Salute to Spouses Blog

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Congrats! You’re a Military Spouse, Now What?

By Jenna Moede

I remember packing up the minivan that my parents gave me for college and driving out to meet my fiancé for our courthouse wedding.  I had this really pretty picture in my head about how easy married military life would be. 

Coming from a family with many service members, I thought I knew what to expect. But, I’ve dealt with a few twists along the way to my perfect picture.

Expect imperfections 

I expected to move into a great house on base with absolutely no problems. Reality hit the day my door wouldn’t open and my window fell out of place.   

Housing had built the house 30 years prior in a neighborhood we affectionately called Cardboard Heights.  I had expected perfection, but instead, I had to opportunity to learn patience and how to jerry rig almost anything.

It took time, but I realized success, even in the military, comes from hard work just like everything else.  My husband had to dedicate his time to his flight and his job.  With his success came many benefits, but while he spent his time working hard, I started doing everything in my power to make my perfect picture our reality.

Focus on More than the Military 

When we were first married, I let my husband’s schedule dictate everything I did: my job, meet ups with friends and the classes all revolved around his unpredictable military schedule. 

And, I thought we had to spend every second together since we never knew when he would have to leave for a long time. 

After about a year of planning my days and weeks around his, I figured out that making plans that revolve around the military would never work.  Even though the time we spent together was valuable, I had to live my own life too.

I understand now that I can make plans without always taking his hectic work schedule into account. It’s great to make plans together, but sometimes our plans don’t mesh and it’s a relief to know that it’s okay!   

Maintain Personal Interests

It’s so easy to get caught up in the military life and feel like you don’t have any time to do things for yourself.  Unfortunately, that type of thinking made me feel lost. 

Eventually I became involved in things I enjoy. I could only make that leap after I stopped letting the military schedule control my personal schedule.

I started coaching a soccer team, studying harder, and getting out on my own.  I also tried new things that interested me, and I developed new hobbies.  

Discovering what made me happy and what motivated me to get up every morning boosted my mood and attitude.  Maintaining my personal interests made me a better spouse, employee and friend.

 

Pursue Education

I think that everyone has something that makes them tick.  For me, English and education give me incentive to keep working hard to meet my goals.  Lucky for me, I can use both of them.

College doesn’t interest everyone, but for some, it’s something they want to pursue. They just don’t know how.  I have talked to so many spouses that want to push themselves to start or finish their education, but they continually put it off. 

When I first got married, I thought about postponing the last few classes of my education.  I figured it wouldn’t hurt because military families moved too much and employers didn’t want a person that could leave at any time. 

I’m so glad I decided to finish my education without a break.  I found that employers really didn’t care that my husband was in the military.  They wanted to see what I could offer their business at that moment. 

I gained so much confidence and I grew so much as person all because of the doors opened to me by my education.  If you forget the reasons that are standing in the way and pursue your interests, there will be so many more opportunities.  

Enjoy the Community

I really felt uprooted after being a part of a college community that felt like home.  After the excitement of moving wore off, I felt miserable in Wyoming.  I did not even begin to feel comfortable until I started really getting involved.

Because I had the education to land a job I loved, I met businesspeople and friends with no military affiliation.  The people I met through work told me about activities and community events, and they also really helped me network. 

Once I really began engaging with the local people and events, I found that I really did belong in this community.  I figured out that fitting in is about putting myself out there.  

I wish I had known these five things from the start of my marriage, but getting a little lost gave me that knowledge. Remembering that I’m more than a military spouse drives me to keep pursuing my goals. 

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