Things have been a little quiet in my blogging life.  After spurts of motivation to get back into the real, working world, I finally found a position to apply for that matched my education and experience. 

Although it was full-time and a little further away than I was willing to travel, I decided to put myself out there. I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try. So late one night, when everyone was fast asleep, I edited my resume for the tenth time in the last year and applied. Before I could talk myself out of it or tell my husband a reason I shouldn’t apply, I sent in the application and there was no turning back.

Not only did I send the application, I told my references that they may be getting a call. I felt excited again about the opportunity to contribute to my family. I envisioned paying off debt and taking some of the financial pressure off my husband’s shoulders.

I even started telling my friends and family. I had everyone’s support. A week went by and I heard nothing. Another week went by and I checked my application status. Silence.

I got so caught up with our busy routine and my husband leaving for a 3-month training that I almost forgot about the application after a couple weeks. Until I received the email.

“I regret to inform you….” Those few words were all I needed to know where this letter was going. I had seen it before. Rejection slapped me in the face, again.

Even though I wasn’t sure the logistics of this position would work for my family, I still wanted to be considered. I still wanted a shot. I wanted a chance to try; to prove to myself and everyone else that I was good enough to be employed.

I was not prepared for rejection. I have worked hard the last few years. Even though I have been away from the real, working world I am still involved in the community. I volunteer for two organizations. I run my family’s household. I have stayed home for four years to raise my two awesome boys so my husband could focus on his career and have the peace of my mind that our family was taken care with me home. 

Now, with both of my boys registered for preschool next year, I am ready for my turn.

It’s been a couple weeks since the letter. I applied to another position in our county but honestly, I am struggling with confidence and have not continued to search for other opportunities.  I know it was only one position and I should not give up. But, I am struggling a little bit and it is a hard place to be, especially as I watch my husband succeed in the Marine Corps.

I will continue to volunteer and keep our routine, for now. But I am taking this as an opportunity to slow down.  I know one day the right position will happen for me but maybe this just isn’t the time.