It is officially the most wonderful time of the year. At least that's what the song tells us.

But for a lot of us, it can be sort of a scary and / or dark time of the year. I’ve written a lot about how to combat sadness, loneliness and any other frustrations deployment brings. What happens when those feeling are made to feel bigger by the holidays? What then?

I am not a therapist, but I can tell you what seems to work for me.

1. Reminding myself, I can't do it all. No matter how much I want to. I can't make Christmas without him be the same as Christmas with him. All I can do is my best without driving my loved ones crazy and my best is good enough!
2. Planning time for myself. Sometimes I don't count the time that the kids are in school, because that is when I have to do the household bidding. Time for myself is getting a sitter (or utilizing free childcare) and planning some fun with my girlfriends or a trip to Target in which I don't have to look at toys or video games. Budgets can be tight this time of year so plan according to your budget.
3. Keeping with my budget. Speaking of budgets, don’t forget yours! We all know that the "perk" (if there is one) to a deployment is a little extra income, but we still need to budget for Christmas. I have three kids. They have teachers, paraprofessionals, bus drivers and aides, and then there are my besties who listen to me whine all the time. They certainly deserve something special. So do our families who deserve something extra special this year because our sweet soldier is gone. Do you see how this can go south quickly? You don't want to have too much month at the end of your money!
4. Set myself up for success. To stay sane during the holidays I try to set myself up for success as much as possible. For example, I set small decorating goals. Once those are met, I tackle the gifts. Once that is completed, I work on the menu for the big day. If you include friends who aren't going home for the holidays you can do half the cooking and have twice the fun. Make sure we all get plenty of rest and eat properly.

There is another side to this coin. What if your sweet soldier is coming home for the holidays (R&R or redeployment)? The stress of that is enough to drive us all to the Class VI for an adult beverage!

Remember, your soldier is not going to remember which decorations you did or did not set up. Your sweet soldier is going to be glad to be home with you and the family. Keep telling yourself that it does not have to be perfect – even if it’s a difficult pill to swallow!

Remember when I wrote about getting from "water point to water point?” This is a great time to exercise that skill! Remember to set small goals, or water points, and celebrate when you get there! Keep breathing. This is the most difficult time of the year for a lot of people who are not under deployment stress. Give yourself a break! You are doing a great job and we are almost to the end!

Strength and Courage ... sby