A military spouse can move herself, her dogs, her kids, her job and her house across the country, all alone.
She can live in a state where she knows no one and nothing. She can start over every few years. She can join a new school board, a new family readiness group, a new cellphone network.
“It’s the little things, like having to get new curtains for each new house,” that sets a military spouse apart from her peers married to those out of the service, said Simone Velasquez Hoover, the executive director of the southeast branch of Operation Homefront, a non-profit that works for the betterment of military families.
But when times get tough, real tough, like when annual pay raises are slashed, housing costs increase and medical facilities are changed. Who do military families turn to?
But it’s the very unique nature of the military spouse that can make things so confusing when tough times come, Hoover said.
When a traditional support network is gone, a very young family can become very isolated and unsure where to seek help. It’s important to understand where to turn and who to turn to so a military spouse can advocate for themselves, said the team from Army Wife Network (AWN).
“Find an organization you trust to be your voice,” AWN said.
Blue Star Families, the Military Officers Association of America and the Association of the United States Army all work on a government level for families, AWN said. Individuals can also reach out, via phone call, e-mail, letter, and social media, to government representatives to let them know what dependents need and want.
For instance, Blue Star Families puts out a yearly Military Family Lifestyle Survey, which they present to the Department of Defense and U.S. Congress, when the results are tallied. Filling out the survey helps notify government officials of your needs and concerns, AWN said.
“Our right to vote is also an effective way to cause change,” the team said.
“In my experience, not all dependents advocate for themselves,” said Emily Grace, AWN expert editor and graphic designer. “I think there is a lingering misconception that being your own advocate means going out with an air horn and being the loudest voice in the room, or that it might negatively affect your spouse’s career. The trick is knowing when to speak up and when to let it go. Not everything is a cause, so picking your battles is key. Want to get involved? Get out of your bubble and put yourself out there.”
Grace said to decide what matters to you and see where you can affect change, “Even on the smallest level.”
Hoover and Operation Homefront are one such organization that relies on volunteers in the military community to tell them what needs exist and where they exist at.
“We always try to keep an ear to the ground. If there’s a military installation in the community, we reach out to the service members and the family support networks,” Hoover said.
There are more than 900 non-profits who work with the military, she said, and “no one organization can do it all. Like all of us, they all have different talents and skill sets.”
Navigating organizations and sources of information can be difficult.
“No one place can you go and get all the answers,” Hoover said. “All of it is constantly changing.”
Some sources that are big clearinghouses, like Military OneSource, are a good place to start, Hoover and the AWN team agree. The Military Times and military installation Web sites are also good places to get “official” information.
Army Wife Network also runs a Resource Database, where all resources have been approved and organized by the team, they said.
“Of course, doing what we do, we [also] keep an eye on all the social sites…just to have a finger on the pulse of what spouses are out there discussing, but if you want a go-to resource, the social sites aren’t always the best source,” AWN said.
AWN likes National Public Radio when they are looking for accurate information from a non-military site.
Still, one of the best resources can be yourself, AWN said.
“Stay educated and up-to-date on what is happening within our larger community and government,” AWN said.
“I have been involved in many advocacy efforts championed by Blue Star Families, and I’ve seen progress made in making our voice known to leaders,” said Janet McIntosh, the social media coordinator and experience editor for AWN.
Education can also improve your personal adversities, Hoover said.
“If you know you have a problem, seek professional advice,” she said.
Attorneys and accountants, for instance, often have “robust” volunteer programs through their member associations, where they volunteer their time to help military families who need their services but can’t afford them.
And don’t be afraid to use the resources out there, said Tara Crooks, AWN founder.
“Educate yourself on what is out there, and use those resources that best help you and your family,” she said.
Because if military families aren’t using them, they “risk losing them,” she added.
It’s also important to get involved in the family support and family readiness groups most military installations boast, AWN and Hoover agreed. Your experience and expertise can often help others.
“You absolutely can immerse yourself in the online milspouse world and see spouses making a difference every day. You can also just volunteer at your local installation and see the incredible volunteers making a difference,” Crooks said.
Crooks said even the simple change you can effect by bringing a family some food will make a bigger difference than you think.
“When a spouse thanks you for providing them with resources they didn’t know they had and how have made their lives a bit easier, that is an incredible experience, and one that will never leave me,” said AWN’s McIntosh. “I have a passion for helping spouses and providing them with the tools to empower them and assist them in creating the best life they can while their family is serving our country.”
“Military spouses are amazing,” Crooks said. “The amount of work they put into their own community with their many talents is inspiring, to say the least.”
