Ann Marie is a proud Marine wife and mother to her five month old son, Connor. She currently resides in California with her family. Below she shares some of her experiences as a military spouse as well as advice to others new to the military lifestyle.
How long have you been married and how did you meet your spouse? Do you have children? If so, what ages? Tell us about your journey through military life.
AM: I have been married to my husband, Matthew, for 4 years. We had our first child, Connor, 5 months ago during Matthew's most recent deployment to Afghanistan. I met my husband during our sophomore year in college, 9 years ago and our journey through military life began shortly after we graduated. I had no experience with military life and had no idea what to expect. My first taste of the Marine Corps was saying goodbye to my new husband for 10 weeks, only communicating through letters and if we were lucky a visit for a few hours on the weekend. After that period, more schools and separations, a move across country, and even more schools and training followed. I quickly learned that deployments were not the only time my Marine would be away. We make the most of our time together, no matter how much or how little we get. That experience has strengthened our marriage in many positive ways, mostly by giving us different ways to communicate and focusing on the quality of our time together rather than the quantity. But moving is never fun, especially when you move 5 times in 4 years; however, we make the most of these challenges by looking at the positive opportunities military life gives us – the chance to see new places and meet new people. We aren't sure how long we will get these opportunities so we do our best to embrace them. And if all else fails, we know each move is only temporary and we can always start over at the next duty station.
What’s the most rewarding (or your favorite) aspect of being a military wife? What is a challenge of being a military spouse?
AM:The most rewarding aspect of being a military wife is being able to help other spouses. Whether it’s comforting a spouse during her first deployment or helping a spouse by watching her children when she has to have surgery and her husband is in the field, there is always a chance to "pay it forward." Being away from family is one of the most difficult aspects of military life, but there is always another spouse who understands what you are going through and offering a helping hand. Friendships form quickly and you begin to rely on one another like family. You are never alone.
What has been your proudest moment as a military spouse?
AM:My proudest moment as a military spouse was when I welcomed my husband home during his last deployment to Afghanistan. Because our son was born while my husband was deployed, he was fortunate enough to come home a couple weeks earlier than the rest of his Marines. We decided we would welcome his Marines home together as a family. My proudest moment as a military wife was watching my husband's face when his Marines walked in formation on the day they returned safely from Afghanistan. The look in his eye said it all, he was proud to have led them in war and even prouder to be able to bring them all safely home to their families. I began to understand exactly why my husband became a Marine. It’s taking care of the brothers he has made along the way.
Tell us a little bit about your work life. If you are currently not working, please specify. For example, if you are a stay at home parent, describe that.
AM:Currently, I am a stay at home mom. I never thought I would be satisfied staying home but that quickly changed when my son was born. Deployments have forced me to face the reality that my loved ones can be taken from me at any second. I cherish the time I have with my family more than anything and being able to care for my son and my husband fulfills me more then I imagined. I would love to return to school one day and continue my education, but being a military wife is a full-time job. Whether it’s picking up his uniform at the dry cleaners or running to 10 different stores to find a specific canned soup for his care packages, my days are filled with more than just spit up and watching soap operas. My husband comes home at a different time each night; sometimes he leaves for a couple days and other times a couple months. I treasure the time we have together and make him a priority when he is home. In the past I have struggled with finding an employer who was flexible with this lifestyle. I want to be able to be home when my husband has a long weekend off or a special family event planned by his unit. It is very difficult to find a career that has a flexible schedule.
What plans do you have for the future? What kind of support does a military spouse need to accomplish his or her goals?
AM: One of the biggest lessons I have learned as a military spouse is that planning for the future is very difficult. You learn to be very flexible because sometimes you just have no control. The support a military spouse needs to accomplish their own personal goals would be a network of other military spouses. Whether it is face-to-face contact or just online resources, military spouses can offer each other first-hand experience and support in anything from education to employment to crock-pot recipes.
Do you have any tips for making friends or finding a support network after each move? What is something that people can do for military spouses within their community?
AM:Online social networks like Facebook have made it very easy for me to keep in touch with other spouses I have met along the way and also helped me meet new friends during each move. I think one of the biggest things people can do for the military in general is to just show their support. Whether it’s hanging an American flag outside your home or shaking a service member’s hand who is dressed in uniform, small gestures like those make the sacrifice and service worth it.
What is one thing about life as a military spouse you wish people knew about?
AM:Even when we act like we have it all together, sometimes we don't. Night time and the weekends are incredibly lonely when your spouse is away. My suggestion for anyone who has a friend that is a military spouse is to make a date with them, don't ask. Just do it. (Even if it's a weekly phone call.) Small gestures go a long way.
What piece of advice would you give to someone who is about to marry a military service member? What’s the best advice you were given?
AM:My advice is to be flexible. Your experience as a military spouse will be what you make it!!
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