I did it! I completed 26.2 miles! Some of it was not pretty, but it is finished and in the record books! It was somewhere between mile 20 and 26 (they all sort of blend together in my memory) that I saw someone standing in the crowd with a sign that read, "Hey Stranger! I'm proud of you!" It almost stopped me dead in my tracks.

Before an event like a marathon, there are people who tell you that "you can do it.” After the event I received a lot of "I knew you could do it." But really, I need what we all need. I want someone to be proud of me and say it out loud.

Conquering the 38th Marine Corps Marathon in October was a big deal. There were the miles! Did I mention there were 26? There was the crowd. Did I mention there were 36,000 runners? There was the .2 to the finish line. Did I mention it was uphill? Only Marines would figure out how to make that happen!

Then somewhere between mile 20 and 26, there she was. The young girl in me who wanted to be a runner like her dad and older brother, but she couldn't even run a mile. This girl who had been looking for a way to avenge a defeat that happened many, many years ago is going to complete not just one but 26.2 miles, but no one was there to see it. My family was at home. I was running alone.

Then I saw the sign, "Hey Stranger! I'm proud of you!" In my mind, it might as well have said, "Hey Sarah! I'm proud of you!" In the middle of this race - that seemed never-ending to this first-time marathoner - someone was proud of me. I could feel myself let go of that little girl who couldn't run a mile, but when she passed the mile 26 marker and saw the uphill climb to the finish, she got scared.

Lucky for me, the team trainer for Team Fisher House, Stacy, was at the bottom of that hill, and as long as I live, I will never forget what she did for me. I don't know why she chose me (maybe it was the pain in my face), but she ran that last hill with me. In all honesty, I don't remember what she said. What I remember is that she looked into my eyes and kept me focused. She kept talking until we reached the top of the hill, and she said, "You've got this!"

I looked and there was the finish line! I tell you, sweet friends, I broke into a sprint and crossed the finish line! It was over! Just like that, 5 hours and 30 minutes had passed. Now, it was time to get back to my life and I had to be home the next day before the school bus came.

There, I am a part-time library clerk. I work five days per week from noon to 4 p.m. I chose this job because it was, and is, perfect for my training schedule. However, I haven't worked anywhere except in my home in 10 years and I haven't punched a time clock in (gulp) 20 years.

My job is not overly stressful nor is it physically demanding. What my job can be is very chaotic. In the afternoons, the kindergarten classes may come through our library together as a class or as just a few kids at a time. We also have first and second graders who filter in and out all afternoon. That being said, after about the eighth iteration of "Mrs. Young, I can't find a book" or "I need an AR book that is exactly a 2.5," I can't even deal with my own kids. But my want to help our family get out of our small amount of debt and do something that helps my kids' school is greater than my need for spare time.

I had no idea what working four hours every day would do to my life, and as I begin my third month of employment, I confess that I still have trouble getting everything else in my life done. The two older kids ride home with me in the afternoons and we usually just get home in time to meet the third one's bus. On Mondays and Tuesdays we have activities beginning at 6 p.m. so it is a given that those are "chicken nugget" nights. You know those nights. I know you do!

But what I didn't count on with this job was the level of sheer exhaustion that comes with most days. It is difficult to get motivated to prepare a healthy meal and help the kids get homework done, but this is where I need to "suck it up" and remember my training.

I completed most of my training runs alone, and in those moments of frustration, impatience and lack of any will to go on, I learned to talk myself "off the ledge.” I have to remember to hold myself accountable to being a mother first and an employee second. I have to remember to let go of work frustrations and to give my family the best of me even at five o'clock in the afternoon!

It’s another run uphill. And, I got this!

Be your own inspiration … SBY

I’m seriously losing my mind. Between my career, my house, four boys in hockey and our new Little Miss, well … things are slipping. Forget that. Things have slipped more than bald tires in a Fort Drum winter. 

While at hockey, because I’m pretty sure we live at the rink right now, I started talking with another mom who happens to also be in our unit. While we laughed about the things going awry in our eighth months of deployment, she said, “I’m so glad I’m not the only one.” 

Let me tell you, ladies, you’re not the only one. 

