By Tiffany Shedd
The worst part about moving every three years, for me personally, has been making new friends.
I made up my mind that after this move I was going to make a very concerted effort, for the sake of my son who was a newborn at the time. Moving with a newborn proved a bit more challenging than I’d expected, especially when he started having seizures at ten-months-old.
By the time I even thought about finding friends, we’d been in the area for over a year. So my newborn was now a toddler and I was more than ready for more adult conversation.
I had been dealing with my son’s diagnosis with epilepsy as I deal with most things, by not thinking about it or dealing with my feelings about it. I did not compulsively research it. I didn’t immediately search out support groups. Initially, I didn’t do anything, really.
Once we went several months, seizure free, I didn’t even really think about it all that much. Epilepsy isn’t something I had to deal with on a daily basis, thank goodness. I know that we have been very lucky. Despite my lack of compulsive research, I still heard stories from doctors about all the possibilities.
My son had his first seizures about the time I was really looking into finding friends. I had started going to the YMCA. I was looking into book clubs. I was about to sign him up for a Mommy and Me class. All that came to a screeching halt when the seizures started. It threw me off the friend track for another six months.
I stumbled upon a mommy group serendipitously while attending a consignment sale. They had an information table set up at the sale. It was group of mommies from my county and their website had online forums for moms to chat about everything from dinner plans, movies and books, and even forums for moms with kids who have special needs. Something really clicked for me when I talked to the representative. I knew it was time for my son to start getting out and meeting other kids and I really needed to meet other moms, especially moms that might get what I had been going through for the last six months.
I went home that day and signed up for the group. I immediately joined the special needs forum and posted about our experience. Within a few minutes, I had an encouraging response from one of the other mommies. It was nice to have an objective group of people to talk to and feel support from.
Do not get me wrong, my husband and family are supportive, but I am a worrier. I internalize a lot of it, and sometimes it is just easier to talk to other people who have gone through similar experiences or who know what it is like to have a child with special needs.
In the six months since we’ve joined the group, I worry about my son a lot less. Partially because he’s been seizure free for almost a year, and partially because of the other mommies I have met. I love seeing my son play with the other kids at play dates. I feel like I was meant to find this group and I’m grateful I found them when I did.
If you are new to life with a special needs child, or if you yourself have been diagnosed with something, my advice would be to find a group that you feel supported in. Talk to your PCM about groups on post or check with ACS to see if there are support groups you could join.
If there aren’t, maybe you could start one. I am sure that there will be others who will be thankful. If you don’t live on post, look to your community. Talk to your doctor, check with the Parks and Recreation department, sometimes you will find support groups or just a group that you can feel connected to in strange places.
If you can’t find a local group, try an online group. Sometimes it is easier to connect with others when you aren’t face to face, especially when you are dealing with highly sensitive and emotional issues. Whatever you do, make sure that you get the support that you need. You don’t have to deal with your child’s or your diagnosis alone. Family is wonderful, but when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away from them, friends become a necessity.
