Watching Hurricane Florence barrel toward the East Coast this week, my husband said:

“It’s a bad feeling when you think you might lose everything.”

We know that feeling, because a year ago at this time we had just experienced Hurricane Irma’s affects on our new home. And I don’t mean “home,” I mean HOME as in the house we had  purchased less than a month earlier.

The house where we plan to spend at least the next several years until our kids are grown and flown. Maybe even the house we’ll live in the rest of our lives.

We live on the beach in Brevard County, on the East Coast of Florida. We casually watched Irma for a week or so. My husband and I both grew up in Florida, so we know this is the time of year to be extra vigilant.

The bulk of our household goods was delivered on Sept. 5. We joked with the movers about how funny it would be if we got evacuated before we even got unpacked.

The joke was on us. By the next day, Irma was projected to hit us dead on.

We had barely touched any of the 10,000 pounds of stuff that had been delivered. It all sat in boxes throughout the house, most of them still taped up and unopened. At this point, this particular shipment had already been in storage a year. The things that were really important were either safe in my sister’s basement in Indiana, or had been with us for the previous year while we traveled and decided where to live.

But yet here was all this stuff, just sitting there in cardboard boxes, waiting for Irma to steal it away. Worse, of course, was that we had just bought our house. It’s only the second house we’ve ever owned, and we were already pretty fond of it.

Stuff is just stuff. What my husband really meant when he said “losing everything” was that he was most worried about the kids and I getting out of harm’s way.

We left on Friday, Sept. 8, when a mandatory evacuation was issued for our county. We had spent the past two days since our HHG arrived prepping for the storm – boarding up windows, closing up our hurricane shutters, buying water and supplies, etc.

We loaded up our two teens and our two cats, plus a cooler, some cases of water and a few boxes of things, into our SUV and our truck and headed to a friend’s house in Alabama. The trip was crazy long. It was just like you saw on the news – millions of Floridians heading north, gas stations ran out of fuel, desperate travelers (like ourselves) slept in parking lots when our travel time turned out to be double what we expected.

In the end, Irma changed course and didn’t hit our new hometown directly. Instead, her eastern bands battered our community with wind and rain that caused flooding, downed trees, and destroyed several homes.

We started our trek back as soon as the storm passed on Monday, Sept. 11. We drove through the remnants of Irma as she passed over the Florida panhandle as a tropical storm.

We came home to find our house had survived, although we lost several small trees and our roof would have to be replaced. We were without power and water for a few days, and school was cancelled for over a week.

But our stuff, and more importantly our family, was OK.

To all of you out there facing down Hurricane Florence, my family knows how you feel. We’re sending good vibes your way in hopes that your homes and your communities will also escape catastrophic damage.

And most of all, we hope you and your families stay safe, strong and secure. We know you will make it through this, just like you do every challenge military life throws you.

Finally, we matter.

For decades, wives, siblings, parents and others have shouldered the extremely heavy weight of caring for injured veterans with little to no help from the military or the federal government.

It seems that the Department of Veterans Affairs may finally have heard our pleas.

Last week the VA announced that it would open a research center for military veteran care givers issues.

Currently the VA provides some caregiver training and offers some pay to family members who have to put their own careers on hold to care for an injured veteran, money paid for out of a budget of more than $500 million. But that fund is hard to access and difficult to qualify for though.

And there are a lot of us who care for our veterans in very different ways.

Some severely injured veterans need 24 hour care. Others are in and out of surgery, leaving families with unpredictable income levels.

Many, like my own husband, sustained injuries serious enough to cause constant pain and require weekly doctor’s visits, sometimes more than one a week. But, are still well enough to be able to hold a job.

The strain of the injury, the overwhelming pain and the stress of trying to continue to work means that when he comes home at night, he goes straight to bed. Weekends are spent bogged down by heavy medication and frequent surgeries leave our financial bottom line questionable.

It also means I have to not only care for my veteran when he is in too much pain to function, but also maintain my fulltime job regardless of his needs, care for our children, our household chores and ferry him back and forth to surgeries. The last one was 92 miles away and nurses required me to be there every morning for four days, with all of our kids in tow.