If your spouse is deployed, and you’re having a hard time, I promise – you are in great company.  We’re all struggling in some way or another, trying to fill this void in our lives that’s been left empty since our spouses have been gone. But we’re also walking this fine edge of balance, trying to keep that void a little empty so our soldiers can fit back in when they get home. We walk this edge, dance, trip, and stumble over it. The journey can be maddening. 

So just because you think Spouse A has it all together, perfectly-dressed kiddos, immaculate house, well-balanced emotions, well, that doesn’t mean she does. Chances are if you open up about what you’re having a hard time with, she will too. I’ve been a military spouse for a dozen years and have yet to find a spouse who doesn’t struggle during a deployment. I’ve always heard that there is strength in numbers, and that sentiment couldn’t be more true for military spouses. When we share our battles, we also share our methods to overcome them. 

After being at war for more than a decade, chances are, whatever you’re struggling with has been conquered before, maybe even by someone you know. You’re not the only one who’s ready to slip her kids into straightjackets to keep them from hitting one another, or struggling with a term paper and a crying baby. Others have been there, are there, will be there. You’re not alone, and sometimes knowing that makes all the difference. 

As cheesy as it sounds, we’re all in this together, living the same experience. We have each other for support and understanding, because no one can empathize with what you’re going through quite as well as another military spouse. 

And remember, you’re not the only one struggling through the holidays. You’re not the only one ready to scream about the insanity a deployment brings or the only one to get kicked by the pesky deployment gnome. There are others, and we’re here, ready to tell you that we’re battling too. Because when we can stand up together, and admit where we’re falling short, we can help one another fill those gaps, and say the one thing we all need to hear: it’s going to be okay. This deployment will end.

So you, struggling over there with the dirty dishes in the sink, and the fighting kids and the “change me” oil-light on in the car, just in case you can’t find another spouse to open up to, I’m sending you a giant cyber hug to tell you’re not alone, and you’re going to be okay. We all are.

Follow Rebecca at http://theonlygirlamongboys.blogspot.com

My husband repeats, almost daily, “Children are resilient.”

I know that’s the general consensus among military families but for the moment, those words are not so reassuring.

Only two of my five children are old enough to really remember our life back on the mainland. There, well-raised southern children say ma’am and sir. School lasts until nearly 3 p.m. and after-school hours are dedicated to activities and homework. They know what fall looks like. They remember the feel of winter’s cold. They’ve touched snow.

After nearly four years in Hawaii, my children are chilled by evening temperatures that dip to 81 degrees. Everyone here is addressed as auntie or uncle. We can’t seem to keep track of shoes because frankly, they don’t wear them or need them. School ends at lunchtime and afterwards, we head to the beach.

Now that we are heading into our last days on the island, and have moved into a hotel, they ask every evening to go home. They cry when I tell them we are sleeping in the hotel instead. They want to go back to our military quarters, their Hawaiian house, they say.

When I remind them of how much fun it will be to go “home,” back to the mainland, they whisper through their tears, ‘I am home.’

This breaks my heart.

I’ve enjoyed our tour in Hawaii. It is beautiful. We’ve had lots of fantastic experiences and my friends currently battling winter winds call me crazy for deciding to leave. Sure, I could spend a lifetime here but I would do so knowing that I never quite fit in. This is not where I belong.

But what about my kids? What if it is where they belong? What if I am stripping them not just from their current home but from the place that they feel most connected to in their soul?

This thought keeps me up at night.

My husband tells me they are resilient. That they will find their footing back on the mainland and feel at home in no time. I am sure he is right. I am sure that they will make friends, join activities and have great adventures.

But what happens when they realize that no matter how lovely that place is, they just don’t feel like they belong? That they left that place decades ago as a small child with only memories of the lovely, wafting, scent of plumeria blossoms, salty seas and tradewind breezes.

I love that my children are citizens of the world and have had the chance to travel and experience new cultures. But I always fear that someday we will leave behind that one place that they consider their own. I know what it is like to feel like an outsider; to love a place but not quite fit in. I hope that our gypsy-like, military life never leaves them with that feeling.

Resilient, yes they are. But that doesn’t mean they are without an aching for home – wherever that may be.

You know, this whole working thing kinda stinks. Don't get me wrong! I love my job. My co-workers are great! We have so much fun in our library! If you are connected to me on Twitter or Facebook, you would have seen a picture or two of me planking in our library.

