One of the struggles I have faced as a military wife has been having my own identity.

Or maybe it’s losing my identity.

It’s not that I don’t enjoy being a military spouse or that I’m not appreciative of that “title.” I do love my life and I believe there are so many great things about my role as a military spouse.

But it has been easy to lose myself at times. I always wanted to be successful. I wanted to be able to have a profession I was passionate about that also allowed me to take care of my family. Putting off this dream was probably my biggest challenge as I became a new military wife six years ago. 

A year after I earned my bachelor’s degree, I put off grad school while my husband joined the Marine Corps. I’ve always considered myself a hard worker and no matter what job I held, I gave it 100 percent. I managed a restaurant, worked as a bartender, personal trainer, behavioral therapist and health coach in the first few years as a military spouse.

Finding a job was the easy part but there was always something missing. I didn’t feel professional.  Especially standing by my husband, whom I graduated college with, who has succeeded in every way possible in his military career. Whether finishing at the top of his class or mastering different certifications and special trainings, he has become exactly what he strived to be.

As proud of him as I am, a part of me wants that for myself also. Since becoming a mom two years ago, I have found a sense of fulfillment and satisfaction in my role as a stay-at-home mom and military wife. Or maybe I am so busy with this crazy life I haven’t had time to focus on just myself.  

Our baby is already 6-months-old and I know my babies won’t be home forever. I have found myself thinking and wondering again about what I want for myself. And as crazy as it sounds, I think I may want to go back to school.

I do not regret putting off graduate school because who knows where that path would have led my husband and I. Newly engaged and never having lived separately before, I was not willing to have a long distance relationship during his initial training. So I followed him and decided to go back to school when we went to our first duty station.

To make a long story short, that duty station came and went. More than four years, two deployments and a couple of kids came and went a lot quicker than I expected.

Before the boys were born, I did my research and found all sorts of programs I was interested in pursuing, everything from teaching to counseling to becoming a physical therapist. You name it and at one time or another I wanted to be it.

Why was it so hard for me to chose something?! It could be because I really never knew how long I would be at one place. I may not be able to finish a program in time and the thought of more school debt terrified me.

I thought about my husband’s career. If he decided to do 20-30 years in the Marines, what career would give me the flexibility to move around and easily find employment? I became very easily defeated. There was always a reason or two that detoured me from making a decision and following through with it. It has taken a lot of discussions (and at times tension) with my husband and self reflection to understand the reason I feel lost.

Life isn’t going to stop being crazy, especially military life. There is never a perfect time, for going back to school, starting a family or reaching toward any goal. It seems I will always find some obstacle to sabotage myself from making a decision about what I want to do.

But I am not getting any younger and life isn’t slowing down. My priorities have changed. Being successful isn’t based on my title, my degree or how much money I make.

I want to find a job that will be flexible with my family and military life and provide us with a way to secure our future. Writing this blog has given me a push into the right direction and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share my experience with other military spouses.

Whatever your challenges may be as a military spouse, do not let this lifestyle hold you back from your dreams. Carpe Diem. It might sound cheesy but reminding myself to “seize the day” helps motivate me.

Whether it is to take advantage of your new duty station, meet new friends or apply for a new job, you have nothing to lose when you take a chance.