When he retired I felt like a chain had been lifted and it was my turn to return to my career and grow. Unfortunately my growth has been stagnated again by continued requirements of the military and to caring for my now injured soldier.

There are many spouses like me out there. We have husbands who are broken enough to require constant care that impacts our entire household. But we don’t have husbands injured enough to qualify for any level of assistance – monetary or otherwise.

We are completely alone. And some of us are near broken by the strain.

I’ve told my husband’s doctors, you may save his life, but in doing so, you are ending mine. My own health has suffered, physically and mentally.

The military estimates that there are nearly 5.5 million military veteran caregivers. It is time they start paying attention to us, and the exhaustion caused by the weight of caring for injured veterans and the damage it is causing.

Put your resume in civilian terms.

That is one of the first pieces of advice resume writers will tell military members. The description of what you did in the military rarely fits the terminology used by civilians for the exact same duties. Not speaking the lingo is the fastest way to be passed over for a job.

Google has now begun providing a translation service of sorts for military members searching for civilian jobs.

Now you can visit the search engine and type “jobs for veterans” and enter your military occupational specialty code (MOS, AFSC, NEC). This will bring up a list of relevant civilian jobs that require similar skills as the military code.

Did you leave the military and start your own business? Google has help for you too.

When users use the Google Map option, businesses that are veteran owned will be designated as such in the description.

These extra steps are in addition to a $2.5 million grant Google.org is donating to the USO to help veterans and military spouses who want to earn the Google IT Support Professional Certificate.

This five-course certificate, developed by Google, includes innovative curriculum designed to prepare you for an entry-level role in IT support. A job in IT can mean in-person or remote help desk work in a small business or at a global company like Google. The program is part of Grow with Google, a Google initiative to help create economic opportunities for all Americans.

Upon completion of the certificate, you can share your information with top employers like Bank of America, Cognizant, GE Digital, Hulu, Infosys, Intel, MCPc, PNC Bank, RICOH USA, Sprint, TEKSystems, UPMC, Walmart and their companies: Allswell, Bonobos, Hayneedle, Jet, Modcloth, Moosejaw, Sam’s Club, Shoes.com, Store No. 8, Vudu and of course, Google.

Through a mix of video lectures, quizzes, and hand-on labs and widgets, the program will introduce you to troubleshooting and customer service, networking, operating systems, system administration and security.

The certificate can be completed in about eight months by dedicating 8-10 hours a week to the course. Users can skip through content that you might already know and speed ahead to the graded assessments.

Looking for a job? Get Googling!

I woke up in Tokyo around 2 a.m., my bed shaking. Earthquake.

In Hawaii we had a gripping hour-long wait after a tsunami warning was issued and then recalled.

In North Carolina a vicious winter storm brought the entire east coast to a standstill. We were left without electricity for nearly a week. We didn’t have blankets or warm clothes either since the storm delayed our household goods’ delivery.

Now on the Gulf Coast, hurricane a’ coming. We’ve dragged the outdoor toys and furniture into the shed, parked cars away from heavy tree limbs, filled our cupboards and hoped for the best.

Military families have the distinct pleasure of moving not just between states but also weather patterns, and often, dangerous weather conditions.

Tornadoes and hurricanes and ice sheets, oh my!

Rule number one, don’t panic.

If you PCS’d this summer and haven’t looked over the website or Facebook page of the local National Weather Service, do. Get a feel for what weather emergencies or Mother Nature created havoc happens frequently in your new region.

Look over evacuation routes. Know where to call or go for help. Devise a plan.

Our schools released before lunch today so buses would not be caught in the onslaught of rain. My kids know if the rain has begun to fall, stay put, I’ll be in carline. If the skies are still dry, hop on the bus and head home. We had a plan. We followed it.

Discuss possible emergency situations with your children and your spouse. Be aware of local options and be willing to follow the advice of local responders. When they say evacuate, it’s not a suggestion. They know the area well, they know where the water rises.

Knowledge is power. When you know what you are doing, and why, as disaster strikes you will have a better chance of moving your family to safety.

Just when you think you’ve got this retirement thing down, something changes.

