Salute to Spouses Blog

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Homefront Spouse: Play dates: Moms benefit too

Before I was a mom, I thought a stay at home mom’s day was full of play dates and happy hours (I was clueless and watched a lot of reality shows). How fun did that sound?

Reality hit me hard when I had my first baby. I was lucky if I showered before 9 p.m. every other day - let alone leave the house with a newborn for the first four months. He was up all night and slept all day.  And honestly, what could a newborn do on a play date?

I barely left the house the first few months. I felt like everyone in my neighborhood had older kids and could meet at the park or cul de sac to hang out together. Here I was a new mom, new to the neighborhood with a deployed hubby and all alone. 

I admit I was not the most social person and definitely struggled to have a positive attitude. Now looking back on it, I may have battled some mild baby blues and got sucked into my own little pity party.  Once my husband returned home from Afghanistan, I began to talk about my feelings and felt better. The older my son got, the easier things became - or maybe I just adjusted to the whole not sleeping thing finally. We ventured out of the house more and even joined a mommy group with babies the same age as mine and it was a life saver.  The busier we were, the better I felt!

So with this move and pregnancy, my husband and I agreed I needed to do the same - just get out there, join things and be social. I had every reason to be bitter - super pregnant, crazy toddler with four sets of stairs, no yard, 115 degree weather and an overworked husband. But I knew that would not do any good. So I was determined to jump right into things and be more social even though I really wanted to stay inside and pout.

We moved into our new neighborhood and within our first week here, everyone moved out of the surrounding houses. I am not exaggerating! Summertime is the busiest moving time for military families so although everyone was moving out, I knew eventually, families would begin to move in as well. Unfortunately that did not happen right away. I had to look further than my front porch to make friends.

Since we didn’t have a yard, we spent a lot of time taking walks to the park and pool on base. Lucky for me my almost 2-year-old is extremely talkative and social, which made it pretty easy to start conversations with other moms.  And an 8-months pregnant woman chasing a 2-year-old in 100 degree heat is hard to not feel sorry for so I received many questions about my due date, how I was feeling and if we were new to the area.

The great thing about other military spouses is that someone has always walked in your shoes and understands what you’re going through. It’s almost like an unspoken bond. They sympathize. Whether it was being at an uncomfortable stage with my pregnancy or having two babies so close together, I met so many other women who understood what I was going through and offered advice. It was much easier than I thought and I am so grateful there are so many wonderful families on our base.

Now that we have some new friends and have started to fill our days with story time, gymnastics and play dates I can definitely say that getting out and being busy is the way to survive with two kids under the age of two. If we don’t get out of the house, the day drags on and things happen: like my son using my husband’s toothbrush to wash the toilet.

Although the homebody in me wouldn’t mind vegging out on the couch a bit more, that’s just not an option as a mom of two (or more).  It may take us an hour to actually get out of the house, but staying busy and connecting with new friends is definitely a great way to transition into a new duty station.

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