What you should know is that when I last worked, 11 years ago, I was a salaried employee. I had vacation days and sick days. If I needed to be away from my office, I just let my boss know and set up my "out of office" reply on my email and voicemail. It was just that simple.

With this job, it's not that simple.

I am a part-time librarian at the local elementary school. I have set hours there and flexing my job around life (sick days and such) is not easy. 

I was thrilled to find this job. It was just the right hours to accommodate my marathon training, and when I told them of the days off I would need around the marathon, they were un-phased.

I should tell you that when I need to be absent from work, a substitute has to be found. So having had a sub work for me on Monday, I had some heartburn about asking for someone to work on Friday when I had to go to sweet soldier's awards ceremony. Then I really had heartburn when I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle so badly that I had to go to the clinic. The problem was that the earliest appointment I could get was at 1 p.m. I arrive for work at noon.

I guess it all goes back to being able to ask for help. I'm not very good at that. My friends and family know that if I have gotten to the point that I am asking for help, things have gone completely sideways. But I am learning. These ladies that work with me are amazing and fun, and they have never made me feel badly about asking for time away.

It’s a new experience and a new chapter. And what’s not to love about the library!

Be inspired to be an inspired spouse!  SBY

I have to admit I have been struggling a little bit in the friend/social/military spouse involvement department here. Between the regular craziness of being a mom, my workouts (AKA my therapy) and volunteering two to three mornings a week, I have not been as outgoing or as social as I would like to be. In fact, I almost feel completely out of touch with military life. I realized this over the weekend when we attended my husband’s USMC Birthday Ball for his battalion.

In the past, I have looked forward to a night on the town with my Marine in his dress blues. We have always had a great time making memories with our friends in the unit as we celebrate the Marine Corps. The ceremony reminds me how special it is to be apart of this unique military community.  

This year as our ball approached, I really found myself struggling to get excitement to attend. I had a unique opportunity to dress up and have a kid-free night with my husband - and I dreaded it. I saw my other Marine Corps friends posting and sharing pictures of themselves at their own birthday ball celebrations, looking like they were having a great time. Why was I struggling to bring myself to go this year?

We have been at our “new” family for about six months and things here just don’t feel the same as previous duty stations. Initially when we came here, I tried to jump right in and make new friends, but I admit I have a problem committing to plans. For whatever the reason, I am not one to initiate social get-togethers. I always try to attend when an invitation is extended to me but I am not always the best at following through.

I also was fortunate enough to have friends here from our last duty station but somehow I pushed myself away from them. The days go by fast and I lost touch.  We also live about 45 minutes from our base, which makes it more challenging to be as active as I would like to be. And, having two active boys is exhausting. Sometimes I just can’t wait until nap time. Or bedtime. I cherish my “me time”.

I have friends - lots of them all over the country whom I miss terribly. Why can’t we just all be together again? Don’t get me wrong, I have met wonderful people here, both in and out of our battalion, and I can see myself being friends with lots of them.

But at this time, I haven’t found a group where I belong. I feel like an outsider.  And with the big party approaching, being an outsider is no fun. Instead of a night out with girlfriends, I felt like I would be following my husband around as his shadow, not knowing anyone, which is not like me.

I am not really sure what happened during the week but I made an active decision to stop having a pity party for myself. Just because I do not see friends on a regular basis does not mean I do not have friends!  I have said it many times in my writings here and have learned this lesson over and over many times during my experience as a military spouse: military life is what you make it.

I still have a lot of time left here to make deeper connections and memories with our new military family. And the Marine Corps Birthday Ball is about more than getting together with girlfriends and giggling on the dance floor. It was an opportunity to meet the people my husband works with and spends a lot of time with. It was a night to honor those Marines who have sacrificed their lives for our freedom.

And it was also not “my” night. It was my husband’s. My Marine. All the Marines. His night to bond with his fellow brothers and celebrate a happy occasion of being together on this one night. The bigger picture became so much clearer. This was not just about me!

After the dreading, we ended up having a fun night. I was reminded that I really would like to be better friends with many of the women I have met in the past few months and I would have fun with them! I must admit, this ball wasn’t like previous years but my husband and I may never have that type of experience again. We had very unique friendships at that time and I am very fortunate for those.

