Right after Thanksgiving, the story broke.

Women officers were filmed in submarine showers without their consent, and the videos were distributed.  In Kings Bay, Ga.

We live there.  My husband is a submariner.  While that story didn’t personally affect my husband or the submarine he’s stationed on, it hit all too close to home.

Our community was, understandably, up in arms.  And, less understandably, at each other’s throats.

The message boards lit up.  Facebook statuses were ablaze.  People were all over the Internet and whispering behind hands.

It made it all the more upsetting.

A lot of people scoffed at it.  Fell back onto the support of the old boy’s club line, “Well, what did they expect?”

But some people went so far as to say “They had it coming,” or that “I’m not surprised.  Women shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”

Many conversations devolved into the ever-present fight about whether females should be serving on submarines at all. 

I found it all shameful.

The conversation shouldn’t have been about where women should or shouldn’t be.  The fact is, the women were there, serving their country, and fell prey to a sexual crime in their place of work.

No one ever asks for sexual harassment, which is why the rest of the surrounding conversation just sounded like victim-blaming to me.  And it broke my heart.

The Navy will punish the perpetrators how they see fit.  I can’t do anything but hope and pray they are punished strictly and used as an example to discourage others from committing such heinous acts against their shipmates.

But to see women dismissing what happened to others of their same gender – some going as far as to blame them – seemed traitorous.

No one deserves to be a victim of sexual violence.  Men are capable of honoring the civil rights of others; “boys will be boys” is never an excuse for the abuse of others.  The victims didn’t ask for this, and the thought that it was somehow inevitable is offensive.

These women are other peoples’ wives, daughters, sisters, and friends.  And their own community was too busy scoffing that it took this long for it to happen.

This tiny little Navy town we live in has so much good.  It’s filled with military families that sacrifice a lot.

But this national story tainted this place for me.  I can only imagine what others thought, especially those who don’t live here.

Shameful.  Shameful and sad.

So here’s to hoping the victims heal, and the community can put aside their disagreement over this to support them.
 
All of us are better than this.