I have to admit I have been struggling a little bit in the friend/social/military spouse involvement department here. Between the regular craziness of being a mom, my workouts (AKA my therapy) and volunteering two to three mornings a week, I have not been as outgoing or as social as I would like to be. In fact, I almost feel completely out of touch with military life. I realized this over the weekend when we attended my husband’s USMC Birthday Ball for his battalion.

In the past, I have looked forward to a night on the town with my Marine in his dress blues. We have always had a great time making memories with our friends in the unit as we celebrate the Marine Corps. The ceremony reminds me how special it is to be apart of this unique military community.  

This year as our ball approached, I really found myself struggling to get excitement to attend. I had a unique opportunity to dress up and have a kid-free night with my husband - and I dreaded it. I saw my other Marine Corps friends posting and sharing pictures of themselves at their own birthday ball celebrations, looking like they were having a great time. Why was I struggling to bring myself to go this year?

We have been at our “new” family for about six months and things here just don’t feel the same as previous duty stations. Initially when we came here, I tried to jump right in and make new friends, but I admit I have a problem committing to plans. For whatever the reason, I am not one to initiate social get-togethers. I always try to attend when an invitation is extended to me but I am not always the best at following through.

I also was fortunate enough to have friends here from our last duty station but somehow I pushed myself away from them. The days go by fast and I lost touch.  We also live about 45 minutes from our base, which makes it more challenging to be as active as I would like to be. And, having two active boys is exhausting. Sometimes I just can’t wait until nap time. Or bedtime. I cherish my “me time”.

I have friends - lots of them all over the country whom I miss terribly. Why can’t we just all be together again? Don’t get me wrong, I have met wonderful people here, both in and out of our battalion, and I can see myself being friends with lots of them.

But at this time, I haven’t found a group where I belong. I feel like an outsider.  And with the big party approaching, being an outsider is no fun. Instead of a night out with girlfriends, I felt like I would be following my husband around as his shadow, not knowing anyone, which is not like me.

I am not really sure what happened during the week but I made an active decision to stop having a pity party for myself. Just because I do not see friends on a regular basis does not mean I do not have friends!  I have said it many times in my writings here and have learned this lesson over and over many times during my experience as a military spouse: military life is what you make it.

I still have a lot of time left here to make deeper connections and memories with our new military family. And the Marine Corps Birthday Ball is about more than getting together with girlfriends and giggling on the dance floor. It was an opportunity to meet the people my husband works with and spends a lot of time with. It was a night to honor those Marines who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

And it was also not “my” night. It was my husband’s. My Marine. All the Marines. His night to bond with his fellow brothers and celebrate a happy occasion of being together on this one night. The bigger picture became so much clearer. This was not just about me!

After the dreading, we ended up having a fun night. I was reminded that I really would like to be better friends with many of the women I have met in the past few months and I would have fun with them! I must admit, this ball wasn’t like previous years but my husband and I may never have that type of experience again. We had very unique friendships at that time and I am very fortunate for those.

We may never all be in the same place and time together again but that doesn’t mean we all cannot continue to make new friendships. In this lifestyle, you have to keep growing and creating new relationships and making new friends. If not, it can be a very isolating and a lonely, long time at your duty station.  I still have a lot of time to grow these new friendships and work on my old ones – I just have to learn to make time. Friendships, like marriages, take work on both sides. I am hoping I can work on that!