This time it’s dental insurance. The single-option Tricare Delta Dental Program, also known as TRDP, will soon be a thing of the past.

Besides the change in dental insurance for retirees, vision insurance will now be available to both retirees and active duty service members.

The new program allows retirees to enroll in the Federal Employees Dental and Vision Insurance Program, or FEDVIP. Active duty personnel will be able to enroll in the vision portion – their current dental coverage will remain the same.

Retirees will be able to choose among 10 different dental plans and price points, rather than the standard one-option only TRDP. Delta Dental will be one of those options, although with different coverage than the current TRDP.

There will be four different vision plans.

Some 3.3 million federal civilian employees are enrolled in FEDVIP, which is administered by the U.S. Office of Personnel Management under the umbrella name BENEFEDS.

The changes go into effect Jan. 1, but you must sign up during the “open season” enrollment period between Nov. 12 and Dec. 10. Anyone who doesn’t sign up then will have to wait until the next enrollment period, unless certain “qualifying life events” happen. It’s not clear from the BENEFEDS website what the QLEs are for retirees, but active duty life events include marriage, birth or a change in active duty status.

Once you enroll, your coverage will continue and you will not have to re-enroll unless you wish to change plans.

Delta Dental, which administers TRDP, is included as one of the options under FEDVIP. Still, retirees using TRDP will automatically lose their dental coverage unless they choose one of the FEDVIP plans. This is true even if you intend to pick Delta Dental as your provider.

What’s covered and what’s not varies among the plans. Some dental plans have waiting periods for orthodontics while others don’t. Anyone considering signing up should research each dental and vision plan carefully. Another good piece of advice is to check with your current dentist and ask which of the plans they will be accepting.

The 2018 prices for a FEDVIP dental family plan in my area of Florida range from about $64.18 per month to $117.15 per month, compared to $115 under TRDP. A 2018 FEDVIP plan for two people runs from $42.79 to 92.80, while singles pay $21.47 to $46.39.

Vision plans for 2018 run from $18.98 to $43.48 per month for a family. Coverage for two people ranges from $13.21 to $28.90, while a single person pays between $6.96 and $14.43.

The BENEFEDS website has a wealth of information on the transition and the new plans, including a plan comparison tool, an FAQ section, a feedback tool and an option to sign up for email alerts.

In addition, BENEFEDS is presenting two webinars leading up to the open enrollment season. The first, titled “Prepare for the 2018 Federal Benefits Open Season Now,” is Oct. 3. The second, titled

“Open Season Is Here! Enroll in FEDVIP Dental and Vision Coverage Today” takes place Nov. 14.

BENEFEDS is also offering an online “Virtual Benefits Fair” from Nov. 12 to Dec. 10. Two of these days – Nov. 13 and Dec. 5 – are set aside as “chat days,” where users can ask questions. You can also log in anytime during those dates to watch instructional videos, review 2019 plan information, download plan brochures and receive information from specific FEDVIP insurance providers.

Representatives from FEDVIP will also be present at several base Retiree Appreciation Days from now through November.

Good luck and happy choosing!

Hopefully the PCS move was smooth, the kids are enjoying their new schools and it is now time for you to hit the pavement and find not just a job, but a career.

Start by checking in with Hiring Our Heroes, a program of the U.S. Chamber of Commerce Foundation.

The organization hosts job fairs specifically for military spouses and military members in locations around the nation. They have also launched a series of Military Spouse Economic Empowerment Zones in San Antonio, Tampa, Colorado Springs and Washington state as places where the organization fosters collaboration between local and national employers, schools and community resources to build employment opportunities for military spouses.

Hiring Our Heroes also has begun hosting employment forums to help spouses fine tune resumes and learn on the job skills like salary negotiations. Check out the events coming in September and see an full schedule for the year at www.hiringourheroes.com Be sure to register early, spaces fill up.