We may never all be in the same place and time together again but that doesn’t mean we all cannot continue to make new friendships. In this lifestyle, you have to keep growing and creating new relationships and making new friends. If not, it can be a very isolating and a lonely, long time at your duty station.  I still have a lot of time to grow these new friendships and work on my old ones – I just have to learn to make time. Friendships, like marriages, take work on both sides. I am hoping I can work on that!

If you haven’t been paying attention to the cuts being proposed to slash the federal deficit, now is a good time to tune in.

Benefits for military retirees are on the cutting block and they will affect all retirees, including currently retired folks, not just those who retire in future years.

The Army Times reported last week that the Congressional Budget Office has proposed 103 points to reduce the deficit. Among those are controversial cuts to the military. While the office puts together this report every two years, and usually the suggestions are pushed aside, this year, money has to be cut. These options, while highly unpopular among constituents, would slice huge chunks of spending off the federal budget.

Their suggestions:

• Cap military raises at 0.5 percent less than average private-sector increases beginning January 2015. The cap would remain in effect through 2023, saving the government $24.9 billion.
• Current retirement pay is calculated, in part, on the averageh basic pay over a service member’s three highest earning years in uniform. The CBO suggests calculating it based on five years of pay would save the government $2.1 billion and lower the lifetime value of military retired pay by 3 percent. That effect is suggested to take place with military members who retire on Jan. 1, 2015 and after.
• The CBO also suggested taking away concurrent pay from all current veterans. The pay allows disabled military retirees to receive full military retired pay and veterans’ disability. The move would slash monthly income for 420,000 veterans and save the government $108 billion over 10 years.
• The government could save another $15.3 billion over ten years if veterans were labeled as ineligible for unemployment pay from Social Security because of combat injuries. Currently veterans whose disabilities are rated between 60 and 90 percent may be eligible for unemployment benefits. CBO suggests making them ineligible for this benefit until they reach age 65.
• Finally, CBO suggests making retirees under age 65, and their families, ineligible for Tricare Prime healthcare coverage until they are age 65, a move that would save the government $75.4 billion over 10 years. The department also suggests raising Tricare for Life fees for older veterans (age 65 and above) which will save $21 billion over 10 years.

There is no doubt that our government deficit is out of control. Every dollar spent is being scrutinized. But some of the suggestions above are about more than cutting the bottom line, they will affect the quality of life for our nation’s injured veterans.

Many of these moves will leave veterans and their families without health insurance or income. The most injured veterans, those who have lost limbs in combat or suffered other serious injuries, will have their monthly incomes cut by more than half. If they cannot work, what will happen to them and their families?

Now is the time to let Washington know that these types of sweeping cuts are unacceptable. We as a nation cannot turn our backs on veterans and leave them without the healthcare or stipends they were promised when they enlisted and gave their lives over to the service of the nation.

Call your congressman. Let them know service members and their families are paying attention and we don’t like the negotiations we are seeing.

On the first day of Christmas my cubicle-mate gave to me, a box of yummy candy and then throughout the day proceeded to eat the entire thing.

The holidays are upon us and with it comes my absolute, least favorite tradition: attempting to buy appropriate gifts for our coworkers. In this group I lump teachers, neighbors, business associates – anyone you want to show some love to but don’t really know well enough to get them something they really want.

This is the most un-wonderful task of the year.

I want to gift these people with something because I really do appreciate them. Without my children’s teachers, I would have lost sanity by now. Without the secretaries in the school office, there is no way I could have kept track of two sets of IEPs for two kids. Without my neighbors this latest PCS move would surely have been a nightmare. And without my coworkers the daily grind would not be nearly as much fun.

But what to get them? If I go over the top, it feels a little funny and my wallet probably can’t handle big time gifts for everyone on my list.

If I give too little, I personally, feel like I’m being cheap or just giving a gift to check the box, so to speak. I want them to know I’m giving it because I want to; because I appreciate them. Because I like them. Not just because it’s the holidays and every add on TV, radio and the newspaper says I should.

For my son’s teacher last year, I felt like that wonderful woman deserved either a medal or a giant bottle of rum. Both were probably inappropriate. So in addition to whatever knickknack I found that he insisted that she would love, I wrote her a letter.

