s GI Bill. Thanks to the Post 9-11 GI Bill, my husband was eligible to transfer part of that benefit to me and it truly has been a gift.

Obviously when people start looking into furthering their education, one of the most important questions is, how am I going to pay for this? And the answers are many. Grants, scholarships, loans, save up and pay in cash - the list goes on. When I began my educational career, I was lucky enough to qualify for the Pell Grant so my expenses were taken care of. This was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I wanted to further my education, but I did not want to go into debt for it. A good friend of mine graduated from law school last year, and along with her degree, she also accumulated $250,000 in school loans. Granted, I am not pursing a law degree, but still. I can buy a house for less than that!

As my husband moved up in his military career and got promoted, the amount I would receive for the Pell Grant was reduced until finally it got to the point that it would not cover all of my tuition anymore. At that point, my husband offered to transfer some of his GI Bill to me so I could finish up my degree. At first I didn’t want him to do that because I didn’t want to take from him what he had earned and had paid into. But after discussing it, we decided it was a good idea. My husband is currently in school as well, so he is taking advantage of Tuition Assistance. He will finish his degree program in about two months, so he won’t use his GI Bill.

So what does this mean for me? It not only means that I will be able to finish my degree, but that I will graduate debt free!  How many people can say that? I will have no pressure to hurry up and find a job because my student loans are going to be due soon and I won’t be paying on those student loans for years on end. I can begin my career not in a financial hole, which means a better financial future for not only me and my husband, but for our children as well. That is worth its weight in gold.