We knew this day was coming, but now, it is here.

The sitter was at the house at 5:30 in the morning and I had hoped that the kids wouldn't wake up. They had said their goodbyes before bed the night before.

But the oldest sweet boy was awake and as he clutched his father for the last time (at least for a little while), I could feel my little boy's heart break. My sweet soldier reassured him that this really was "see you soon," and he and I were off to the airport.

I feel like my civilian friends often wonder what my sweet soldier and I talk about in this situation.

During the 30-minute ride to the airport we talked about how much deployments had changed. We talked about how much easier it was to say, "See you soon," back when the kids didn't fully understand what was happening. We talked about potty training that youngest sweet boy. It was a fairly standard conversation for us.

I took a deep breath as I pulled into the "kiss and go" lane at the airport. I generally do not go into the airport with him. That is the way we do things and everyone does it differently.

He pulled his bags out of the back of my Suburban and I held him tight. I am going to be honest. It does not matter how soon I will see him again. I still hug him like it will be the last time. I still look in his eyes like it will be the last time. I still tell him "I love you" like it is the last sentence he will ever hear me utter. It may sound crazy, but my sisters in arms know what I mean.

The airport in our town is small, so I could see him through the building windows. I waited for his text. He was good to go through security.

I pulled away from the curb as I have done many times before. I plugged in my phone to listen to my music and I felt the one (or two) tears fall. As I made my way home in the dark, I realized that as much as I love this life, sometimes, I just can't stand it.

I opened the door to the house. I loved on my kids. I began to put away the remnants of Christmas and I readied myself for the downward slope of this deployment.

Strength and Courage ... sby