Salute to Spouses Blog

We're excited to be blogging about the latest topics in military life. We want to keep you informed on topics such as current events, education, career advice, etc. Feel free to post comments or questions to any of our entries.
All I want for Christmas Is

My birthday is 10 days before Christmas.

I am routinely and firmly a member of the December Birthday Club, where people try to pass off one gift for two separate occasions, or where people just forget to even celebrate it, amid all the other holiday hustle and bustle.

This has worked well for me as an adult, though, because it sets pretty low expectations for the day.  Heck, this year I spent my birthday grocery shopping, taking my oldest to afternoon piano lessons, and letting my kids watch all the Christmas movies while I snuck into my room to eat my vegan carrot-cake cupcake alone and in peace.

And that was after the 79 Facebook notifications where people had lovingly wished me a good one; without those, I may very well have forgotten it myself.

I didn’t hear from my husband that day; I didn’t expect to.  I didn’t get a present or a bouquet in the mail.  I didn’t expect to.  Has he sent things for the holidays and special occasions before?  He has, indeed.

In fact, he sent a gorgeous bouquet for Thanksgiving just last month.

But he is, without a doubt, woefully inconsistent about making sure little things show up on the right occasion.

The good news is, he’s notorious for sending me little gifts and flowers and notes for no reason at all. So, I’ll keep him.

I know I won’t have a Christmas gift this year.  I’m OK with it. 

So I was a little shocked when, a few days ago, I was driving around with all three kids in the car, looking at Christmas lights after a late Saturday dinner, when my oldest, just 4.5 years old, asked me, “Hey, Mom. What do you want for Christmas?”

I had no idea what to say to her.  I didn’t know how to explain I had settled on “Nothing” long ago.

Honestly, it was the first time anyone had asked me that in a long time, other than my mother, who specifically asks for the name, brand, price and location of a cast-iron pot I mentioned once, so, on Christmas morning, there is no real surprise.


It also wasn’t the fact that I didn’t know what I wanted.  It was just that I wasn’t sure how to place that burden on her.

So I lied.  I told her, “I need some new shoes, I think.”  And then I changed the subject.

I didn’t want to tell her that all I wanted for Christmas was her father.  That for all three Christmases he had been deployed, all I ever wanted was her father.

That doing the holiday thing without him was an act, a charade, a forced action to keep my kids joyous and celebratory and engaged in the season.

There is beauty in every holiday, whether he’s gone or not.  But there is an inherent sadness celebrating anything when he’s not home.

So, while this holiday will be filled with more memories we store away – memories we will tell him later – it will never be my favorite.  It will never have a story.

It will always be a “That was one of the Christmases you were gone, I think.”

So we hope and pray for next year.  For him to be home and happy with us.  So we can make a memory we talk about forever. 

So that Christmas stands a chance as the best Christmas ever.

$6,000 SCHOLARSHIP
For Military Spouses
Apply for the Salute to Spouses scholarship today and begin your education! You’ll be on the way to your dream career.
BLOG CATEGORIES
MONTHLY ARCHIVES

Salute to Spouses Scholarship Recipients

© 2013 SALUTE TO SPOUSES ALL RIGHTS RESERVED