I told her how much her help and dedication meant to me. I wrote in long form what a difference she made not just in his life, but in our family’s.

Turns out, that was the best Christmas gift she received that year.

We hear often how we should tell those we love that we love them. But I say, do the same for people you are with every day, who you work with, who work with your children, who impact your life in some way, even a small way. Tell them that they make it better. Tell them that the exhausting, mundane things they do every day, make all the difference in the world.

Tis the season for giving. Give your love, appreciation and words of kindness, for this is the best gift of all.  

Last week the DOD quietly began a study to determine whether DoDEA schools in the continental United States should continue to operate. 

Prepare for military parents everywhere to squarely place themselves in the stay or go category. This, my friends, is a fight that seems to know no compromise. 

My children have never attended a DoDEA school. In North Carolina and Florida, we lived off-base and attended school locally. I personally never saw a problem with attending non-military schools. I have friends who never saw the point in attending anything but a DoD-run school. 

When we PCS’d to Hawaii, our pre-move jitters included worries about attending local schools. Our email inbox was filled with rumored horror stories of the archaic curriculum, bullying of non-local kids and lax attitude that would create havoc on our kids’ academic careers. 

Like most rumors, most of the horror stories we were told were just that, stories. While I am annoyed by how few hours the kids here attend school each day, just four hours on certain days of the week, I think the teachers and staff here are doing the best they can with what they have to work with – just like any local school. 

When we arrived, the Army in Hawaii was in the process of conducting its own assessment: do military kids here need DoDEA schools? The final answer was no. It was cost prohibitive and the local schools could handle the job.  

Still, parents demanded a recount and touted the benefits of military schools run by the military, for the military. Many of their arguments, seemed to me, to be dredged from the same rumors we heard before we arrived in the district. 

Nationally, a 2003 study that examined the need for DoDEA schools stateside urged officials to dump a handful of some of the schools and send students out into the local school districts. Costs stopped any changes and the on-base schools continued to operate. Officials said this time students, teachers and parents will be contacted at random to participate in the study. 

And if they call me, here is what I will say: according to officials, 85 percent of military kids already attend school off-base. Yes, PCSing is a pain and searching for a school adds just one more thing to our to-do list but really, what is the big deal? Any responsible parent should be researching their child’s new school regardless of whether it is DoDEA operated or not. If you are not happy with the school in your district, you have the option to move off base and rent elsewhere. 

Yes, I know for some of you those are fighting words. 

Military kids go through a lot: multiple PCS, deployments, war time injuries. Do they deserve a few perks? Yes. But what I also know through watching my own children and their friends is that children are resilient. Framed with the right attitude from parents, moving to a new school is a fun adventure with new challenges and new opportunities. 

Finding the right house to rent in the right school district every time we PCS is going to be a pain. But part of being a parent is finding the school that is the right fit for your child. This is not the military’s job, it is ours. 

And personally, with the current budget crisis and the need to shave several million dollars off the defense budget, I would prefer that those cuts be made to schools that only a small percentage of military children have access to, rather than after-school programs and special events that all military children can take advantage of. 

The phone calls are coming. Decisions will be made. What will you tell them?

Our village is putting up Christmas lights on the lampposts, and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.  Most years, this gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling.  This year it’s just a reminder that Jason won’t be home. 

While I am trying hard to get into the holiday spirit of things, I can’t help but want to haul my Christmas tree away - Grinch-style - and skip the holiday. But you see, I have these little people whose eyes light up at the mention of Christmas, so skipping isn’t really an option. The holidays are our last big hurdle before redeployment. It’s time to suck it up and get all merry and bright … or something. 

This is by no means our first separated Christmas and I hope we’ve learned some things along the way to help us through. Here is what I have learned about spending holidays deployed.

1. Spread out the shopping: Once the boys’ letters to Santa are done (and mama is done cringing), I send the list to their dad. We both hit the internet and try to locate the least expensive way to give all six of our kiddos the best Christmas possible. Involving Jason in the process keeps him connected and mentally invested in the kids’ Christmas morning. Not to mention, he learns all sorts of things about what his kiddos really enjoy right now. Sorry, 6 year-old Chase, but the Lego Millennium Falcon may be a wee bit above our pay-grade. And really, Jason taking a little of the shopping load frees up my time to bake cookies and stuff. Or eat cookies.


