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Staying Stress-Free During PCS Season

By Christine Cioppa

Your family received the orders. It’s time for a Permanent Change of Station (PCS). If you’re like Kathy Broniarczyk, Director of Family Support at the Military Family Research Institute, and Army spouse, this responsibility falls on you more times than not. You’re holding the family together, packing and unpacking. You’re doing it all! 

Broniarczyk has moved 14 times in her 20 years of marriage to her husband, who was in the Army on active duty and with the National Guard (now retired after 23 years). Of those 27 packs and unpacks, Broniarczyk says her husband was only there for five of them, leaving the remaining 22 packs and unpacks hers to manage. Fortunately, the packers never lost a pet or shipped a garbage can full of trash. But, these things have happened during the chaos of a move and only add to the stress of an already trying time.  

Fortunately, there are things you can do to make the transition easier and less stressful for you and your family. Before your move, add the following to your checklist of things to do:  

Research your installation’s climate. First thing to do is find out about your new installation. Go online. When Broniarczyk moved, there was no Internet. She says it’s a wonderful resource to make things easier. Find out about the climate. Find out as much as you can. Broniarczyk says you don’t want to pack Arizona desert clothes for a move to Washington, where it rains all the time and necessitates sweatshirts, jackets and umbrellas. If you’re prepared, Broniarczyk says you don’t have the stress of buying new things when you move.  

Take advantage of the sponsorship program. “Investigate if your new unit has a sponsor program. A lot of the units in a lot of the branches have them,” says Broniarczyk. If you participate, you’ll be assigned a sponsor. Broniarczyk says that having someone who is already on the ground is a tremendous help. That person can answer a lot of questions you have and get information you need in advance, she adds.  

Be proactive if pregnant. If pregnant and within a month of delivery, Broniarczyk says planning is important. “Have a plan A and a plan B and a plan C.” She says women should find out if their medical records are going to transfer and if all the admission paperwork is at the particular hospital. Having moved several times in the States and twice overseas, Broniarczyk says that she hand-carries all her important papers in a carry-on bag. She advises carrying your maternity records with you as you travel.  “If your family is in transit and you go in labor, you’ll need everything right there with you,” she says.  If delivering in a military hospital, the OBGYN may be the one on duty, and may not be your same OBGYN, says Broniarczyk. Having a plan and knowing what hospital or installation you will deliver at is important. Also, having a phone conversation with the new OBGYN taking over your care can be beneficial, she says.  

Help children cope. “Whatever children are feeling is okay,” Broniarczyk says. Acknowledging to your children that moving is hard is important, she says. It’s important to accept feelings, whether they are sad they are moving, fearful of making friends or anxious about unknowns. She urges not to downplay those emotions by saying, “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay.”  “Be real honest about what you know and don’t know, because kids are going to know if you are faking it,” says Broniarczyk. She says it is okay to say, “I’m not sure. I don’t know what it is going to be like.” Or you could say, “We know A, we know B, we know C, we know D. You know what? I don’t know about E and that is going to be a surprise for us.” Another helpful approach is helping them work through some of those fears and anxieties in their minds. If, for example, they are worried about making new friends, you can talk about that and reinforce positive past experiences. You could say, “Remember when you moved here? You didn’t know anybody either. So what did you do to make friends?” Broniarczyk adds, “Chances are if they made friends where they are currently at, they are going to be able to make friends where they are going.”  Bridging the activities enjoyed from one community to next can also help. Broniarczyk says that if they enjoyed going to the library or playing soccer, for example, you could say to them, “You know what, where we are going there are libraries too!” or  “Let’s explore and check out what soccer teams are in the new community. Maybe we can belong to the YMCA.”  

Prevent move mishaps. After 22 packs and unpacks by herself, Broniarczyk has a routine that helps things go smoothly. All in all, it comes down to being organized and “getting a system that works for you,” she says. Broniarczyk makes sure she takes everything she doesn’t want packed and locks it in her car or in a bathroom with a big sign that says, “Don’t pack this room.” Making sure movers know what to pack and not to pack — or what rooms to access —  is really important. Broniarczyk said she has heard stories of packers packing garbage cans filled with garbage or a backpack filled with library books from the place they were moving from. If a mover opens a door that has the cat inside, the cat can run out. “Make sure you take animals to the kennel when you are packing,” advises Broniarczyk.  If you have children, the packing process is even more complex and depends on what your children can handle. “You don’t want a three-year-old to leave in the morning with all the stuff in the house and come back and there is nothing left,” says Broniarczyk. She suggests letting them stay a little bit and see what the packers are doing. Then, you can take them to childcare to keep them occupied.  When Broniarczyk gets to the new location, she puts numbers on each of the rooms. As the boxes come off the truck, she reads the label (e.g., daughter’s room, kitchen) and puts a number on the box so the movers place it in the correct room. She also makes sure boxes are labeled “first unload” or “first unpack” so children can get their rooms set up first and have a place for their stuff.  

Make it fun. “It’s very important to have an open mind,” says Broniarczyk. She urges avoiding the mentality of “I don’t want to leave here. I don’t want to move,” because it can result in missing a lot of the benefits of the new place. Instead, look for all the great things or “gems” of the new location. “Every place is going to be different and every place is going to have things that are absolutely wonderful about the new location. It’s important to find those things.” Broniarczyk and her family look at each move as an adventure. “We’ve always made sure that when we go to a new place, we try one new local food we have never had before and they get to choose.” Having this tradition gives each of them something fun to look forward to. She’ll say, “Okay, when we go to Texas, we are going to try something we’ve never had before. We’ve never had brisket. What is that? They’ll find that kind of food and try it.” She says this helps start the acclimation process.  

Other resources for relocating 

Looking for more information about child care at your new installation and other resources to help your family transition? Broniarczyk recommends the following websites for more info: 

http://www.naccrra.org/military-providers/what-programs-are-available (Child Care Programs)  

http://www.militarychild.org/  (Military Child Education Coalition) 

http://apps.militaryonesource.mil/MOS/f?p=123:23:0 (Military Youth on the Move) 

http://www.militaryonesource.mil/ (Military OneSource) - See more at: http://www.salute2spouses.com/articles/blog/staying-stress-free-during-pcs-season#sthash.DLnLXqrD.dpuf

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