Sept. 5

Washington D.C.

https://www.uschamberfoundation.org/event/washington-dc-networking-reception-and-hiring-expo-washington-nationals-1

Sept. 11

Charlotte, N.C.

https://www.uschamberfoundation.org/event/charlotte-military-employment-expo

Sept. 17

Arlington, Texas

https://www.uschamberfoundation.org/event/arlington-hiring-expo-texas-rangers-3

Sept. 20

Fort Belvoir, Va.

https://www.uschamberfoundation.org/event/ft-belvoir-military-spouse-hiring-event

On the eighth day of school my son stormed the counselor’s office and demanded to change his schedule to the most rigorous and difficult track of courses available.

I questioned whether he had managed to loose his sanity in just the second week of sophomore year. But I also wasn’t surprised. He had been urged to choose those courses months earlier. Now, two weeks into the semester, he realized that the classes he had selected were not challenging enough.

He was forced to utter a dreaded teenage phrase, he was wrong, his counselor was right.

I was surprised when she agreed to take on the challenge of moving his schedule which would require extra effort by her, the teachers and him, who now had eight days of homework to complete in one weekend.

She said she was willing for one reason and one reason only: he had found his path and he was ready to take it.

His wishy washy class choices were a disappointment to those who knew him. They advised my honor student to sign up for the intense course track, to challenge himself more. But at the time, he was unsure of himself and his choices.

Over the summer, something clicked. And by the second week of school he knew the choices he had been mulling for three long months were the right ones.

He had a clear path in mind, of a career, of a list of schools he would like to apply to, even of a backup plan if everything came crashing down, as it often does. And on the eighth day of sophomore year, he was ready to put that plan in motion.

The moral of the story? Listen to your academic advisor.

High schools and colleges have counselors and academic advisors at the ready for their students. These people are more than simply someone with a list of courses and corresponding classroom numbers. They are trained to review your schedule, your goals and help you develop a plan that will grow you academically and personally.

They can help you meet your goals. But first, you have to listen to them.

As the fall semester begins, visit your academic advisor. Let them get to know you and you future hopes and dreams. They can help you make them a reality.

And be sure to listen to their advice, and take it.

Are you exhausted? I’m exhausted.

We are in week two of the school year and I can barely keep my eyes open. Our days have been a blur of back to school activities, packing lunches, (attempting) to make descent breakfasts, homework and a return to evening practices for every sport and activity imaginable.

And this is just what we have to do to manage our children’s school year. Any of us adults heading back to school this fall will have to add managing our own classroom studies and activities on top of the list.

It’s a lot. But there is a magic word to help: lists.

We have five children and two very busy, full-time careers. Lists are my BFF.

Each night I end my evening by reviewing the day’s to-do list and compiling one for tomorrow.

It allows me space to breathe, prioritize and give myself easy guidance to turn to when I’m feeling flustered. In our house, if a task doesn’t make the list, it simply doesn’t happen. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t add the phrases, “bath time” and “make snacks” to my list. Because I do.

And that’s what I love about lists.

When I sit by myself to write up the list I am able to think through how I hope tomorrow will go. Notice, I said hope, for plans change, often. It rains. Practice is cancelled. The school nurse calls. To the doc we go. The dog gets loose and the whole day is shot as you drive up and down the neighborhood calling his name.

My lists help manage that chaos. After I’ve triaged the unplanned events of the day, I can turn to my list to see what I’ve missed and what I can still salvage of my plan.

At the end of the day, I have a nice list to reference of items that didn’t get completed, and add those to tomorrow, or even another day. I include not just appointments, but what needs picked up at the store that day, what phone calls need made, what meals are on the menu and even whose laundry day it is in our house.

Turns out, making a list has mental health benefits as well. Psychology Today says making a list has the following benefits:

1. Provide a positive psychological process whereby questions and confusions can be worked through. True purposes surface.
2. Foster a capacity to select and prioritize. This is useful for an information-overload situation.
3. Separate minutia from what matters, which is good for identity as well as achievement.
4. Help determine the steps needed. That which resonates informs direction and plan.
5. Combat avoidance. Taking abstract to concrete sets the stage for commitment and action. Especially if you add self-imposed deadlines.
6. Organize and contain a sense of inner chaos, which can make your load feel more manageable.

I say making a list brings peace. At the end of the day I have a sense of achievement as I look at everything I can cross off the paper. And, I can fall asleep easier without being shaken awake, suddenly remembering something that has to be done. It’s already on my list.