2. Get it in the mail: The thing about sending Christmas downrange is to remember the crazy mail delay. Want him to have ornaments for his tree? Those guys need to be in the mail early to mid-November. Make sure to pay attention to post office guidelines about shipping times. Things slow down at the holidays. 


3. Send a piece of home: A favorite holiday piece in our home are the ornaments I sent to him in Iraq during OIF III, his 2^nd deployment. Voice-recording ornaments captured just a few seconds of our sons’ laughter. They brought him joy in the desert and they still bring us joy when we hang them on our tree now. Homemade ornaments by the kids, baked cookies and favorite holiday treats are an awesome way to send a little piece of home to your deployed guy or gal. 


4. Gift it up: It doesn’t matter how often I hear him say, ‘But, babe, I don’t need anything,’ the man is still getting Christmas presents. Some of my favorite things to send him are the little things that don’t add to what he needs to carry over there and keep him looking forward to coming home. Two of my favorite gifts I’ve sent? Last deployment it was vintage 1940’s pinup photo I’d had taken of myself and tickets to his favorite NBA team. Make sure he has something to open Christmas morning.  And speaking of Christmas morning …


5. Skype. Skype. Skype. Communication and contact are key to keeping Jason’s spirits high during the holidays when he’s deployed. We didn’t have Skype our first two deployments, but last time, he hopped online, and we set up the laptop next to where I sat, so he could take in all the insanity that is Christmas with our kids. It makes it so he’s here, even though he’s not here.  I know not all schedules or FOB’s facilitate Skype, but try to snag those few minutes you can get.  I promise, they’re worth it.

That’s my go-to list for keeping Christmas more Cindy-lou and less Grinch-like. It doesn’t always work.  We both struggle during the holidays, we both wish he was here, but it’s those little things that keep us connected and keep us smiling. 

Besides, if the holidays are our last big hurdle, that means he’s coming home soon. 

And knowing that is the best gift of all.

Follow Rebecca at http://theonlygirlamongboys.blogspot.com

I am grateful that we have citizens who are willing to risk their lives to defend those of myself, my neighbors and my children and serve a life dedicated to the military.

But I am proud that those same warriors are willing to put down their arms and hurry to help those who find themselves in the epicenter of natural disasters. 

The Marines rolled into the Philippines last week in an attempt to bring what comfort and aid they could to the devastated area. If war is hell, I can only imagine the scene after the storm is the underworld’s ninth layer.

These men and women expect to see horrific scenes on the battlefield. In the Philippines those same types of scenes are being replayed but this time the victims won’t be enemy combatants. They are children, mothers, the elderly.

And this will stay with them, forever. It will haunt them. And yet, they will go. Every. Time.

Nonprofit organizations such as The Borgen Project are quick to point out that the U.S. is among the bottom five nations when it comes to assisting the globe’s needy populations. That organization’s latest numbers show that only 0.2 percent of America’s gross national income is spent on international aid, or roughly $30 billion a year. PBS reports say the most generous estimates show U.S. foreign aid amounts to 1 percent of the nation’s budget, and even then much of those dollars are spent on defense efforts in foreign countries.

In comparison the U.S. spent $159 billion in 2011 alone on the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

These are discussions and arguments that are well above my paygrade, as my soldier husband often says.

Regardless of how much the politicians say we can spend, the boots on the ground that are passing out the supplies, carrying the sandbags and feeding the hungry are our husbands, brothers and sisters and mothers.

You can argue all day about how much the government should spend on these missions but the fact that we have citizens who leave their families for months and sometimes years at a time to fight our wars, and then leave again to help rebuild after these devastating events is nothing short of heroic.

It is easy for the rest of us to click on pictures of the mayhem, click our tongues and say, ‘oh, how horrible.’ But many of our men and women in uniform are there, stepping in and trying their best to help bring calm after the chaos.

They are what is good and right about our nation. They set a standard that the rest of us could only dream of following. For them, and their dedication, I say, thank you.   

If you want to donate to the ongoing relief efforts below are some links to organizations raising money to help:

American Red Cross

Oxfam International 

World Vision

UNICEF