It’s pretty well-known that my life is up for public consumption on my blog. If I have a thought, even an unpopular one, as they may be, my name is attached to it. There’s no doubt. But that’s not always the case.

A few weeks ago, one of my friends here in upstate N.Y. ran into trouble with some cyberbullies. Normally, it’s the kind of situation you’d shake your head at, confront your attackers, and move about your day, wiser about whom you give your time. After all, what were we taught by our parents: stand up to your bullies, right?

But what happens when they’re anonymous? How do you stand up to that?

Thanks to the miracle of social networking, sometimes there’s no way to confront the person tearing you down. There’s a social media page, which even carries the name of our army post, where anyone could send their “confessions,” and have them anonymously posted. Everything from heading out to Walmart in your PJ’s, to scandalous things that would make my Kindle blush can be posted on the page. All you have to do is message them and you’re off to the races. 

Seems harmless, right? Venting your own little secrets? Sure, until people start “anonymously” attacking other people. Slander, accusations, insults, insinuations - they’re all right there, plainly spelled out to who the person is through detail and asterisk-encoded names. Your best friend could verbally attack you and you’d never know it was them, because it’s posted anonymously.

What part of this military “community” do we want to validate?

I’m under no false, naïve belief that by being in the military lifestyle, I share an automatic camaraderie with every other military spouse. In a perfect world, of course we would. But we are all unique individuals who just happened to marry military men. We’re not all going to get along. But, when we allow social media to “anonymously” bully other spouses, or soldiers, going as far as to use this duty station as their name, we’re perpetuating the cycle of bullying. This isn’t “meet me out back behind the playground.” No, those grade-school bullies have grown up, promoted themselves to the internet, and now the consequences are far more reaching than a black eye, or wounded pride. Heck, bullies don’t even have to leave the house now to tear someone to the ground.

By allowing these sites to exist, by “liking” them and reading them, we’re giving the thumbs up to the coward behind the screen who in one key stroke can ruin someone’s business, self-esteem, or even marriage. And it doesn’t even have to be true, just typed. As military spouses, what are we doing? Why are we “liking” this? Why aren’t we the ones standing up for one another and saying, “Enough.”

Believe me, I’m not blameless. No, I don’t “like” these pages, or frequent them, but I certainly did nothing to shut it down when it hurt my friend repeatedly. Why? Because I live a sorta-public life, and one screen-shot can do a lot to my career. So I minded my own business. Out of what? Fear. I wasn’t even being bullied and that page scared me. But then it came for me, and though I shrugged off most of what it said, the bully got their target. They had a good chunk of my head for a few hours. But that was it. Because of my blog and my book, a lot of people know random personal details about our life. That’s a choice we made in our marriage, but the others? They didn’t. But it took me getting personally hit by someone I don’t know, and have likely never spoken to, to make me speak up against it, and that is on me.

We here in upstate N.Y. aren’t the only ones with such ugliness. They’re everywhere, attached to the names of military installations around the country. Apparently these pages are the new way to scratch “call Jenny for a good time,” into the paint for all to see. So what’s the difference? Social media is empowering these bullies and giving them something they didn’t have before – a platform larger than a four stall public restroom.

So this is my platform – my words. And this is our platform as spouses – to say “enough,” unlike the page and walk away. Because as Edmund Burke taught us, the good men who do nothing are all it takes for this behavior to continue. I choose to try to be the good one. I choose to say enough.

Because I attach my name to what I write, and they should too.