So, grab a notepad and make your list. Meanwhile, I’m going to go cross writing this blog off of mine. 

PenFed Credit Union, the second largest federal credit union in the country, has announced a new partnership with Sallie Mae to offer free college planning tools and a full suite of financing options to help PenFed members responsibly pay for college.

The new partnership includes PenFed Scholarship Search, an easy-to-use tool with access to 3 million scholarships worth more than $18 billion. Members can register (free of charge), fill out a brief profile, and receive matches that identify relevant scholarships and their award amounts, application requirements, and deadlines.

“PenFed is committed to helping our members realize their dreams of attending college by assisting them with their financial needs,” said Shashi Vohra, PenFed senior executive vice president and president of affiliated businesses, in a press release. “Partnering with Sallie Mae, we are pleased to expand our student loan portfolio and provide many new financing options and more free college planning tools to our members.”

Through the partnership, PenFed members will now have access to in-school financing through a full suite of competitively-priced options to pay for undergraduate and graduate school.

“We directly address one of our members’ biggest concerns:  how to pay for the expense of higher education,” Vohra said. “Our focus is to continue adding value for our members.”

The partnership builds on PenFed’s student loan options that include a student loan refinancing program allowing borrowers to consolidate loans after college and save through customized repayment terms and low interest rates.

Additonally, PenFed’s Collegiate Funding Solutions planning tool helps members save on the cost of college education by taking the guesswork out of developing a financing strategy and reducing out-of-pocket costs while in-school.

For more information, visit https://www.penfed.org/student-loans.

Finding your place in the “real world” after years of being an active duty military spouse isn’t always easy. So many people I know lament the fact that they can’t find friends in their new location, or just don’t feel like they fit in.

I wrote before about my awesome Chick-fil-A bingo buddies. I was lucky to stumble upon this group of retired military spouses on Facebook, and we’ve become fast friends.

But such chance encounters don’t always fall in your lap. Sometimes you have to put yourself out there and aggressively seek out the sisterhood so many of us miss.

Or create it yourself, like my now-friend Catherine did when she started our local military spouse Facebook group, which led to the weekly Chick-fil-A meet-ups, and has since grown to dinners and lunches and breakfasts, movie nights, shopping excursions, beach days … you name it.

So, other than a random FB group that you might be lucky enough to find, how do we do that? How do we find friends with a military background like ourselves? Or how do we find any friends, for that matter?

The first step is pretty easy. Turn to our good friend, Google, and type in military spouses and your area. Or military veterans and your area. Or military clubs and your area. Look for meet-ups or events geared toward military families or veterans. (Don’t forget to check FB, too). 

Nothing?

If you’re near a base, see if they have a spouses’ club that’s open to retirees. Some are. Also consider volunteering on base, or the local VA hospital, or anywhere that veterans and their families might gather. Even if you don’t make friends in those places, you’ll still feel a connection.

Still nothing?

Go broader. Look for national clubs or organizations that might have chapters or events in your area. For example, Team RWB is a nationwide organization for veterans and their families that hosts fitness events, community service projects and fun get-togethers.

Check out specific associations related to the active duty life your veteran lead. There are many groups out there like the Army Engineer Spouses’ Club, or the Steel Magnolias (for spouses of Special Forces soldiers).

If any of those national groups don’t have a chapter in your area, consider starting one yourself. Or start a group for veteran’s families at your church, or your kids’ school.

Of course some of us live in areas with more veterans and retirees than others. I’m in Florida, which seems like the motherland for anyone who ever served in the military, especially retirees.

There’s nothing wrong with expanding your friend zone beyond the military. In fact, it’s probably pretty healthy for your psyche to do so. And some people want nothing more to do with the military after they retire anyway.

So broaden your horizons. Make an effort to become part of your community. Learn the history of where you live. Pick a local organization and volunteer, even for just a few hours a week or at an occasional event. Attend community gatherings like festivals and concerts, or run in races. Take a class at a local art studio or the library. Or just go sit on a bench at your local park.

And you know what? You’ll end up finding those military people, when you least expect it and in the most unlikely places.

Trust me - we’re everywhere.